I won’t sugarcoat anything, and I’ll be straight to the point. I have had a boyfriend for about 3 months (not long yet, I know.) and he’s so nice, kind, and really loving and understanding. Thing is, I don’t think I love him. I’ve had silly crushes on men before but once I start dating them, it all goes away. The only time it hadn’t gone away while dating was when I was with a woman.. I’m pretty sex repulsed because of past trauma, but only towards men.. Is it just the trauma or could I be lesbian?
I need advice. He’s so nice and we haven’t dated for long at all, but I don’t want to have him loving me if I can’t reciprocate.. What do I do?
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Hey, mad respect 4 being so brutally honest with urself. Look, no one but you can tell u if you’re a lesbian or not. It’s raw and complex and it might take a lotta soul-searching to figure out. But IMHO, it sounds less about ur trauma & more about real feelings you’re having. Plz remember, it’s ok to take time to explore ur sexuality & it’s way better to be truthful than leading ur bf in a deception. Don’t beat urself up. This stuff’s as confusing as a calculus textbook. Hope u figure things out soon, hold tight! ✌🏼🌈
The best thing you can do is tell him what all you are feeling because the longer he doesnt know, the more it will hurt when he finds out in the future. Take Care!
Just try to figure your self out. Idk much ab relation ships but i would try to talk it out with someone you trust and take some time to figure things out. hope everything works out
Not saying it is the case, but it -could- be trauma. I have the same thing where I get very uncomfortable when a man gets physically or emotionally close to me. Just like you said, I like them from a distance, but that feeling goes away when they get to close. I trust woman more, but I’m not into intimacy with woman.
You could be bi, you could be gay, anyways good to explore. I personally wouldn’t immediately break up with your bf, but it will be good to discuss it with him. If it is trauma he could help aswell.
I believe trauma could play a part in your sexuality. But at the end of the day, you are attracted to whoever you are attracted to and you can’t really change that. It’s great that you’re being really honest with yourself and catching on this early into the relationship. For both you and your boyfriend’s sake, I believe you should break up with him or just talk to him and be honest. It’s unfair to both of you if the relationship continues or if he’s unaware of your feelings.
It’s probably trauma. You could be gay. But if I were you, I would talk to a therapist before you start dumping people.
If you’re sex repulsed due to trauma you really need to do some serious therapy work. Stay out of any relationships.
Dating women is not the answer to having sexual trauma with men-it’s really not. And it is incredibly disrespectful to any woman you might date.
Focus on healing yourself-find out who you are. Not who you are in a relationship.
I’d be a lesbian even if there were no other lesbians on the planet-because that’s who I am. It’s not defined by any outer circumstance or event. Good luck-wish you well in your journey.
If he is in love and attached and you are not, then you should break it off. Unless you expect your feelings to change, but doesn’t sound like it. Continuing like that will lead to an unbalanced, stressful and dishonest relationship. Go back to being friends if you can and want to.
Then take some time and seek help to heal your trauma.
Then start thinking about dating and your desires again.
Desires come and go. Sexual stability is rather variable, your orientations can change, the trick is just to accept it as you are
I would suggest you talk to a therapist about your past trauma towards men. If it hurts `to talk about it with your partner, that’s probably the reason you can’t commit to this guy. Try journaling about your trauma if you can and share this with your therapist.
Honestly, it sounds like you’re homosexual, biromantic. You love both genders but are only sexually attracted to one.
(As a lass who’s the same, I can tell ya. Dating men will make you hate them, I promise! 😂 why do you think there’s so many country songs about wives killing their husbands!😂)
You’re a lesbian. Enjoy your female counterparts for good now, and say good by to Sir. Let him down easy and tell him the truth. its going to be hard, but once you let yourself be yourself you’ll be much better off.
Do research on comphet ( compulsory hetronormativity) and decide if any of this fits your experience.
I can only really speculate, but losing interest in men after getting into a relationship with them might have more to do with your trauma than you think. Once the relationship is official, sex becomes a possibility in the future, and if you have such a negative response to the idea of sex with men, then it may be you subconsciously avoiding that by pulling away.
The fact you’re able to crush on a guy suggests you’re physically or mentally attracted to them, which tells me you’re more likely to be bi.
That same mental barrier doesn’t exist with women because you don’t associate your trauma with women.
The minute you added sex repulsed due trauma turns this into a need for therapy.
You absolutely might be a lesbian, but you also could be hetero or bi and having a trauma response that ruining relationships.
really respect you getting to the point and I can completely relate to trying to figure out emotions can be very confusing at times. Maybe the best course of action is to put a little space between you and your boyfriend and work with a therapist to help you address the past trauma. That should help you move forward and sort things out in a way that is best for you. Good luck on your journey!