WIBTAH for needing to stay away from my BF for a bit. – Final Update

It’s been a year now which feels crazy. A lot has happened. When I found my password and logged back on I got a LOT of questions and it was a bit overwhelming so here’s what I can answer as best I can…

I can’t believe the time that passed when i looked at my account, it feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever come back to update, but Mike and I started doing couples counseling once a month and it reminded me of this place. So here I am.

After I left Todd, things got worse before they got better. He tried to hold my stuff hostage (mostly over text threats) but my friends and I went back with a police escort and got what I needed. I thought that would be the end of it but no. My phone blew up every day for weeks with calls from numbers I didn’t know, fake accounts, endless messages. I went to the police so many times I lost count, and one officer even snapped at me, said I was being petty, wasting their time, and warned me that if I kept making reports without “real evidence of harm” I could be charged. I left crying. I felt insane and I realized I couldn’t trust the police to protect me.

Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I made another report and then I sent the Ring cam footage. Not just to his employer, but to his megachurch, and to his family. It wasn’t revenge, I swear. It was just the only thing left in my hands that could make him stop. And it did. He went quiet after that. I never got a restraining order, but I sent one last message telling him I’d seen the footage, that I wanted nothing more to do with him, and he needed to stay away forever. Then I muted everything.

The fallout nearly broke me. I had a breakdown not long after. But therapy helped. Yoga helped. I got a meds that helped. Going back to the gym, the very place he once told me I couldn’t go, helped more than I expected. My friends helped most of all. We actually do this little tradition now, an annual trip to celebrate the day they staged their “intervention” It sounds silly but it makes me feel safe.

And Aria. God. We’re back in each other’s lives. We even run a bartending business together now (special events bartending etc). It took off faster than we expected, we were booking almost immediately after we got EINs lol

The fact that Todd almost stole her from me permanently…it makes me sick if I think about it too long, but also so grateful we found our way back.

And then there’s Mike. We’ve been together about three months now. He’s a nurse, thoughtful in the way that makes you realize how low your bar was set before. We’re not living together, but I’m at his place a lot. We’re taking it slow. He knows I get nervous about how fast we clicked, so we’re both in therapy, and we even go to couples counseling bimonthly. He read my old posts and got so angry at Todd, but he’s processing that with his own therapist instead of throwing it back at me. He’s the one who helped me get my therapy dog (it udually takes forever), this goofy, perfect creature who comes with me to nursing homes and children’s hospitals now when i volunteer. Sometimes I look at my life and think, is this real?

As for Todd…turns out there was never a promotion. He lied. He requested a transfer, then got downsized, and now he’s back in town. I see him sometimes, mostly around his church crowd (i dont shop, never really did – i get all my shit delivered like a monarch taking gifts of fealty 🤣).

The worst was a wedding. I didnt realize the groom’s mom was one kf the lastors at Todd’s megachurch so she took him as her date. He was drunk and came up to me, and before I could even say anything Mike stepped in. Todd said something like “She’ll always be mine” and refused to back off until the groomsmen threw him out. Aria recorded it, because of course she did. And everyone saw it. That was the moment I stopped worrying whether people believed me. The bride and some other women enveloped me and took me away to the party and I didn’t even physically see him thrown out, just was told about it after. Mike kept my cup filled and my spirits high and we are cool with the bride and groom now.

I’m not magically healed. I still get anxiety. Sometimes my stomach just drops when I see him across the street and I still have issues with my body over his subtle verbal abuse (worked that out in therapy). But then I come home to my dog, my business, my friends, my peace…and it’s quiet. And quiet feels like the biggest gift.

So thank you all for checking in on me and also for helping me see the red flags. I’m so thankful. I’m so happy now it’s stupid. This is my final update but this is also where I’m still logged in so I will be around! Wish me luck and may you have the same.

All my love

• Imani