I moved into my partner’s place about 6 months ago. We both work full time, I contribute a little more than he does financially (I earn more) for our shared personal expenses like rent and food.
My partner has a dog. I contribute help by feeding/toileting/caring for the dog when my partner isn’t home. I have no issue with this.
Lately I’ve been a little reluctant to interact with his dog beyond bare necessities, as he’s really in need of a bath. I mentioned this to my partner, who is the one who usually washes the dog.
Weeks later, the dog is still unwashed.
My partner asked me to find and book a local groomer. I gave him a few supplier details locally but didn’t book the actual appointment – there’s a reason for this. My partner has a history of asking me to do things that he needs or wants, expecting me to pay for it. I should say no, but have let many things slide and paid for many tickets/goods/services that benefited him only.
My partner must have got the hint (I had hoped) and booked an appointment for the dog to be washed at 11am tomorrow, which is during my work day. He then texted me to say, “I’ve booked the dog wash at 11 but I have a conflicting appointment, can you take him please?”
Meaning.. I’d get stuck paying for it. And copping the embarrassment of what is a dog whose grooming needs have been neglected.
So I lied (sorta? It is my work day!) and said that I had a meeting I couldn’t move at that time.
My partner is now noticeably upset but not saying anything about it.
Am I being the asshole?
Is his ask unreasonable and yet another attempt to coerce control/benefit from me?
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I moved into my partner’s place about 6 months ago. We both work full time, I contribute a little more than he does financially (I earn more) for our shared personal expenses like rent and food.
My partner has a dog. I contribute help by feeding/toileting/caring for the dog when my partner isn’t home. I have no issue with this.
Lately I’ve been a little reluctant to interact with his dog beyond bare necessities, as he’s really in need of a bath. I mentioned this to my partner, who is the one who usually washes the dog.
Weeks later, the dog is still unwashed.
My partner asked me to find and book a local groomer. I gave him a few supplier details locally but didn’t book the actual appointment – there’s a reason for this. My partner has a history of asking me to do things that he needs or wants, expecting me to pay for it. I should say no, but have let many things slide and paid for many tickets/goods/services that benefited him only.
My partner must have got the hint (I had hoped) and booked an appointment for the dog to be washed at 11am tomorrow, which is during my work day. He then texted me to say, “I’ve booked the dog wash at 11 but I have a conflicting appointment, can you take him please?”
Meaning.. I’d get stuck paying for it. And copping the embarrassment of what is a dog whose grooming needs have been neglected.
So I lied (sorta? It is my work day!) and said that I had a meeting I couldn’t move at that time.
My partner is now noticeably upset but not saying anything about it.
Am I being the asshole?
Is his ask unreasonable and yet another attempt to coerce control/benefit from me?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action I took: I lied to deliberately get out of doing something my partner needed/asked from me.
Why I feel I’m not an asshole? He has history of making unreasonable requests for his own personal gain that end up costing me time and/or money for responsibilities that aren’t mine
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
nta. dump that guy. he’s gonna be a problem.
INFO: have you ever had a conversation with him about the budget issue where you covered things for him that should be his expenses? You’re NTA for wanting him to take care of his dog but it sounds like you’re hinting but not talking and now you’re even lying to try to bend him to your will. Would a conversation be easier?
NTA
Your BF is too comfortable expecting you to pull his weight and his sense entitlement will only grow each time you let things slide and enable him.
NTA. From what you describe, I tend to agree that he’s trying to take advantage of you. Let him figure this one out on his own.
Nevertheless, it sounds like it’s high time for the two of you to talk about how you’re both feeling with respect to financials.
NTA for not doing it. But if your partner is mooching off you and manipulating you, and you feel the need to lie to them, why are you with this person?
Damn, at what point does someone decide to end a relationship if it’s not when they’ve concluded that they’re just being used by their significant other? Contempt for this person isn’t there already?
NTA. Don’t leave your credit card near him and check that he has no debts, his behavior is too brazen and regular, you love him but don’t love him more than yourself, be smart
Get the money first.
I assume from your story this is a relationship /s so why don’t you communicate with your partner?
NTA in the situation but honestly it sounds like you need to consider your relationship.
You feel he uses you to pay for things, shirks responsibility and that you’ve had to lie to not have to do something.
Reassess whether this man is someone you want as a partner long term as he clearly isn’t going to change. Oh and in the case of the dog? ESH here, not the dogs fault and considering you’ve done other things, this wouldn’t have been the hill I chose. The dog deserves care and attention – another red flag on whether I’d want to be with a person who treats an animal that way
NTA but y’all need to put your big kid panties on and communicate. You need to be an adult and say “hey I’m not comfortable paying for this kind of thing. I don’t mind running errands, helping with a/b/c but I don’t feel comfortable being stuck with the bill”. He needs to communicate why he keeps saddling you with his expenses.