I have a friend(30m), with child, who’s no longer together with the mom and they don’t have the best relationship, from what he’s told me. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s trying to make her jealous with me, we are not dating and he always tries to bring me to her house, have me in the car when he’s picking up his son, any opportunity he sees to get us in the same space he’s on it. He told me that she called me dirty and doesn’t like me, even though I’ve never spoken with her, he even makes comments on how he can tell she was upset to see me with him. This week he picked me up to hangout and soon as I got into the car he tells me we’re going to go to her house and pick up his son after, no mention of this until I’m already in the car, I asked if he could just drop me off instead because of all the mean comments she’d been making, he brushed it off saying it’ll be fine, that she was just in a bad mood, I said that doesn’t matter I still don’t feel comfortable, he got irritated and started to beg me to come with him he said “I thought you would be my FRIEND, and have my back, all you have to do is sit in the car.” When I didn’t change my mind in he got more visibly upset, stopped talking, and when i asked him what’s the matter he says “I’m just dreading this, it’s gonna be a fight now (between her and him) and I just want you to be there so she doesn’t talk to me, pleasee” and im very shocked by the fact he got mad at me for not wanting to be his human shield against the woman he chose to start a family with. I don’t feel like i am the asshole but he genuinely got so mad at me and still won’t talk to me.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I have a friend(30m), with child, who’s no longer together with the mom and they don’t have the best relationship, from what he’s told me. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s trying to make her jealous with me, we are not dating and he always tries to bring me to her house, have me in the car when he’s picking up his son, any opportunity he sees to get us in the same space he’s on it. He told me that she called me dirty and doesn’t like me, even though I’ve never spoken with her, he even makes comments on how he can tell she was upset to see me with him. This week he picked me up to hangout and soon as I got into the car he tells me we’re going to go to her house and pick up his son after, no mention of this until I’m already in the car, I asked if he could just drop me off instead because of all the mean comments she’d been making, he brushed it off saying it’ll be fine, that she was just in a bad mood, I said that doesn’t matter I still don’t feel comfortable, he got irritated and started to beg me to come with him he said “I thought you would be my FRIEND, and have my back, all you have to do is sit in the car.” When I didn’t change my mind in he got more visibly upset, stopped talking, and when i asked him what’s the matter he says “I’m just dreading this, it’s gonna be a fight now (between her and him) and I just want you to be there so she doesn’t talk to me, pleasee” and im very shocked by the fact he got mad at me for not wanting to be his human shield against the woman he chose to start a family with. I don’t feel like i am the asshole but he genuinely got so mad at me and still won’t talk to me.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I refused to be present while friend picked up his kid from the mom (2) said friend said I wasn’t a good friend for not having his back and got very angry
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, a good friend wouldn’t put you in an uncomfortable situation like that. It definitely seems like he’s using you to piss off the ex.
NTA. It’s time to set some firm boundaries on what you’re willing to do when you’re with this friend. If he needs human shields to protect him from his ex, he may need to ask other friends for help.
NTA. He’s probably told the ex that you are dating. This is both to piss off the ex and because he hopes to make it real and date you. When you say no, you’re not just making the baby exchange harder, you’re rejecting his dating fantasy, which is what’s made him so mad.
He’s not a friend, and it’s easy to see why she’s an ex – smart woman. Make him an ex-friend and be smart like her.
NTA. This is gross. Like, he can’t just be a damn parent without stirring up drama?
NTA. He is definately using you to get under ex’s skin. He’s trying to tell his ex that she meant nothing and he can esdily get another partner. He might also be grooming you to date him.
If he really wsnted backup, he would bring a male friend.
NTA. this man is not your friend.
NTA – Your “friend” is absolutely using you.
It is unlikely that a person you never met says terrible things about you. And even if they did, there is no reason for him to relay those alleged comments to you, except to manipulate you into doing something you clearly don’t want to do.
This is not a friend, this is not a good person. He is angry because you didn’t do what he wanted you to do. He is “punishing” you by not talking to you. Take that win, don’t talk to him either, ever again.
NTA, I would stop being friends with this man. He is not treating you like a friend or even a human, he’s treating you like a pawn in his game. Anyone with such total disregard for my feelings or personhood doesn’t get to be in my life.
NTA. He’s no friend. He’s also a shitty parent using his kid and you to make his ex jealous who does that? Or is he like 15 years old or something?
NTA but your friend is. First of all you’re correct that he is deliberately trying to bait his ex by making her think her kid is spending time with his new GF. Second he is also deliberately creating conflict and chaos which is not good for the child. Lastly if things have reached a state where pick up is so confrontational that he wants witnesses then it’s time for the court to mandate supervised exchanges in a public place. And I’ll repeat, he is absolutely creating the conflict and enjoying it.