I’ve noticed that whenever I’m talking to people friends, coworkers, even strangers I end up overexplaining everything I say like I can’t just answer a simple question I feel the need to add all this context so they won’t misunderstand me or think I’m rude. It makes me sound nervous or unsure of myself and sometimes I walk away from conversations feeling embarrassed. I think it comes from wanting everyone to get me or not think badly of me but it’s exhausting. One day I even caught myself starting to explain to my boss where I spend my money like literally breaking it down, saying 500$ for rent some for the car, some for food and even that I was on holiday and that’s when I realized how automatic this habit has become. Has anyone figured out how to break this habit and how do you learn to just say what you mean and leave it at that without spiraling into extra explanations?
How do you stop overexplaining yourself in conversations?
r/Advice
Comments
Quit thinking
Literally put a finger on your lips. Reminds you to stop talking and also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps bring down anxiety.
Try just giving short yes/no answers. Use social cues. If they want more info they’ll ask or give you a blank look. Then, and only then, give a brief explanation. If they still look confused ask them “Do you want to know the background? What are you confused about?” Keep it short. This way you aren’t over explaining, and they aren’t having to listen to you give them a bunch of details they didn’t ask for or need.
It’s a daily struggle for me. I have just become comfortable with the fact that people probably don’t know or care what I’m talking about.
Ok, I just wanna you kudos for recognizing it, not everyone does.
Honestly there are a few things you can do. I struggle with this too
Firstly, try and identify what triggers it. While it may seem like part of your personality, it is definitely a learned behavior. So if you notice yourself doing or think about it after the fact try to find the pattern. Heck you could even pretend you’re a detective trying to solve your own mystery.
Secondly, how about trying slow down conversations. Like is a boss asks you to explain something, take a few seconds to think before responding. Sometimes silences can be awkward .
Thirdly, and this is the one that works best for me, focus on the other person. For people who over explain, we often tend to examine everything we do. Think of it as a self-reflecting spotlight that is kinda damn annoying lol. So to get around this? Ask questions, focus on listening.
As someone who has struggled with this, I promise you it is overcome-able.
I would start by figuring out the pattern. At the end of each day write down any encounters where you did this that day and what the better alternative would have been. Literally think through what you could have said, instead. Just becoming more aware of it and “rewriting it” in your head might be enough, but you’ll have to do it for at least a month.
You could also sit and write down hypothetical questions or prompts and then figure out how you could answer them. The more “practice” you have, the more likely it will come naturally to you when you are in the situation.
I kind of view it like you are taking out your wallet to pay for something with cash, then getting overwhelmed with the messy wallet and just dumping all of your bills and change on the counter to sort through it in front of the cashier. Getting your thoughts more in order in advance might help.
You’re overthinking. Take a deep breath and speak.
This is who you are and you also need to consider the upsides of your behaviour: i am sure that you are able.to build strong relations based on trust. Let me know if i am wrong please.
Just show them you like them and don’t worry about explaining. Let their be some awkward silence they’ll like you better.