My girlfriend is a very busy and hardworking person. She is going off to college next year which means she would be even more busy. I took her out a few weeks ago but ever since then it’s just been weird. yesterday she came over to talk and I immediately knew what this was about. She was saying how I’m not getting the love I deserve because she doesn’t have time to talk to me anymore. I gave her a final hug and walked her back to her car. Today is the day after and everything reminds me of her. Anything that reminds me of her remotely just brings me to tears. I need to get over this and I need help.
My Girlfriend and I called it quits yesterday. How do I get over her?
r/Advice
Comments
Sorry – that’s rough. But I am going to tell you that there is no quick fix. You just have to endure one day after the other with each day getting you to a place where you can be over it. It could be a month it could be a year – maybe longer.
Be with friends. They help the most.
Focus on yourself. Sex is not that important.
She’s not your girlfriend you called it quits yesterday
Just went through this as well. It’s tough man. But gotta push forward. Sounds like you’re still young so you have plenty of time to find “the one”. Also, be thankful she didn’t drag it out and keep you on the hook. You got this!
Just take one step at a time. Don’t worry about the future. Since you’re single, you can take time to reinvent yourself and build up something for your life. She is going to college and probably meeting new people and dating someone new. That’s the reality that you will have to accept. You’re no longer tied to her so how about you go get a career or do some studying to better yourself? Maybe the next girl will be an upgrade if you get better. Trust me on this, I dumped my ex-gf for college and we are both happier with new partner. I probably match better with the new person. Just give yourself a hard date of when you will stop moping and move on.
You wont, thats how life works
75 here…
Look back in a decade, and you’ll see it was an important…a pivotal… learning event.
This hurt was sent to teach you something… understand the lesson.
In my case at 19, the lesson was “Francesco, you’re not the center of anyone’s universe but your own.”
It’s one of life’s profound lessons.
How you ask? Like Gandhi, Keep On Walking.
Rebound
Just time man , took me about 2 years to get over my ex of 8 years . The last two years of our relationship was break ups and getting back together . After the last one I was finished , took 6 months off from dating . Bit by bit, it gets easier . It’s hard, but over time it gets better
One thing that really helped me was feeling better about myself . Started cooking really awesome , healthy meals , dropped a few pounds . And if you talk to yourself , talk to yourself like you are your own best friend . Only positive things , you’ll be good
That is a hard one, im sorry you’re going through this. You need to talk to a therapist or someone you trust, someone who can be a supportive person while you need it. Don’t suffer alone.
Thanks to everybody commenting. Yall seem like great people 🙂
Booze helps a lot
Bang her hot friend
Fuck another girl
Work out at the gym
It takes time to heal, find a few new hobbies to get into. Make some new friends to get your mind off of her.
Remember to breathe. It’s gonna hurt and that’s okay. Embrace the feelings, but don’t dwell. You’ll move forward and meet someone new. Life has a funny way of working out. It’s a process. And it’s not always funny
If you were happy with her as a girlfriend, it takes time to heal. Permit yourself some time to grieve for a while. Things will get better, but breakups are hard. It is good that she was straight with you about how she sees your situation. Some people dither when they know a relationship isn’t what they want and think is fair, and then they make themselves miserable with guilt. At least this breakup was amicable and transparent.
Day one. Cry into your pillow. Do you have a “rage room” in your area? It is a room where you pay to break things (things that were going to be thrown out anyway, like old tiles from a home renovation). Some people find breaking things releases negative energy.
Day two. Change social media profiles if you were listed as a couple on those profiles. Then, don’t look at anything she posts on social media for a notable period of time – like months. You don’t need to block her, but you need to suppress seeing her profile so it doesn’t look like you are sad stalking her on Insta. Also, go out with friends.
Day three. Collect any items (hard copies of photos, tickets to events you attended together, momentos, cards, etc.) and put them in a box. Put the box in a hard-to-access location. You can figure out what you want to do with the items some other time. Go out with friends.
Day four. Copy all of your photos with her on your phone and put them in a folder that you lock so that you won’t scroll and be wistful about the relationship. If you live with your parents, ask one of your parents to go out to lunch or dinner with you. Tell your parent that you are sad your relationship ended. Tell them that she was really busy and felt it was for the best. She did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong. But you are just sad and wanted to share that with them. If you haven’t shared this kind of information about your relationship with your parent before, they will be sad for you but also feel incredibly touched that you talked with them. Tell them that you still like keeping some of your life private but you appreciate them listeing. You will now be the golden child in your parents’ eyes. Watch a movie with them – they’ll probably let you pick whatever you want.
Day five. Hang out with friends. Do something active. Randomly give your parent a hug – that will extend the golden glow.
Day six. Hang out with friends.
Day seven. It has now been a week post-breakup. Decide if there’s something you want to do to change up your routine. Is there a club you want to join? A new activity? You could hang out with friends again, but also going for a walk and reflect. Being sad at life changing and letting things go are totally okay. Walk back home with a plan to do that new thing.
If your friends want to set you up with someone new, consider it but don’t feel pressure to date anyone until you are ready. If you need time to be alone and just hang out with friends, that works too. You’ve got this!
Time.
Best advice I can give you is DO NOT REACH OUT TO HER . Let her come to you!! By you not reaching out to her , she’s going to start question her decision and start wondering why you haven’t check on her , by you reach out to her it’s just going to give her access to you anytime she wants . Wish I would’ve listen to those words but anyways pick up a hobby something that will keep you busy . I personal went the week after and got my motorcycle permit and bought a bike ( don’t to this ), haven’t look back but most importantly TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS
It gets better as time goes on. Believe me. It feels impossible now but your brain is wired to get over things like this. You will be ok. I know it’s hard.
Get under someone else
I recently went through a rough break up. After four long years she just decided I wasn’t the one. They hurt like hell. Best piece of advice is to actually grieve and allow yourself to feel your emotions. Too many people try distracting themselves to avoid the pain.
Maybe you except the fact that you don’t and face your feelings. Something inside of you is asking you to pay the freak attention to yourself.
Uugghhhh it’s the worst feeling ever. Time will heal, but until then I recommend whiskey and weed. I’m just kidding, kind of.
Mourn the loss of the relationship and let yourself get through it. With any loss you have to grieve properly.
When you feel ready start doing things. Get a hobby hang out with friends etc. just don’t stagnate and mope around crying over her. That does Bobby any good.
You don’t. You learn to deal with it and that will get easier in time.
It’s only the next day. It will take some time.
I like to say that it takes about half of the time you were with a girl to really get over her.
The best thing you can do to mitigate despair is to stay positive and stay busy. Have fun with friends, take a trip, start doing Yoga. This the introduction to the next chapter.
I’m a tad codependent sometimes so I tend to favor the, “get-over-girl” method. It can be helpful in extreme cases but is really ultimately unhealthy.
I’m very sorry that you are going through this. Time is what helps.
Find a new hobby that you didn’t have time to try before. Preferably one that will have group meet ups. Widen your friend circle. Meet new people, try new things. Do things with your friends. After you take a little bit of time to mourn for the relationship loss.
Don’t block her on anything, but hide her accounts on social so she doesn’t show up. Delete conversation threads. Remove her number from your phone so that you are not tempted to contact her.
Do not watch her social. Do not look at old conversations. Pack up things that she got you and store them safely away until you can enjoy them without the pain.
Basically, you need to slowly get use to her not being a huge part of your life.
Things will work out. Not always the way that we planned. The relationship taught you how to be a good partner and what you want in one. It has served its purpose. You will find that forever love. It’s hard when we think we have it already and lose it. But I have to tell you, the one who turned out to be my forever love is way better for me than the one who broke my heart. We’ve been together 32 years, married 24.
Breakups are always tough, but the cures are a combo of:
Time. Literally…one…day…at…a…time.
Spend time with friends and family doing fun things you would normally do with them.
Take some nature walks and/or go workout at the gym.
Focus on your favorite hobby. If you don’t already have one, explore various things until you find one.
Learn a new word each day.
Find an interesting volunteer opportunity…helping others in need is a cool way of getting out of your own head.
Force yourself to get out…go to a museum…watch a live band play at a cool venue…hit up a creative food truck, etc.
Pray and/or meditate.
Focus on your school work and/or job.
Just keep moving and make yourself a little better today than you were yesterday.
Godspeed to you on your life journey.
You have to grieve the idea of this relationship the same way you grieve the death of a loved one: with time and gentleness towards yourself.
You need time to get a new routine and a new lifestyle on your own. Sometimes that means finding your old self again with the things you used to enjoy. Sometimes it means trying new things on your own
Be around friends and join some new activities. Try to remember this feeling is temporary.
Go have sex
Time
Time is what will help the most. Doing things for yourself, or re engaging in a hobby, is a great way to help the process
So she chose for you. That is pretty patronizing.
Ask her if she is breaking up for your sake or hers. If the former that is none of her business, if the latter, even if it is “i feel inadequate as a gf” that is fine
time.
Grow your hobbies and friendships.
Cry. Live. Cry again. Let the sadness have its way with you when it comes but do not seize onto it and try to deepen it. Then go about your business until it comes again. Rinse and repeat. Over time, frequency and intensity will drop
I found this tool helpful in my past.
> In my breakup process, I started four journals.
There is some overlap in them and sometimes a thought in one runs into something that gets pasted into one of the others. I put things in it as they come to mind,. There is one rule.
> One journal is simple expressions of grief and their triggers if any, like when I wail or bellow or weep or sob
> One is whatifs, regrets and self doubts (Like I wish we had done this…or “if only” as my mind squirms like a worm as it tries to fabricate a way out of its pain by revising the past.)
> One is wistful and mistiness, like things I will miss, and some tender memories.
> The last is most important. It is appreciations of many of our times together. Things that make me laugh or feel warm as I think them up. They ALL make me feel a bit better.
> My one rule is around the appreciations and it is very helpful. When I write something hard or sad in one of the others, I follow it up with a new appreciation around a good memory. It really does take the edge off. I highly recommend that rule if you have a painful situation, an ending or otherwise.
Grief is love’s invoice
Try to keep busy. Do you have hobbies you can get involved with? I found if you do something mental/physical it helps clear the mind…horse back riding, skating or tennis, etc. It forces you to think about something else even if it’s a few minutes at a time. Some of those things you have to concentrate so you don’t fall…which really helps ré channel your thoughts. It also can help to be around other friends. Try to think about positive things, maybe some goals for yourself to learn a new thing, are there classes that you’d like to take? Do you play music or do some kind of art? Maybe say a little prayer for strength & guidance.
Get over her by getting under someone else…
Just try to do things that you enjoy, whether it is watching a show or playing games- try to keep yourself busy. You should also remove her off of social media and even delete her number. Even if you just do one thing a day, eventually you will rid yourself of constant reminders.
I also agree with what others are saying, try to surround yourself with friends and family. Losing a relationship is hard. Whether it was 1 month, 1 year, or 1 decade- it is going to take time to get over and being around people who love and cherish your company always helps.
Also, going outside and getting some fresh air can help too. Things will get better and easier with time. Remind yourself that it is okay to hurt, it is okay to feel sad. Accepting those feelings and realizing that it is time to move on is the first step in the healing process. You got this!
Just gotta push through the heart ache. It’ll hurt until one day it doesn’t anymore, then you’ll be fine. You got this. Stay strong
Go into a hoe phase
Time my brother, time
You mean ex girlfriend
you can just bang your blues away
I’m going through or have been something similar, if it’s over it’s over don’t talk to her I say block her so she can’t reach out to you, because if she does it’ll probably mess you up man
My gf of 3 years decided to leave last October, she moved out didn’t see her at all for 2 weeks, then ran into her when she was packing her things, we had sex, that was almost a year ago, and it’s been a fucking mess since, if your done and it’s over let it be completely over, you have no reason to talk to or see her
This is controversial I know but it’s just my opinion, but I’d put myself out there again, sooner rather then later, not looking for anything serious, but actually never mind I read your whole thing about waiting till marriage, not my cup of tea but good luck brother
Roughly how old are you op? 20s 30s? Teenager? Just curious don’t answer if you don’t want too
Time
nothing wrong with a good cry, healing takes time. listen to your feel good music, or watch some feel good shows and eat some meals that you enjoy. just try to surround yourself with things that make you happy and be aware of your happiness when doing them.
You’re young, enjoy dating and build up some relationship experience so that when the one appears, you’re ready and you don’t mess it up. In the short term, lean on your bros. Those guys will carry you through more than you can imagine.
TL;DR: Your girlfriend broke up with you because she’s too busy with college prep and you’re heartbroken seeing reminders of her everywhere. Hey, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Breakups absolutely suck, especially when it sounds like you both still care about each other but the timing just isn’t right. The fact that everything reminds you of her right now is totally normal – your brain is basically in withdrawal mode. Here’s what helped me and tons of others: Start stupid small today. Put away one thing that reminds you of her – just one photo or gift, doesn’t have to be everything. When you feel the tears coming, set a timer for 2 minutes and let yourself feel it, then do literally anything else for 10 minutes (pushups, make a sandwich, text a friend). Don’t try to stop the feelings completely, just give yourself tiny breaks between them. For the next few days, your only job is basic survival stuff – eat something, shower, get outside for 10 minutes. The waves of sadness will start getting shorter, I…
Deeper lens: it may be a shadow part asking to be heard kindly.
You don’t “get over” her, you do “go through” the feelings you’re experiencing. It’s grief and rebuilding, then taking the positive things forward with you.