How to know if I like Girls 💔

Three months ago, I broke up with my long-term bf. Good riddance, but since then I’ve been partying and exploring my sexuality. I never knew I was gay until hs but I was in theatre so all my friends were gay or questioning. I had a small crush on a friend, then another on another close best friend of mine. But maybe those weren’t crushes? Maybe I convinced myself I liked girls to be cool?

Even then I never had my first experience until a few days ago. I went to a queer party with some friends, got drunk and kissed whoever I wanted—one of those being a girl who ended up wanting to hang out the next day.

For reference in this story I’m 21, the woman was 24. So I went, fully nervous but a little cocky. I’ve slept with a woman before, a friend of mine accidentally, but I was comfortable with her enough to do that—plus drunk. When I got to the woman’s house though, I got so nervous I drank way more than I was supposed to and smoked. Then she started kissing me, and I loved it, but my mind kept racing “what if she hates this?” “What if I do terrible?” “What if we do this and I never see her again?” So I stopped her, twice. Twice! And I just kept shouting apologies to her all night in her kitchen, it got so bad she wanted to check my ID! (She thought I lied about my age 😭) it was so embarrassing, the moment has been replaying in my head since. She was so so sweet though, but I must’ve annoyed her because I was kicked out by 11.

All that to say, how do you know you like women? Even writing this I feel so sure, but I’m scared. I’m scared of dating women, being around them—what if I hurt their feelings by actually being straight? With the girl, I was so afraid she’d hate being with someone who’s never slept with women, her guiding me, I just wanted her to have the good time that she bargained for. Like, was going to her place for a date? Was it casual? How do I keep things casual? And is it ok to ask lesbians questions about their sexuality and their story? Help me please! 😭