i have been feeling so incredibly down in the dumps. it’s like i am constantly comparing myself to others my age – they’re thriving, and im not.
they have casual jobs, have partners, have vivid social lives and whatever, but i’m here clinging onto little pieces of safety. the few friends i have say i should be focusing on uni, not worrying so much. but at this point uni is the only thing dragging me out of bed right now. i’ve been trying hard to get out there and just push myself. but it doesn’t work. even when i see people happy and just living life, i can’t help but feel like im not, and that im slowly becoming my biggest fear of amounting to nothing but a pool of regret.
my parents have been constantly pushing their religion onto me despite my very hard-headed protests, constantly doubting my degree choice, constantly telling me that 18-23 is the golden age of “being a woman”, that clearly no man would find me attractive after that point. but all this does is make me feel like i have an expiry date. and all this does is centre my existence around finding somebody who i don’t have the emotional capacity right now to care for. i’ve tried talking to them.. but as very conservative parents, this only gave me another wave of scolding and criticism about my character.
i’m on lexapro for anxiety + depression and have been for a few months, however it hasn’t seemed to help much. unfortunately the medical system where i am doesn’t support rebated therapy sessions, and my parents really.. aren’t big fans of therapy.
what can i do by myself.. for myself, slowly but surely, to just.. get me out of this rut of hopelessness? any little thing will be helpful too.
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If your medication isn’t helping you, then you should talk with your doctor about it and see what other options you have. Physical exercise, a healthy diet, and doing the little things that you know will make you feel better but are hard to do are all things that can improve your mental health. Some things you can’t change right now, like your parents, but other things you do have control over
Comparison at times can crush u but don’t let it you just have to have a different perspective and focus on yourself. Make yourself a couple of goals a week celebrate the little and big wins make the goals harder each week I can give you three 1. Invest in your mental health start reading books on how to improve it taking walks outside to calm you limit distractions in your life sacrifice is necessary. 2. Find happiness in the simple things like nature or drawing. 3. Self love/care start working out eating better limiting screen time before bed listening to your body when tired and go to sleep.
Men will find you attractive for a while after 18-23 but your focus now should be you but you should write something’s you want in a man like provider,protecter,emotionally available,respectfully,loving. I can be someone you can talk to about what going on like a counselor
as a 20m
i find myself at the same point just as you
won’t sugarcoat it for you but would still say
you are in your own timeline
comparison is the killer of happiness and you have your own specific time for every single thing.
and secondly parents do want the best for us but dont know what is best for us, so be humble with them and i would suggest to just let them be and be calm
whatever limit you have for anything just start working in that specific limitation in baby steps and you’ll see your parents see you and understand you better leading to giving you more space and limitations.
You’re being so hard on yourself, don’t be like that… give yourself time and space first so that others can too
don’t rely on medicines as they will just ruin your health more making you an addict even if they work
Be calm, if you wanna discuss more, i’ll be available
As a woman who experienced similar feelings at 18, I would say it is an unfortunately depressingly normal state for many at that age. It’s bloody hard being a teenager, especially with the world as it is now. Please treat yourself with kindness and patience.
My advice, reflecting on what worked for me:
9 Act like you are the grandmother to your inner child and support, cheer, praise and love yourself. You ARE worth it.
Good luck, hang in there, it changes I promise. Take care x
13-23 are the suckiest years of being a woman.
I don’t know why everyone says youth is so great. Frankly youth sucks. Being an adult is way better.
Your friends are right about Uni, just get through it, pass your classes, get it over with. I know some people think Uni is this super fun time but it sucks for a lot of people, but then you get out and live your real life.
Your degree is your degree, it mostly matters that you get one. After your first couple jobs your work experience will count for more than your degree does.
I don’t know what country you are in, but in Western countries, Uni educated people usually marry in their late 20s or early 30s. So if you’re in a Western country this is an absurd thing to worry about.
If you’re in a country where people marry younger, and you really are worried about it, then I guess you can try dating or matchmaking services or whatever your country offers to hook people up.
Does your university offer therapy or support groups?