I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Still no ring and in the same spot as we met. We both still live with our parents although at the beginning of this year I had made arrangements with a friend to become roommates we worked out the logistics and were about to start looking. When I told my partner about the plans he was a bit saddened that I was straying away from our plans as a couple. At the beginning of the year we made it our goal to move into together by the end of the year. This was a plan that sounded good as he was going to finish his paralegal program in July. Come to find out he had quit doing the program and didn’t say anything to me or his mom (who paid for it). I shared how upset I was with him,as this was something that shifted our plans in a huge way. I would have rather him told me the truth than lie to me. I also didn’t even find out through him, his mom accidentally shared it with me. We worked through things and decided on a new plan. He paid for a teaching certificate course himself and would try to start by fall of 2025. July rolls around and haven’t heard much about applying to teaching rolls. So I asked him how far he was and he responded “a little over half way” I told him to be honest that if he was behind to tell me then. The next day he tells me that he is less than a 1/4th of the way done. We create a weekly plan of deadlines. Things started to look better but at his sisters wedding I couldn’t help the feeling of “I will never be the bride” I feel I’ve thrown so much into this relationship. For extra context our first year was hard I went to the hospital for an attempted “end” and his grandmother passed who he had also been caring for. Our second year he got sick with an autoimmune disorder and was out of work for a year and a half. He went back to work at the job he had been at while in college. I feel as though we can’t move forward and I want to know how to be more supportive without running myself dry.
TL;DR:
Been with my boyfriend 4 years. Still living with our parents, no ring, and he’s lied about school/career progress. I want to support him, but I feel drained and stuck.
Comments
He was upset at you moving in with a roommate because it took away from your “plans” as a couple?
Hon, he has no plans. He is an underachiever, & content with the status quo. He lies about any supposed progress he’s making. You want to move forward in life; he doesn’t.
You two are incompatible. Move on & go for the life you want.
You’ve been so patient and supportive, but it’s hard when things aren’t moving forward. It’s okay to want more and to feel stuck. Have you had a conversation about how you feel? You deserve to feel like you’re building something together, not just waiting around. It’s also okay to put your own needs and future first.
Maybe it’s time for you to recommit to following your own dreams and not allow yourself to get held back by someone who appears to be comfortable in his situation, and who has shown himself to not be very trustworthy.