Long story short my partner met her ex when she was 19, he was around 35M, married with kids but she did know at first.
They really felt for each other and at one point her ex talked to his wife about divorce but eventually did not proceed.
They went on and off for 3 years with a few partners in between, until she met me, and she immediately broke up with him after a few weeks (<1 month) because she liked me and she knew I'm not going to tolerate this. Apparently she hid it from me and I only figured it out when I already loved her too much.
Fast forward until now, I have kind of settled my feelings on some of the issues, kinky sex (which as usual she refused to have with me, but I’m mature enough to ignore it now), suicide, etc. I knew she attempted suicde a few times (at least twice) because they couldn’t be together. Quite frankly she was cutting herself when I told her I would leave, which was one of the reason why I stayed. It was during Covid, her family was overseas and I felt like I couldn’t just leave her like that. We already moved in too. She also tried to babytrap me that night when I was sleeping, which I was scared to death because I wasn’t sure if she had STD or was pregnant with her ex. Thanks God i’m still alive.
However, there is one thing I’m still wondering. Am I just a second choice because they couldn’t get married? I know for a fact that she wanted to marry him and he wanted to leave his family for her.
It’s not like we are together because she chose me, or we are a better match, or whatever. We are together because she dated a married man.
Sometimes I cannot help but wondering. She often said I saved her life, but also there was no one saved me from her.
I trust her now, but I have still grown a lot of negative feelings and concerns over the years. It’s getting better every year but I’m not sure it’s ever completely going away.
**TL;DR;** :What if you are the second choice because your partner (F1)'s ex (M35) is married.
Comments
This relationship has like 99 issues and you’ve picked the least concerning one to be worried about.
Firstly, a 35 year old going after a 19 year old is predatory. Secondly didn’t you say she broke up with him to be with you? So she has chosen you.
And lastly, if this really bothers you, I think the only person that could really reassure you is her. I don’t know how old you are but give communication a go.
What’s your age, gender? I think that this thread requires you to put in your age and gender….why only the ex whom she’s not with anymore?
Also, how long have you been together?