Kind of a rant but I also want to know if I’m the asshole here. My boyfriend (30m) and I (29f) have had a great week. We spent the weekend together and all was great outside of me having a pretty intense toothache that comes and goes in waves so sometimes I’m okay, sometimes it hurts so much I don’t want to talk. I know I need to go to the dentist, not the point. We also spent all day the day before today at an amusement park which we left absolutely exhausted. Got home, showered and cuddled and fell asleep watching a movie. Then I went to work, tooth still aching, and got home late as I had the closing shift so I passed out pretty quickly. So it’s been 2 days since we’ve had sex.
Today a huge fight blows up because I’m reading a court of thorns and roses which I told him was a fairy smut book thinking it was funny to think of it that way. From my understanding the later books definitely lean that way but I’m almost done with the first book and it’s had one pretty tame sex scene in it.
The fight came out because I started watching a show while I put on my make up that had a pretty wild sex scene in the beginning. He teased me a lot about it and I ended up changing the show.
He had also woken up saying his back was really hurting and I ended up getting him a heating pad to try to ease the pain. He has consistent back issues so it’s not out of the ordinary and an amusement park certainly couldn’t have helped.
He made a comment about me getting on top which I guess I didn’t respond to enough. I thought he was being cheeky not dead serious. I’m sure it was half serious but I was making us lunch and getting ready for work so it didn’t happen. Believe me if I’d known this was going to be the result I’d have jumped on. But I’m a bigger girl and I thought I was certain to hurt his back… He then makes the comment that I never want to have sex with him and I never initiate. The last time we had sex I initiated. He’s not wrong that my libido is lower than his and physical touch isn’t my love language which I have to acknowledge.
I guess my libido isn’t high enough and I need to make more of an effort to be more sexual and get my libido up. I just am so tired a lot. I work long hours in a restaurant with a lot of social interaction.
To be clear I find him very attractive and love having sex with him. I just don’t necessarily need to have sex every day…
Sorry for the disorganized rambling.
TLDR: my boyfriend thinks I don’t initiate sex enough and is banning me to sleep on the couch
Am I the asshole?
Comments
You aren’t an asshole but you both need to communicate about your expectations related to sex if you want a healthy and long term relationship
Kicking you out of bed because you haven’t had sex in 2 days is not a reasonable response.
2 days is not that long without sex, and you initiated. Of course you don’t want to have sex when your tooth hurts, and you’re fresh off a shift too. Usually in these cases, the person with the higher libido has to tone it down, but you can also ramp it up. This doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker, but their needs to be some clear boundaries.
i would say you just need better communication about your sex life and libido/sexual intimacy expectations, but he… kicked you out of the bed because you don’t want sex… you are far under reacting, that is seriously some messed up shit. your boyfriend is genuinely disgusting. it’s one thing to let his feelings about the situation get him frustrated but to distance you and make you uncomfortable because you’re not giving him what he wants, especially sexually, is borderline abusive.