AITAH for calling my mother a whale?

This requires a LOT of background.

In childhood my mother was obese. Growing up she never let me forget that obesity runs in the family and constantly encouraged me to eat healthy and stay thin, which isn’t the problem. I have always been a thin person, and I was actually a malnourished child due to an autoimmune disease, as I was finally diagnosed and gaining a healthy amount of weight, the purge on my body caused my stomach to bloat often. I distinctly remember being told at 11 years old to “suck it in” so that she could “post our family Hawaii photos to Facebook.” In teenagehood, getting seconds at dinner would cause me to be oinked at, and constant comments of my body would cause me to develop an eating disorder at the age of 13. I am now 20, still struggling with my body image, even though I am still thin.

My mom eventually lost a bit of weight due to a condition she developed in my mid-teens. And ever since then, she has become a Regina George judgemental ahole. A slightly bigger girl in a crop top walks by us in the mall? She’s chuckling and making comments about how girls “her size and more” need to learn how to dress themselves. A girl has some acne? She’s making a comment about how gross it is. She just projects her insecurities and makes comments in public that are uncomfortable and would upset anyone that ovehears it. Now being an adult, I call her out on it, but she just deflects and says she doesn’t judge people “that much”.

I have nothing against bigger people, by the way, I believe all bodies are different for a reason and are beautiful. I am not a judgemental person.

Here’s the story, my family are conservatives, I’m a lesbian. I’ve never felt accepted by my family, and have distanced myself a bit since coming out, especially since the comments they made when I was closeted were a lot worse. My mother has no shame in saying the n-word (we are white), f-slur, or other derogatory stuff. I have tried to educate her and explain that maybe she shouldn’t be saying those words, but her favorite slogan is “I’m an adult, nobody gets to tell me what I can and can’t say.” Alright.

We got into a political debate the other night, she was telling a story and decided to say the f-slur, I reminded her how uncomfortable her saying that made me, and she said her iconic slogan said above. We got into it for a bit, and I said she wouldn’t appreciate me saying hurtful words to her, she asked what I meant and I said “you wouldn’t like it if I called you a f-ing whale to your face.” The room immediately got into an uproar, and my family said I took it too far. I say play stupid games win stupid prizes. I have no regrets, I have put up with their insensitive and derogatory comments for years and I am sick of it. I have raised myself for years as my mom tries to relive her teenagehood fantasy, starved myself in my teens to appeal to my family’s standards, and otherwise been the perfect daughter, and it still isn’t good enough because I like to kiss girls. I haven’t spoken to them, and when I told my friends what happened they were definitely shocked and cringed, but none of them really had opinions on if I was right or wrong.

AITAH?