My boyfriend and I have been dating since January of this year, but we first met in September during freshman year of college through mutual friends. Before him, I had never had a real relationship before, just crushes that never lasted long. The first few months of dating were great, I thought I finally figured out what love actually is. Although now, almost a year after I met him, i’m not quite sure if I actually love him in that way. I care for him deeply, and want him to succeed and grow but I have been having feelings of resentment and indifference. We are rooming together now with 2 of our friends and we have separate rooms. I thought I would like that more but for some reason I just don’t.
He is a great guy, he is respectful, kind, caring, buys me gifts, takes me out to eat, and so on. I just don’t understand if I actually love him or not. I never had much guidance on love, my mom never had many great relationships as I grew up so all I had to go off were the things I watched on tv. I don’t think I feel love like i’m supposed to. Even the crushes I had were barely there. I like cuddling with him and going put together but for some reason it doesn’t feel right. Like I feel as though something is off. I want to make this relationship work but i’m scared that I am unconsciously leading him on.
I know everyone has their different definitions of love, but I don’t know what love means to me. It feels like I pretend, like I copy what I have seen. I love him but I don’t know if I actually love him. If I am just trying to fit myself into a box I don’t belong in. I am nervous to talk to him (I have recently been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder) and I wouldn’t know what to say anyways.
Do I end it? Do I try something new? I’m at a loss and I just need advice to navigate this relationship. I really want to figure this out. I hope this is the right subreddit.
tldr – I (19f) care about my bf (19m) but don’t know if I actually love him. I’m don’t know what to do and scared I am unconsciously leading him on. Do I end it, try something new?
(This is my first time ever posting on Reddit so forgive me if it’s not quite right.)
Comments
There seems to be more going on under the surface. Whether this is a personal sexual identity crisis, maybe something in the realm of asexuality, or if you just aren’t attracted to this guy, it’s too difficult tell from what you’ve written. And I would encourage you to never share more than you are comfortable with online.
To really help you sort out what exactly is going on, you might consider counseling. If you’re in college, I highly recommend student counseling which is usually much more affordable than counseling once you’re out of school.