I(F19) recently moved in with my boyfriend’s(M21) family, and they’re all extremely supportive and sweet, but his younger brother is a menace.
We live with his mom and stepdad and his two half siblings; a 13 year old girl and 17 year old boy. His parents have a bathroom connected to their room but the rest of us share the upstairs bathroom and it’s disgusting. Every time one of us cleans it, it goes right back to dirty again in 3 days. His brother has a habit of sitting on the toilet in such a way that he gets sh!t all over the seat and he also j@cks off in the bathroom, getting j!zz on the seat too. He also never flushes the toilet so there’s always a surprise when I walk in. I’ve just resorted to using the half bath downstairs.
The worst part though is that he uses things that don’t belong to him. Not just a little bit, ALL of it. My boyfriend had a really expensive tube of shave gel that was only half used, it took him 4 years to use that much, and his brother wasted it all in 2 weeks. And it’s not even like he used it properly. He has a little goatee that he doesn’t shave and his face is always greasy and covered in acne so he isn’t using it as face wash either. He had to have just rubbed the whole tube on his body or something like a toddler. I have a container of limited edition glittery body scrub in the shower that I’ve been using sparingly and that too is used up. He eats my food too. But not like one or two bags of chips and a drink, ALL of it in one day. I wouldn’t mind if he asked but I open the fridge and most of my food is just gone.
His parents have tried confronting him about it many times even prior to us moving in, as this has been a problem for years, but he just says “sorry, sorry, sorry” with his face glued to his phone and continues doing it. They even tried taking his phone away and punishing him in other ways but it continues to happen. I thought maybe if I confronted him, he would be embarrassed and stop but he doesn’t gaf. He doesn’t have a job or a car and his parents don’t even trust him home alone because they’re worried he’d swing the door open to a stranger and walk back to his room with his face glued to his phone. He just can’t pay attention to anything. And he’s not special needs, he’s a perfectly healthy kid, maybe he has adhd but he’s a pretty good kid and he’s intelligent. How do we get him to stop?
Edit: what I mean by “he’s a pretty good kid and he’s intelligent” he does do chores around the house. He’s very good with the dogs, helps his parents with the groceries, and does the grilling when we cook. He’s good in school, is very kind to me and my boyfriend and says please and thank you. It’s not like he’s a piece of shit. He’s just gross asf
Edit 2: We are not freeloading off of his parents. My father has psychosis and is in love with a chat gpt chatbot and was very abusive towards me, said I had a week to get out because I told him his girlfriend wasn’t real.
His parents offered both of us to move in with them. I didnt want to and felt that it was rude but they insisted and even helped me move my things out. We both cook for the family, we help with chores and taking care of their dogs, and we support ourselves. They are not struggling, they live in a very nice house in a very nice community.
I work 65 hours a week, bf works 45 hours a week so it’s not like we’re there all the time. We found an apartment, bf works maintenance at an apartment complex and we’ll get 30% off rent when we move in. We are just here to save enough for down payment, first few months, and better cars for both of us.
I have never said anything to the parents about the brother, that is up to my boyfriend. The only thing I said to the kid was “could you ask to use my bathroom products” to let him know I knew and hopefully encourage him to be more mindful.
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He’s treating the house like its all his and its time someone lays down clear rules before it gets worse.
He needs his ass whooped bruh take the phone the game everything. Only school and home
Put self-tanner or Ben Gay in the next expensive lotion bottle and see how he likes that.
You’re not in a position to discipline so the best advice is to protect yourself. Install a lock on your bedroom door today. If parents object tell them exactly why. Whenever it comes up tell the truth, we can’t trust Bobby to leave our things alone so we’re protecting ourselves. Keep your shower things in a tote in your room and carry them to the bathroom. Same with food. Keep it cleaned/sealed so you don’t get bugs or mice. Get a tiny fridge if you can. Assume he’s going to take things so plan ahead. Keep you passwords and bank cards safe also. Be smart. This is a lot like what you’d be doing if you had roommates out in the world or lived in a dorm at school. But then, phase 2, engage this kid and the sister. Once a month take them out for pizza or bake cookies with them, or you could probably think of something more fun than my lame ideas. I’m especially worried about the sister who is probably getting harassed by the brother plus is dealing with kind of a houseful of people. Maybe spend some time, just you and her. In other words, instead of being an extra boarder in an already full house, try to become a family member to the siblings. As an “outsider” you can see things the family doesn’t and act in kindness where you see the need. Oh, and make a plan to get your own place!!
You’re not in a position to complain or discipline, as essentially you’re a guest in their home. The best you can do is lock away your stuff. I would honestly consider moving back home and then only moving in with bf once you have enough money for your own place.
Sounds like the brother may have special needs although as I say it’s not on you to point this out to his family.
Do an actual shit on the seat of the toilet (as in kiss the bowl completely). It wasn’t you because by now everyone knows you use the one for stairs, and he already gets shit everywhere so it must have been him.
Once the smoke clears repeat except moving the ‘outcome’ ‘ gradually closer to his pillow
I’m just gonna put it out there, I guarantee what he did with that shave gel was use it as lube………….
You personally can’t do anything. You’re a guest in his parents’ home and you have no authority whatsoever. He’s been abusing that bathroom all his life, probably. Your brother, with your parents’ help, might have a chance, but since they let him get to 17 being that disgusting, it seems unlikely. For now, start keeping your stuff in your own room, away from him.
I would move out. I think it’s super weird when people move in with their partners family instead of finding a place on their own. If you can’t afford to then yall don’t need to be living together until you can. Like someone else said, you aren’t really in a position to complain. You might live there but it’s not your home, it’s your boyfriends parents house that they allow you to stay in.
I’d just move out and get your own place with your bf. Not worth the hassle and mess to live there.
The teenage brother had been using your bf’s special shave gel as a special self lubrication gel for jerking it..
You need to throw your weight around (with your bf’s support) to enforce the after every use rule: the bowl, seat and base of the u-bend must be returned to visibly clean and dry where its sposed to be after every use. Basically leave it as you found it. Its 30 secs of effort after a poo that when learned as a habit will help them be a good coinhabitant for the rest of their lives.
You live in someone else’s house you have to put up with them I’d say get your own place so you don’t have to deal with this stuff
Get a bathroom caddy like the ones made for college dorms and leave nothing in the bathroom, no body wash, no toothbrush, nothing. Bring it with you every time. I’d also politely one day go to him and say can I talk to you for one min and wait til he puts his phone down. Say something like can you please try to wipe the toilet seat clean when you’re done using it? I’m not sure why it’s getting so dirty, but if it does I got these Clorox wipes you can use to wipe the seat clean afterwards.
I feel so bad for his sis too.
This is what happens when you don’t discipline your child properly. That boy is MORE than old enough to know better. I’d smack him around. You’re a good person, but if you’d buck up and make a lot of noise when that stuff happens and if the family (if you can call it that, he doesn’t even clean up after himself properly for crying out loud) will back you, he’d learn and do better.
Time to be an adult and move out.
You save up and move out. Moving into their home makes you an extra kid, not really someone who parents the other kids.
This story is an example of why I NEVER recommend moving in with a partner in their parent’s house. Wait until you can afford to get your own place to take that step.
The only way you possibly stop him is with the rest of the family on side and prepared to do an intervention. He needs that, with the TV off and without his phone, so that he has no option but to listen and engage in the conversation. When he starts saying sorry, tell him that telling you all sorry doesn’t mean anything to any of you if he’s going to keep doing it, because his actions show that he is not sorry.
Provide him with consequences, too. If this doesn’t stop, then the family is going to have to look into therapy so that he can talk to a professional about it.
Also, while he isn’t diagnosed as special needs, it’s likely that he is. The definition given for sociopaths is “a mental health condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others.”
He is saying sorry, but he clearly doesn’t mean it, and the fact he still thinks it’s acceptable shows that he sees it differently to the rest of you, which again suggests he’s a sociopath. Taking stuff without regard for its owner is also indicative of that.
The image of this is slightly disgusting, but you may also want to put across your feelings on the matter in a way that he can relate to himself. For example, ask him how he would feel if his dad or brother jizzed on the toilet seat and then he sat on it later when he goes for a dump.
Wait for the disgusted look, and pounce on it. Get him to associate his own disgust at the thought with your own disgust at reality.
Or, as another person said, start planting lotion in the bathroom that has been sabotaged with fake tan, hair removal cream, or if you really want to go there… Tobasco Sauce. At the very least, he’s going to learn the hard way not to use other people’s stuff.
why would you move in with your boyfriends FAMILY? That’s weird. And then you get the weirdness of everything you described.
>his parents don’t even trust him home alone because they’re worried he’d swing the door open to a stranger and walk back to his room with his face glued to his phone.
good ol young generation
There’s a lot of people here telling me I’m not in the position to say anything because I’m a guest, and I would agree if the relationship was more fresh, but it’s not like my bf and I have only known each other for a month. His parents and I are very close. But I do agree it’s definitely not my place to discipline him, but I think I do have a right to mention it to his parents in a polite, non discriminatory manner. Whether they do anything about it is out of my hands though
Sounds like he needs a few tough love lessons to teach him. make severe changes around the house. lock up the groceries. lock up all your products. use the other bathroom. dont lend him ANYTHING. then maybe hell get the hint. you could move out as well. or just continue with the way things are. seems like he’s taking advantage of you.
as someone with pretty bad ADHD, that sounds like untreated ADHD
The mistake was moving in with your boyfriend’s family at age 19. If it was your only option then I understand but this is not a good idea at all.
You are not in a position to complain about anything in someone else’s house. You are a guest.
Why are you living with your boyfriends blended family?
Are you in a position to
Move
Complain to your Bf / his parents
You live with his family. Deal with it until you can move out.
This gross boy needs to clean up after himself! His new responsibility should be to clean the bathroom and keep it clean! He needs to grow up and stop using your and your bf’s stuff or needs a consequence of losing his phone for a whole week for each offense.
Depending on how much he touches himself, I’d assume that’s what those gels got used as lube since he doesn’t have much facial hair to shave. His parents need to start actually disciplining him so when he’s grown, he can live by himself. He isn’t going to be their little boy forever he needs to learn how to clean after himself and stop being gross.
Time to start getting nasty back. Laxatives in the food you know he’s gonna eat, capsaicin in the things in the bathroom that you know he’s gonna use for…whatever the hell he’s doing.
It may be cruel, but the nice way hasn’t worked. Perhaps he will learn the value of not touching other people’s stuff if it causes him harm.
He’s a good dude….other than shitting and splooging with reckless abandon. Didn’t have that on my bingo card. Great read!
Moving in with in laws is a tough choice. I know things are tough, but I would not do that if I had a choice.
It sounds like you’re doing the best you can in terms with dealing mentally with it. It must be pretty tiresome for you and your bf to put up with his brother’s behavior, but you’re on the right path. The advice from others with your food and things, if possible to find a way that you can follow it (even though it’s cramped) is still good advice. A car boot, garage area, shelves (that you could temporarily introduce and take away once you move), esky and quality fridge bags could be another possibility. Plus disposable paper toilet seat covers that you can get in some public toilets or maybe find in a chemist perhaps might also help maybe. It must be disgusting but you really do sound like you’re keeping your chin up and getting closer to that day you get to move out. All the best
You and the BF should get totes to carry your personal hygiene products to the bathroom and out again each time. As for the unhygienic toilet … idk maybe keep a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle of disinfectant in the bathroom and never wait until you’re busting to go.
What are you doing in the House of your boyfriend family ?
You could always find your own place to stay… that’s technically his house and you are a visitor in it. Whatever they allow you to do in it, should be met with appreciation and gratitude.
For everyone asking why I’m living with his parents and why we “aren’t” moving out, We are. Thing is rent where we live is minimum $2000 a month not including utilities. He got a job as a maintenance worker at a nice apartment complex and gets 30% off so we’re both saving until we can leave. I didn’t ask to move in with them, they insisted. we’re getting out of here within the next 6 months
Why’d you move into a house of 5 with only 2 bathrooms, as a 19y/o? Bathroom shared by 4…..this is not going to end well.
What necessitated moving in with your boyfriend’s family? Unless you were homeless and desperate or facing foster care, that in itself was a poor life decision if y’all are over 18.
The two of you have the ability to earn dual incomes and go have a decent quality of life unto yourselves out from under grade school and middle school siblings. You could both work even minimum wage jobs full time and afford a one bedroom apartment. This does not have to be a reality for you.
And unless you’re forking over some cash to the Mommy and Daddy of this house, you’re being ungrateful to say anything to the adults. You and the bf need to launch up out of the household kiddo locker room toilet facilities and go make your own way vs whine about kids you have no authority to structure differently.
His parents should not have to be supporting you with their shelter, utilities and grocery costs. They are approaching fixed incomes as they age and need you crew of children to aim at supporting yourselves not living off these poor parents. If that many of you are sharing a bathroom they don’t sound wealthy.
Set an example for these little ones and you and your bf move out and go support yourselves.
Move out.
He needs incentivised to have standards for himself, a male role model to style himself after and a goal.
I mean you’ve moved into a family home with teenagers. This isn’t a roommate situation. Kids are gross.
Well, I understand everything except how someone can not clean so constantly… it is a real test of patience. Good that you plan to move.
If I was your boyfriend, I would literally take him by his arm and say him that hé will never touch anything of our stuff again or he Will be very sorry.
Not a Nice thing, I know, but it works. Some people need this.
i just read up to the part about the toilet and this is a true horror
I’d take the important stuff you use in the bathroom
And put it in ur bedroom where it’s out of sight and locked up
As far as the shit and cum , bf needs to talk to his parents
He’s definitely using the shower gels for alternative purposes lol
Start charging him. He uses up ur things be like that costed me such and such. Threatening to sue him for what he used. Or start locking things up to where only u can get to it. As of cleaning yeah make a chore list of who cleans the bathroom and disinfect before u use the bathroom.
OK so I’m coming from a caring standpoint, but I also have no idea how your relationship is. When I was 19 I also moved into my bf’s (now ex) parents house. My circumstances was getting kicked out as well (walls of room was torn down), and that was one of the worst mistakes of my life. Not only did we go through his oldest brother living there, but his oldest brother was disgusting, it was a kids room with a grown 30 something year old in there with his 7 year old kid and a bully dog that he let piss and shit on the concrete on the side of the house. I shared a bathroom with all these guys. That bathroom will never be clean, ever, trust me. There will always be piss found at the bottom of the toilet on the floor, guys are not generally good at cleaning (my ex would throw ajax on something and leave it for the next person to clean). I spent 2 years begging my ex for us to get an apartment but he kept adamantly refusing to save money. Eventually he showed his true colors and got abusive. I then had to leave there in a rush because he was physically violent. If you and your boyfriend have only been together for a short time, I would be extremely wary of relying on him and his family so much. This comes from a place of experiencing almost exactly what you are experiencing
I’m the first in my generation to read this.
Anyway, I think that this is behaviour that needs to get changed with a behaviour similar to boarding school. Not violence or anything like that, but you have to be firm with him until he picks up the habit.
If you’re going to move, try to resist and good luck.
Has your boyfriend tried the “waiting outside the door with a shovel” method? A good stance and following through is very important. Stretch before hand, this is no time to pop a hamstring.
why if the bf had expensive shave gel for 4 years and the brother only just now started to use it? you and your bf are adults and can get your own place. also you have rooms and cars. keep your belongings in there
Get a toiletries bag and take your stuff out when you’re done and lock it away somewhere.
What a piece of shit.
Just do the best to live with it and leave asap. You’ll survive. And one day you’ll laugh sbout it.
Probably uses the shave cream to jack off.
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This just isn’t a fight worth having
And if you wanna marry your BF, this will just complicate things if you try to change it
Leave ASAP. Quit saving up for better cars and other non-sense. Leave now
Find him a a gf to men him up
Bro is no one gonna mention how insane it is that her dad is in love with a ai chat bot?!?!