I’m 19 year old male and I have a very unstable relationship with my whole family and today I got into a huge argument with my mom. She kicked me out and got my dad to pick me up when he picked me up I got into an argument with him and he told me that I don’t have a place to stay anymore. I’m staying at a friends house for the time being. They let me keep my phone but I turned my location off. They were all texting me worried about me. I don’t want to go back to living with them. Im very close with my friends parents and they said I can live here for as long as I want but I don’t want to free load. I have no clue what I’m doing and I’m very scared. If you have any advice please let me know. I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT IS MY FRIENDS PARENTS HOUSE HE DOES NOT OWN THE HOHSE.
Kicked out at 19
r/Advice
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Get a job so you can contribute to the household bills. Ensure you know what is expected of you (do you cook your own meals, what chores will you do to support the home and how often).
And start saving so you can be independent before you overstay your welcome at your friends parents home.
You have it better than many because you have a place to live while you figure this out. Use this time to get a job and save money as much as you can so you can plan the next step in your life. Because if you are at a point of getting kicked out, you are probably not your parent’s ideal child and they probably are not your ideal parents. So live apart from that environment and figure out what you need to do to get on track with leading a successful life.
First off, it sucks that happened, but you’re not alone. Lots of people have family drama at your age. Since you don’t want to freeload, maybe start looking for a part-time job to help with expenses at your friend’s place. Even just chipping in for groceries would show you’re serious about being responsible.
First, breathe..
Sorry you find yourself in this situation.
If you are going back or not.
You need to find a job so you can look out for yourself.
This is a priority.
Once this happens, you’ll start to have a plan.
Learn to hold your tongue you seem to know how to make a situation worse
Look into getting a job ASAP and as soon as you get a pay cheque, tell his parents you want to pay your way, and what would they consider an acceptable amount of rent?
If they give you a number, pay them that amount every month. If they tell you not to worry about it, you’re lucky. Even then, I would still insist on paying at least $100-$200 (depending on the actual take home pay).
And if they really don’t want you to pay anything at all after that, keep at it with your job and save as much as possible. Spend responsibly and in a year or two, you can probably look at getting an apartment.
And even if they do say no, still offer to pay them every month so that they have an opportunity to change the arrangement if they need to.
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Whether youre right or wrong.
Be the bigger man and apologize. Knowing when to apologize and move forward even when right will take you a long way..
Last tip, idk your relationship with your parents. But if you go to prison for 16years tomorrow. Your mom and pop will be the only person to visit you. Your friends wont. Your girlfriend wont. Your mom will literally be the only person who wont forget about you
Go air force bud best thing to do in a bind the chicks are hot and the food is good and it’s easy boot camp and fast ranking who knows you may make a career out of it and retire by the time your 35! I wish I would have done that!
Army, worked for me.
Sounds like you have huge respect issues and don’t respect the fact your parents have supported up until now. You want to believe you know more than them, then either support yourself and stop moaning to random people on the Internet or go back and behave like a grateful son untol you get your life in order. The world is a harsh place and at your age you should either be in schooling or working gaining experience to look after yourself.
You are incredibly fortunate to have been supported up until 19, some people don’t have such a luxurious situation.
If they are happy to have you then stay with them, work on yourself.. Maybe find a source of income and start contributing towards it..
Prior to that if you don’t want to feel like you’re mooching off them then help them with jobs around the house and stuff..
If they want to help you then they probably dont want you to worry about paying them back for it all so hastely..
Just be appreciative and start putting your life together
I have posted this in the past to young folks that might be getting kicked out, it is something to consider.
[Join a branch of the military, ]()[they will house you, feed you, teach you a cool job (Nurse, pilot, cyber security or something) you will build a great support group, make a pay check. They have great benefits, life time health care, GI bill for college when you get out, the list is long. It will be a great start in life, and or a great career.]()
Most towns have recruiting offices, go to one and see what they have to offer. Air Force, Navy, Coast Guard, and the Army is what I would recommend. They have a lot of non-combatant jobs that need to be filled, especially in health care. Carefully choose a job that will be easily transferable to a civilian career. See the link below, it’s the Army looking for healthcare workers, they will send you to school and pay you to go. So many opportunities, not only will you be successful, you will be proud of yourself. Good luck!
https://www.goarmy.com/careers-and-jobs/specialty-careers/health-care.html?iom=BDZM-22-0029_N_OSOC_MOSSpecific_FB_xx_6261583262__&linkId=150567102
You should have had a job at 16
I was kicked out at 18 so I can empathize. It won’t be an easy road to get on your feet. I’m glad you have a secure place to stay. Try to help out as much as possible around their home, and always clean up after yourself. Get a job if you don’t have one. Save as much as you can for as long as you can.
If you truly think it’s a good idea not to go back home and stay with your friend’s parents place, you really need to start acting like an independent adult.
Get a job, pay as much as you can afford towards bills, proactively do the household chores. You need to contribute. Doesn’t matter how your friend acts, you are not their son, so be an responsible adult. And definitely start looking for place to stay and moce out asap so you won’t overstay their welcome.
There’s no going back. Legally you are an adult & it’s time to get a job so that you can contribute when asked & start planning your next moves. Renting a room is your next option should your friends family asks you to leave. It wasn’t handled properly yet well within their rights to remove you from your family home. It’s sad, I don’t agree but that’s me. I have no clue why they did it or what they have been going through. It’s not typical for parents to remove a dependent adult child without warning or preparation. I was married at your age , still am 42 yrs later& was a college student & worked full time . Times are def different. I’m assuming you went right from playing video games, eating their food & not contributing to the family. To being put out. It’s time to get yourself together. It doesn’t happen overnite . Please don’t find yourself shocked when your friends family asks you to leave . It’s very costly to feed a grown man let alone the added stress to monthly bills & family dynamics . So don’t get too comfy nor sloppy & ungrateful. Live ready until you’ve landed where you can take care of yourself. Good luck ✌🏼
Get a job, even if they say you can stay for free, LEAVE A COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON THE COUNTER EACH MONTH, i ended up on a friends couch as a teenager, his parents said i could stay for free given i did some housework and helped out eith thier business(payed) even then, a stranger has opened up thier house and life to me without expecting anything in return. That money you leave isnt rent its a way of saying thank you and showing respect
Dont be a slob, you have to keep the spaces you use clean, that is not your house, im sure this point is already understood
Be 100% honest about your situation, theh have already offerd the largesr form of help they can, they obviously care, explain to them what happened, even if it doesnt look the best of your part, that honestly goes a long way
Give it like 2-4 weeks then reach out to whichever parent was more emotionally stable
I hope you brought with you your important documents and stuff
19 is plenty old enough to start working. To show your appreciation to your friends parents, start paying them rent money(even if they refuse). Also, eventually start paying for your own phone service. It will show your parents how serious you are about being on your own. Clean up after yourself and respect your friends parents rules.
Some in the comments say to join the military. My father had a similar situation as you. Parents were neglecting him, he lived in a bad neighborhood, was in trouble with the law, had bad influence friends. He joined the army as an escape and ended up retiring after an accomplished 25 years. You also get to travel the world with the military. You can sign a temporary contract and if its not for you, you’ll be out in 4-6 years.
Also, I get the part about being afraid. I was on my own at 18 far from family. You will be ok as long as you hold a job. Make plenty of friends as they will help you navigate this thing we call life.
Find a trade like construction, HVAC, railroad, electrical and go far with it. Most the careers i mentioned dont require school and will train you unless its a specific job. Look for unions. In a few years you will be making 100k plus and be in charge of your life.
You can do it! Nothing is impossible.
You are 19 my man, it’s time to get out in the world! Be happy that you are free. Now, you just have to learn how to support yourself. A job is a really good way to start.
What are you scared of?
You should know that there is a such thing called “tough love” that is meant to scare you into realizing you have it good at home. You still get your meals made for free and don’t pay rent – you’ll feel better once you are out on your own but ready for it. Suck it up, swallow your pride, apologize and talk to them about a real move out plan – not as an answer to a fight- and do it the right way.