My wife gave someone close to her a spare key to our house. The intention was that if for some reason we were locked out there would be someone with a key nearby to help.
I get phone notifications from my security cameras when there is movement around the house and have seen the key holder multiple times a week letting themself in when no one else is home. I brought this up to my wife who said the key holder has been coming to our house during their lunch break. I don’t like this and asked my wife to tell the person to stop. She wouldn’t, so I told the person to stop.
My wife and this person are now very mad at me, and my wife said I am being unreasonable. I don’t think it is unreasonable. I don’t want someone who doesn’t live at my house to be there when no one is home. AITA?
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My wife gave someone close to her a spare key to our house. The intention was that if for some reason we were locked out there would be someone with a key nearby to help.
I get phone notifications from my security cameras when there is movement around the house and have seen the key holder multiple times a week letting themself in when no one else is home. I brought this up to my wife who said the key holder has been coming to our house during their lunch break. I don’t like this and asked my wife to tell the person to stop. She wouldn’t, so I told the person to stop.
My wife and this person are now very mad at me, and my wife said I am being unreasonable. I don’t think it is unreasonable. I don’t want someone who doesn’t live at my house to be there when no one is home. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told someone close to my wife stop using the spare key they have to my house to let themself in without asking and when no one else is home. My wife and this person said I am being rude and unreasonable for asking this. Am I in the wrong for creating a boundary?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO:
>key holder has been coming to our house during their lunch break.
why?
NTA. I wouldn’t want anyone in my home if I wasn’t there, my home is my sanctuary.
NTA. The key was given for emergencies, not for the person to use as a personal spare key to your home whenever they please. You have every right to feel uncomfortable with someone in your house when no one’s home. Your wife’s anger seems misplaced, she should be on your side, respecting your comfort and safety in your own home. You had every right to tell the person to stop.
NTA – you’re allowed to have boundaries and it’s super reasonable for one of your boundaries to be “don’t come in my house for no reason when I am not home”
I’ve given keys to trusted people, that’s not a trusted person.
Change the locks and perhaps switch to a system that you enter codes for. My understanding is that guest codes can be programmed to expire within a certain period of time.
NTA…this is an invasion of your privacy. The fact that your wife thinks this is okay is concerning.
INFO what is this person doing in your home, specifically – snacking, napping, petting your cat? and why does your wife think it is OK, what is her thought process for being unbothered by this.
NTA. Tell your wife to get her key back. If she doesn’t, change the locks and hide a spare key in case you get locked out.
I feel like we need more context because they way you’ve written this makes me want to be on your side, but then I remember that my friends and I have keys to each other’s houses and we have gone over before while they weren’t there. Sometimes it is to say hi to their pet on my break, or they need to grab a board game that I have, or we are grabbing a package, or dropping something off in preparation for a later event, or I got off work first and am waiting to hang out at their place. As I think about it, we got to each other’s houses quite a bit for random things, we all live close and it feels totally normal but that is becuase all of us are on board with this.
If you aren’t okay with it your wife never should have given the go ahead, but I’m not understanding how you and your wife could be on such different pages about this? Is this person a stranger to you? What are they doing over there on their lunch break? Did your wife give them the key for this purpose explicitly but knew you wouldn’t be okay with it so she told you it was just a spare for emergencies? This is fishy…
NTA what I don’t understand is why your wife thinks it’s ok. Well I guess I do…she has poor boundaries. Discuss your concerns with her and help her understand that you need privacy.