Me and my Husband got married in the courthouse last week after being together for 6 1/2 years. Nothing fancy but truly the happiest day of my life (I always thought people were exaggerating when they said that but glad I was wrong ❤️) We only had our parents at the actual courthouse and planned a larger dinner party later into the night. We didn’t exactly do speeches but we decided to read our vows in front of all our friends and family. I went first and I’ll be honest- I’m a yapper. and a crier. in the moment I had no idea how long my speech was but i’m told it lasted around 6-7 minutes. I just had so much love I wanted to share in that moment that I frequently strayed from what I originally wrote and went on tangents. my FIL then proceeded to get up, walk across the room, take the mic and say to the party “try and keep it short, deary” I just scoffed and said “well I guess you would have the authority on short things.” the room burst into laughter.
now. context: my father in law is 60~ years old and 5’3 (he put 5’6” on his license but I think the DMV just pittied him too much to correct it). he quite literally has the body of a 12 y/o boy.
we have not had a great relationship with my husband’s parents. in fact he was completely no-contact with his mother for 5 of the 6 years we’ve been together. I talked my husband into inviting them to the wedding because I do value the sentiment of them being there for his big day. my FIL initially waved his hand and just sat back down. I assumed he took the joke like a champ and that was the end of it. I was truly on cloud nine that night. as we were saying goodbyes I noticed that my FIL and MIL were already gone. oh well, they have animals at home and had a long drive. I sent a quick text in the group chat “Hey! Sorry we missed your exit! thank you so much for coming, it meant the world 🙂 hope you had a great night!” the next morning he calls me and explodes. he’s screaming, he’s cursing, he’s calling me names. at a point I just had to hang up because I was just being berated. I genuinely didn’t even know what he was upset about at first. he then shows up to our apartment to continue his tirade. saying I humiliated him and I should be ashamed for disrespecting him in front of all those people. my husband wasn’t home so I was just kinda stun-locked at this point. I could barely get a word out before he just stormed off. he’s now blocked up on everything and won’t speak to us. AITA?
TL;DR I made a joke during my wedding vows after my FIL told me to “keep it short” when he himself is 5’3”
Comments
Yes it was a AH move but he was the AH and tried to humiliate you first, you just recovered quickly and managed to save your face…but at the expense of his. Rightly so I feel. If you husband is no contaxt it is for a reason. Maybe proceed with no contact moving forward.
>he put 5’6” on his license but I think the DMV just pittied him too much to correct it). he quite literally has the body of a 12 y/o boy
Your FIL may have been TA to interrupt your speech at your wedding, but you made it personal. Like the quote above, your language is very insulting. Pitied? The body of a 12 year old?
He may have grabbed the mic, but you body shamed him publicly, and again here.
ESH
ESH
He started it, but you did stoop to his level
ESH like those that have already stated, he was in the wrong but you are also in the wrong. I think you need to own up to the fact that he isn’t the only one that behaved poorly.
NTA. He shouldn’t dish it if he can’t take it. And, honestly, 5 minutes isn’t really that long of a speech. It was YOUR day after all.
NTA for the Joke You have to know how to take a joke when you like to give one But YTA, Your husband doesn’t seem to have relations with them but you still insisted on inviting them just to please yourself, not for “your husband’s big day”
NTA. Your FIL interrupted your vows on your wedding day to publicly mock you. You responded with a light-hearted joke that matched his energy, and the room laughed. That’s not humiliation, that’s deflection. If he felt embarrassed, maybe he should’ve considered the setting before grabbing the mic to make a dig.
You didn’t single him out unprovoked. You were reacting in real time, and frankly, you kept it playful. His meltdown afterward says more about his ego than your intent. You gave him a seat at the table despite years of tension, and he chose to make it about himself. You’re not the villain for defending your moment.
NTA for sure HaHa! Glad you taught that 12 y/o a lesson don’t mess with you or your happiness. Congrats on the wedding
I admit I winced a bit at what you said to him, primarily because I didn’t know he was shorter in stature, but also because… dang. I know you said it was a joke, but a joke is funny to both parties and he’s clearly sensitive about his height.
That being said, he only got clobbered because HE was in the process of humiliating YOU on your wedding day, by interrupting YOU on your wedding day!!
For him to get full on abusive is excessive and unreasonable. ESH, but it sounds like no contact from him is a great wedding present.
Also, congratulations!!!
ESH. It may have been a satisfying thing to say in the moment, but this is how you will remember your “Happiest Day” for the rest of your life. And it’s not a great start to your life with your ILs. They won’t easily forget it and maybe never forgive it.
Gotta love it when someone FAFO’s – FIL can dish it but can’t take it. He’s blocked you, sounds like a win to me.
ESH
Your FIL was way out of line. Interrupting your vows to make a jab was disrespectful and unnecessary, it’s literally your wedding, not his mic time.
That said, the height comment was also a cheap shot. Yeah, it landed, and people laughed, but you went for something you knew would sting. That turned what could’ve been a quick brush-off into a public humiliation.
He escalated way too far by screaming at you and showing up to your home, that’s completely unacceptable and honestly scary behavior. But in the moment, both of you let your pettiness win instead of taking the high road.
NTA he tried to take your spotlight away on the best day of your life in a moment you were sharing your love for is son by cutting you off with an empty term of endearment, he deserved it and more.
NTA. Congrats on your wedding!! And back on no contact they go… the audacity!
Sounds like wee man syndrome
I don’t understand why you insisted on inviting people that your husband didn’t really want there. People that you already know don’t have your best interests at heart and whom you obviously don’t like or respect. I kinda feel like you got what you asked for and should have known to expect. You were both insulting and obnoxious on the pretext of it being a joke. I’m sure that would have been his excuse if he wasn’t so busy yelling at you for your “joke.”
ESH
NTA! He completely started it. If he didn’t want the spotlight he should’ve sat down and stfu!
I dont no what ESH means.
Anyway. He’s blocked you and saved you the job. Make sure you’ve blocked her as well.
Congratulations.
Nta.
If he can’t take it he should not dish it out.
Be glad people only think it was his height you were referring to.
YTA. I don’t think making jokes about someone’s appearance is ever okay. You were admittedly long-winded. Why did you have to make it so cuttingly personal?
And what’s up with talking your husband into inviting people he’s been no contact with for 5 years? Because you like the idea? That’s really selfish and self-centered. You get what you got and you shouldn’t get upset
NTA- as the saying goes “f’em if he can’t take a joke”
NTA
He sounds like a character on I Think You Should Leave.
ESH, but he is less so than you. You talked your husband into inviting them, against his wishes, then you gave a “6-7 minutes” rambling speech, in front of 2 folks who don’t know you well enough to think your rambling was endearing. Then, when the most likely people to snap, did, you made a fool of him. You CHOSE DRAMA. You aren’t a very considerate host but I’m sure you won’t have to worry about it again.
he’s now blocked up on everything and won’t speak to us. AITA?
I’m trying to decide between Winner, winner…… and Stop threatening me with a good time.
Your husband’s parents are “difficult people.” Grow some thick skin, because they are not likely to change.
Best wishes, though, on your classy, low key, loving wedding.
NTA
So many people have extravagant weddings that are just for show..
Yours was very personal, and the only indulgence was your speech.
I dont think it’s a lot to ask to gush a few minutes too much on how much you love your husband.
It was not appropriate for him to interrupt, and how would you feel had you let him take your moment? Could you have handled it better? Yes. Did you have time, or would you want to refocus your energy towards his feelings? Definitely not.
My wife can be hard on herself sometimes and i say, sure, you could do better…but dont let that take away from a great job. With that in mind, I would admit you could have done better but that it was your moment and no one gave him permission to interrupt and that this is a lesson for both of you.
After that, DO NOT invest in worrying about their feelings or you will follow them into their darkness. There are no Gates to Hell. We follow our anger and shame until we are so lost that we can’t find our way out or recognize truth anymore.
My life has taught me to focus on the sources of love, and be a source of love even to those whom present themselves as adversary. That might mean not allowing them( enabling them) to have an opportunity to do wrong to you as this will be felt as an assault on you and your desire to feel love.
You met his direct disrespect (trying to cut you off during your speech during your WEDDING DAY) with a disrespectful comment. His action literally had two outcomes – he cuts you off and makes everyone uncomfortable, or you react with humor and diffuse the situation. The fact that you chose humor at his expense was the price of his admission to the situation that he created – sucks to be him. No doubt in his own mind there was a third outcome: he saves everyone from your diatribe (my GOD how dare you talk about your love for 6-7 minutes on your wedding day, the audacity!) and is hailed as a hero and you learn your place in his world order. This was never a possible outcome, and he is far too old to still believe it was. I have sat through enough long LONG wedding speeches to know this is true – I have witnessed interruptions first hand, and it never ends well.
Was your response to him a bit insulting? Yes.
Are you the AH? No. NTAH.
I think technically the “correct” judgment is E S H because that short joke was an asshole move.
But this part:
>he’s screaming, he’s cursing, he’s calling me names. at a point I just had to hang up because I was just being berated. I genuinely didn’t even know what he was upset about at first. he then shows up to our apartment to continue his tirade. saying I humiliated him and I should be ashamed for disrespecting him in front of all those people.
Showing up to your apartment to continue to verbally abuse you in person over a one-sentence tasteless joke – and let’s be clear, this was verbal abuse he was doing – yeah, this one’s NTA for me. Had he not done this last bit, I’d judge everyone the asshole here all day long. But your uncalled-for joke is like bringing a dollar store squirt gun to his five alarm house-fire of asshole behavior.
It’s such an extreme overreaction to a joke – the setup for said joke being something he brought on himself by cutting off the bride at her own reception – that I think you and your husband need to resume no-contact indefinitely.
Well I’m about 60 and about 5’3” myself. If I were to say this to my daughter in law I would’ve been mad if she didn’t have a good come back. He should take it like the child he is.
NTA. He was completely out of line interrupting your speech on your special day. It doesn’t matter how long it was. It was your day and they should have been happy just to be a part of it. Screaming and cursing at you is way over the top and you should speak with your husband about how the two of you together are going to handle it. Congratulations on your marriage. ❤️
Sounds like FIL doesn’t like the sour taste of his own medicine. NTA and congrats on the wedding!!
YTA. When loved ones family members are imperfect, you don’t get vicious.
We are trying to build a family, not get the last dig.
If you don’t him in your husband’s life because he was abusive that’s a different story.
It’s always possible to just sit quietly, drink and eat ignoring noises on the background. He decided to speak, and well, he got what was coming. NTA
NTA he threw a tantrum then blocked you, honey the trash took itself out. Breathe a sigh of relief and go on with your life. Congrats on your wedding
Enjoy the peace!
Making a short joke to a truly short person is very mean! You had a murder and a wedding on the same day. But he asked for it. Who cuts off one of the wedding couple during the wedding dinner? It doesn’t even sound like he has enough of a relationship with you to make his own speech, much less presume to cut you off. FAFO, NTA
> I talked my husband into inviting them to the wedding
No good deed…
NTA. Looks like this worked itself out like it should have. He sounds awful.
ESH. Feel bad for ur husband who took the step to invite his parents, and it all went south.
nope not the ass hole. If he can’t take that kind of joke he shouldn’t have started things with the joke he did.
NTA for the joke but, honestly, this feels like karma for forcing your spouse to invite his parents when there was a good reason they were no contact.
NTA, because he chose to get up walk across the floor, grab the the microphone from the BRIDE at HER wedding giving a speech, just to be rude. No reason for him to do that. JUSTIFIED!!!
Nta
Short man with a short fuse finds out he can dish out but not get clapped back at without it harming his feefee’s
Respect is earned not demanded or assumed, you matched his energy and he is such a pissbaby hes throwing a toddler tantrum.
The garbage took itself out
Wow. You’re both not very nice are you!! You because why are you “encouraging”/forcing your husband to invite people he clearly didn’t want in his life. Also for the very personal insult to your fil.
Him because he shouldn’t have got up and interrupted your speech and certainly shouldn’t have screamed at you then come to your house to continue it.
I feel very sorry for your husband!!
My high school principal (who everybody hated because of his behavior) yapped for 45 minutes about some ancient virtues. That is long.
But now you know exactly why he didn’t want them there, so that is on you.
Now, maybe OP will have a little more sympathy/understanding for why her partner has been low/no contact with his parents for the majority of their 6 year relationship?
The majority of people who have normal parents/family members typically can’t understand how anyone can cut off their family members and not forgive/forget or invite them to important milestones regardless of whether they are in a “tiff”
The relationship with his parents is probably pretty toxic and OP needs to listen to her partner next time and let him handle whether or not he stays in contact with his parents.
The retaliatory comment about his height was probably well deserved, but you also can’t turn around and say it was just a joke when it was clearly meant to put him in his place and humiliate him.
Even though I agree it was nicely done and he deserved it, don’t try to play it off as a joke, but rather own the comment and be grateful you are able to come up with a quick sharp response in the moment as most of us figure out the perfect thing to say days later, while we are still replaying the moment in our heads.
Sounds like FIL has met his match and might think twice before he opens his mouth to insult you next time. 😂