I got an invitation to my cousins wedding a few weeks ago. Now I didn’t know she had gotten divorced let alone was getting remarried, but also I am not always in the loop with the family drama. That’s just not my thing. Anyway I text her to congratulate her and we’ve been talking on and off more than we used to before. We were never really close at all. All seemingly pleasant conversations, but over text only. More recently I was texting with some people to ask if they wanted to drive up for the wedding together or share a hotel room. These are other family members who were closer to her than me and had been invited to her previous wedding and baby shower and all that.
That apparently got the whole family talking about using my home to have an intervention and I get told about how she has been going overboard with alcohol and even doing hardcore drugs. Her fiancé is apparently also into drugs and is just using her as she is the only one that works and they are worried for her daughter (age 5) and her new baby (she is pregnant). They have had a wellness check done, but they were apparently good at hiding it and now she’s cut off all contact with all of them because they’ve brought up their concerns to her and she got very angry and volatile.
The last thing I want to do is have to deal with an angry, volatile person in my home. Especially one that will feel tricked or betrayed by me. I suppose I could ask her about it all myself, but I really don’t want to deal with the drama of it at all to be honest.
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If you are not involved, then don’t allow them to drag you in. NTA for not being involved. If they need to have an intervention then they can come up with their own plan. As a fellow outsider in family drama protect your own peace.
NTA you’re entitled to your own peace
Nope.
NTA. Steer well clear!
So how much of what they are saying is true? You know you cant really trust the word of people who got themselves on the NC list. Like yeah your cousin might be in a bad place in life and needs a hand. But she could also have just divorced her husband because the relationship was not working out. The family being angry at that because they dont believe in divorce or some other nonsense decides to confront her. And then when she did not capitulate to them started spreading rumors of her being addicted to etc and the new guy being a dead beat.
This is not always the case. And sometimes people who are addicted to something cannot see the light. And then decide to crash out. BUT well the whole thing is you dont know which side is true.
But at the end of the day its not your monkey nor is it your circus. You are just creating a minor bond with her which is new. You could have a conversation to ascertain if there is truth to it. Or you could just give her a heads up on what they are planning. My advice is simple If you dont know the actual situation and dont care enough to find out. Then stay out of it, this could play out in like 100 different ways.
Just gently back off from from the drama and decline to get involved. NTA
Your family sounds awful. You talk to the woman and she seems fine, even though its on text.
Personally I’d refuse my home point blank no discussion, but I’d also give her a heads up. I’d want to know if my family was planning something like that.
It’s NOT your responsibility to get in this whole mess. Not your circus, not your monkes
I think the person planning the intervention is the one that has to take the risk. They are closer to her. If she blocked them all, they can call CPS on her over and over and over
My first thought is that you haven’t seen any of this yourself, it might be best to stay neutral.
Are you the only family member who lives near her that they want to use your house? Why is her ex not getting involved to pretect his daughter?
Nta.
When dealing with folks like this, never JADE
JUSTIFY
ARGUE
DEFEND
EXPLAIN
All that does is give them ammunition to try and brow-beat you into submission. And they may very well succeed. Simply state in the group chat “there will be no intervention at my home” and when they ask why not? “Because I said no, I do not owe anyone an explanation, if any of you show up uninvited I will be calling the police on you and having you charged with trespassing”
And call the police if they show up
Remember, “no” is a complete sentence
“No” is a complete answer. “Hell no” is even better. You are not equipped to host anything like this.
Whoever came up with this idea can host this, you stay out of it.
Not your circus, not your monkeys. NTA.
NTA, as the old saying goes not your circus, not your monkeys. Or my favorite reinterpretation Not your pasture, not your Bullshite
So to old an intervention first off you need to be certain of drug use. Drug use that impacts family, jobs, finances. You don’t even know if this person really is using drugs. All you know is rumors. So I’m gonna say absolutely not.
Then tell them no. You are not willing or interested. They’ll have to find another venue or way to communicate their concerns.
That no is a complete sentence. No discussion, no explanation. And hold that line!
Do not let them use you as a backdoor to harrass her. They had their shot, and she cut them all off.
NTA, she’s not your child so its not your problem. Tell them to do it somewhere else.
NTA.
You have no idea if any of their claims are true – they could be exaggerating, they could be making assumptions – you don’t know anything.
I’d stay as far away from that as possible.