So for context we have been tgt on and off. Lately she had been very distant, no more petnames, no more first texting,no more energy in our conversations and no more “I love you’s” from her side. She became completely distant, ignoring me all the time and even when I needed her she didnt budge. Because this has happend once before (and shortly afterwards she ghosted me and got tgt with the guy she told me she “hated”)
I got very anxious and spammed her and begged her to tell me whats wrong. Ofc she didn’t and this behavior lasted a few weeks maybe a month until she just cracked and admitted that for a while she has been thinking abt this guy shes had a crush on way before being with me but could never have him, because the guy is taken and also has no interest in her, even in just being friends.
Because she didnt want to lose me but she was also confronted with these feelings she didnt know what to do other than Ignore me. I understand that she had a hard time with these feelings but what I find incorrect is that she instead of communicating just pushed me away for such a long time.
And that she had been fantasizing about this guy while still being with me and leading me on as she admitted that shes has had this crush forever but more actively this past few months and as the feelings got stronger so got the distance between us. She admitted thinking about that guy has made her happy and allthat
So AITA for breaking up with her?
Comments
NTA. She checked out of the relationship, ignored you for weeks, and admitted she was fantasizing about someone else while stringing you along. You didn’t overreact you just stopped letting yourself be Plan B while she daydreamed about a guy who doesn’t even want her. Breaking up was the healthiest move you could’ve made.
You need to stop communicating with her. It will hurt. You are dependent and in love.
She is a narcissist. You need to stop giving her attention. And you need to move on with your life.
It’s hard. But there are billions, yes, billions of options out there.
NTA. NTA. NTA. Put that relationship in the rear view mirror. She’s not that into you and you deserve better.
I hope you’re breaking up with her
NTA – why would you even think you were the AH here?!
She has a right to her feelings and as you pointed out, she seems to be struggling because she “wants” to be with you but her lack of communication, and negative behavior directed at you, who have done nothing wrong, is a deal breaker.
She should’ve been honest with you. Yeah you probably would’ve broken up with her anyway, as I would have, but at least it would’ve been on the table and would have spared you the misery of not knowing.
You’re not responsible for trying to help her through her struggles in deciding if she wants to be with you or not.
Just ending it and moving on is the best policy for you .
How did she react when you broke up with her?
NTA at all. Let her live in her world and you move on with yours. You’ve wasted enough of your time already.
NtA
Never be a second choice.
She’s just admitted that she settled for you…meaning if the other guy goes single and blinks at your gf, she’ll leave you in an instant.
What’s the point in staying if you’re looking for a serious relationship ?
Stop wasting your time, you’re right to dump her.
NTA. You’re just the one who called it. She ended it. She doesn’t feel the way about you you’d like her to. You want a girl who feels about you like she does about the crush.
She’s keeping you on the back burner. You are her second choice
Don’t overthink things, she checked out of the relationship long ago. You did the right thing breaking up, now go no contact.
She already broke up with you
I know it hurts man, from experience, but you will thank yourself later if you break it off. It’s the right call.
She’s holding on to you before she dumps you for an “upgrade”.
Sounds like you’re both kids. Shouldn’t be a problem.