My girlfriend (26F) wants love, care, and emotional support from me, but she doesn’t want a sexual relationship because she says she is keeping that for her future partner after marriage. She also tells me that sex is not important in a relationship.
I want to be clear — she is not a gold digger or taking advantage of me. She is genuine, and I am fulfilling her emotional needs she needs hugs kisses. But it makes me frustrated, because I also want sex as part of love and intimacy, and my needs are not being met.
Since marriage is not possible for us, I’m struggling to understand how to deal with this difference — how do I respect her boundaries while also being fair to myself?
TL;DR: GF (26F) wants love but no sex (saving it for marriage). I (30M) do want sex, but marriage isn’t possible. How do I handle this difference?
Comments
You break up and find someone you are willing/able to marry or is willing to have sex outside of marriage.
You two are not compatible in a way that is unfixable.
Neither of you are wrong for your wants or needs, you’re just wrong for each other.
Dude, you have to realise that you have a massive, fundamental incompatibility. She won’t have sex until she’s married and you aren’t going to marry her. It doesn’t matter how much you like each other or how well you get along in other aspects of the relationship. You are not compatible for a relationship.
Why isn’t marriage possible? But also, you’re not compatible. Don’t force it.
The way I look at it is like this: if she wants to wait till marriage to have sex, that’s her call. If you want to have sex before marriage, that’s your call. But it’s not right for either one of you to pressure the other into abiding by it.
If she feels that’s what she wants, really your best bet is to go find someone else. If you choose to stay with her, really your only choice is to abide but she wants on this topic. Though I might not personally think her choice to wait until marriage is one that you or I would choose, it doesn’t mean that it would be right for someone to pressure her to do that before she wants to.
This is how a lot of the dead bed and “i found out they were an ace after our wedding” stories begin.
Myself… id chalk it up to lack of compatability and move on. I wouldnt take a chance on marrying into a potential choice between divorce and celibacy.
I don’t see how you do. She doesn’t want sex until marriage. Marriage isn’t an option for you. Your needs matter just as much in whatever relationship you’re in. A one sided relationship is how bitterness and resentment grow. Especially when one persons emotional and physical needs are being met and the others aren’t.
It seems even marriage isn’t going to put you two into the compatible category if she doesn’t view sex as important. If sex is part of your love language and what you need to be happy then it is what it is. Somethings we just can’t change or compromise on. No matter how bad you want to.
Why isn’t marriage possible?
You two aren’t compatible, and you clearly never will be since, A, she doesn’t believe in premarital sex or that sex is important in a relationship whereas you disagree on both accounts, and, B, for whatever reason you haven’t disclosed here, marriage “isn’t possible” with her.
End the relationship and move on. It’s what’s best for both of you.
Marriage is not possible from her side as there are caste issues and she will not be able to convince her parents
You are in a dead end relationship. Long-term, it’s a complete waste of time. Save yourself grief and move on.
You accept you are incompatible and you breakup and find a partner that works for you.
You guys need to break up and stop wasting each others time
These types of men women hate . Talk about women and there frustrations but not really want to get married but still in relationships. Are looking for hookups in your 30s or looking for rich family with dowery ?
Bro what? Find someone you can have sex with. For some people sex is very important in a relationship.