Last weekend I had a huge argument with my older sister and I still can’t figure out if I was out of line. She has always been the golden child in our family. She’s married, owns her own house, and my parents are very proud of her. I, on the other hand, am still living with my parents while finishing my degree and working part-time. I don’t mind that she’s ahead in life, but sometimes it feels like she goes out of her way to remind me of it.
On Saturday we were having dinner at my parents’ place. Everything was going fine until she made a comment about how some people my age are already building careers and buying houses while others are still stuck at home. Everyone laughed but it felt like a jab directly at me. I tried to brush it off at first, but when she kept going on about how independence is a choice and how some people just don’t try hard enough, I snapped. I told her that not everyone gets to marry rich or have parents help them with a down payment, and that she needs to stop acting like she’s better than everyone else.
The room went silent. My mom immediately told me I was being disrespectful, my dad told me to apologize, and my sister sat there looking smug. Later she texted me saying I embarrassed myself and that I should grow up. I can’t tell if I was the one being rude for calling her out at the table or if she was being the asshole for belittling me in front of everyone.
Am I the asshole for speaking up to my sister after her comments?
Comments
No,, she’s being mean!!
NTA. Your sister sounds very passive aggressive. Your only mistake here is letting your emotions get the better of you. The best way do respond to passive aggressive people is with cold detachment. She wants to get a rise out of you. Don’t let her.
Big sis is the A/h and mom and dad are backing her up. Possible golden child
You didn’t actually say you were talking about her though did you? But if the cap fits, and all that…
NTA. She kept poking at you and acting superior – you just finally pushed back
If I ever said anything like this to my sister in front of our family no would laugh and I would probably be asked to leave. It’s incredibly rude not only from your sister but your whole family. Your sister sounds like the golden child. NTA
NTA. Just don’t engage. Ignore her and show nothing more than indifference towards her. People like your sister lose their shit with this apporach. I’ve seen indifference cause a mental breakdown before. It’s the strongest emotion one can have with a person like your sister because they A can’t get a rise out of you and B it tells them you think nothing of them. Their existence means nothing to you. Indifference is the best tool I’ve found for psychological warfare.
NTA. But stop attending events with her there. She’s purposely going to continue her antics to get under your skin. Don’t let her win. She loves making you feel inferior. Your parents are no better enabling her behavior.
NTA. Your sister loves feeling superior which is pretty pathetic. NOT reacting in the future will piss her off. Remember pride comes before the fall & karma is real. When/if she gets her comeuppance,just sit back & enjoy the show. For now just smile every time she says something cutting. When she sees she has no power over you she won’t know what to do with herself lol.
Yta for not doing this sooner!
NTA. Don’t be there when she comes over. Have other plans. You don’t have to be her punching bag. She will get hers one day. They always do. Your parents are AHs too for enabling her crap. Don’t apologize. I hope you graduate soon and can leave soon too.
I would suggest going no contact with your family, but that’s obviously not feasible. You probably want to go total gray rock with them though. Simply refuse to speak with them on anything but the absolutely most necessary topics, be elsewhere for “family” events, totally refuse any contact or discussion with your sister and literally ignore every single word that comes out of her mouth or any electronic contact. Hard as stone. You can maybe send one combined note to everyone that when they decide to stop treating you like shit and act like family, you will consider having that relationship with them again. But until then, you’re just someone who is stuck living in the same residence with people who obviously think you aren’t worth a damn and you, therefore, are going to minimize interaction. The fact is that your sister is a narcissistic bitch and will always poke at you because that’s how she gets her jollies. You need to reduce any feedback she gets to the barest minimum and it stops being as much fun. Once you’re out of the house, you can totally slam the door.
She’s your older sister, of course she’s a step ahead of you in life stages.
What’s the age difference/how old are you now?
If she’s 30 and “married well” is the only thing going for her and you’re 20 going to school and working, I know which one I think is on course and it ain’t her.
She has nothing else going on in her life that she views as worthwhile to think and talk about over harassing you. She’s empty. It’s sad.
Make sure you tell her that.
NTA.
NTA. Sister sounds like a narcissist, having to “one up” you at all costs. Is she like this with others too?
NTA, but you played right into her hands, I’m afraid. Once you finish your degree I’d recommend limiting contact with all these people because they’re not on your side and won’t help you be your best.
Wow, your sister is a bitch. Your parents should have told her to can it. They know you are working hard, and her privilege doesn’t mean she can talk down to you.