Hi all. My boyfriend who is 24M, and I 20F, have been together for a year and 5 months. He works full time from 11 AM to 8 PM and takes two online classes. I am in school full time and work only part time. We were long distance for around a year and have had a generally good relationship with a lot of ups and downs.
For many reasons we ultimately decided to move in together and have been sharing an apartment since July. Things were going pretty well until the other week, when we had a huge falling out.
(For context he works full time with shifts from 11 AM to 8 PM, so we really don’t get much time together aside from his days off). Recently there was a period where he had done something that bothered me, and at the same time was not doing enough effort wise (planning dates, spending more quality time with me), and so I attempted to talk to him about each of these things one after another. Because of work, and while he is also doing part time school at the same time, talking everything out spanned out over several days during nights after he got home.
I get he is likely not looking forward to talking about our relationship every night for several nights after long shifts, but they were important conversations for the overall health of our relationship,, and this was also the first time for this ever happening. It was not a recurring event.
The last night where we had finally talked about the final thing, I brought up how I was hurt about something he had done the night before, and how I wished he wouldn’t do that/put more effort towards being mindful of me,, such and such. And it was at this point that he blew up and told me “it’s just one thing after another,“ and that he was too overwhelmed. Despite trying to talk to him, he proceeded to literally ignore me in our own home for the next two days. The second night, I had to practically beg him to work things out with me, as he didn’t even care. In fact, he was mean, and mad. He has never treated me with such disrespect and little care, and I’m the most hurt I’ve ever been.
Throughout all of this, I tried to be very open hearted and was just genuinely looking to communicate with him healthily. I was never attacking towards him, rude or demeaning etc. So I cannot understand why he would be so cold to me.
We ended up “talking things out” (because I was crying to him for him to just talk to me), and ever since things haven’t been the same. Any time I would seem even the slightest upset with him, (which I haven’t even really expressed much at all since his freak out) he’d get irritated or pissed off. I feel like I can never talk to him about anything again. On top of this, he’s started to just ignore me whenever there’s a hint of an argument.
It had gotten so bad to the point that I was sobbing to my mom and seeking every option to move out. My anxiety has never been so bad, it was at the point where I was starving but couldn’t eat. He has never treated me so awfully and it’s been causing my mental health to deteriorate, considering I am stuck in a living space with him.
I finally decided to ignore him back (the most recent instance where he was ignoring me) and after about 2 days he finally talked to me and asked what we were doing. Long story short, as I was whole heartedly ready to walk out, I told him he needs therapy if he wants to continue this relationship. (For more context, I am getting therapy of my own, but for other reasons). He ultimately agreed but our relationship is still not the same as it was before.
I have not bothered talking to him about anything emotional or relationship related since. I am too scared of the outcome, and I’m not sure if this is the reason why he hasn’t ignored me again yet. However, I feel horrible. He doesn’t seem to care about me the same, care about our relationship the same, or even love me the same. He does still seem to care somewhat, but the effort he put in before now seems gone. He doesn’t really care to spend quality time with me as much any more. Only if there’s time for it. He hasn’t attempted to plan any dates despite me clearly having asked him.
We unknowingly both got a day off on the same day that I was excited to spend with him, and he spent the whole day building his new desk and not talking to me ONCE. I finally got in bed and went to sleep despite waiting for him all day.
He doesn’t send me sweet messages to have a good day at school/work anymore, and he overall puts practically no effort in making me feel special or feel like a girlfriend even. I feel so miserable, alone, sad and trapped. I have never felt such a horrible loneliness and unwanted feeling. I don’t know what to do
What can I do? I’m not sure if this relationship is even salvageable. Feeling hopeless and heartbroken.
TL;DR feels like boyfriends feelings towards me have changed and he doesn’t care about me the same. Sad and need advice