I (25F) work in a fairly large lab where we have to get into suits to work with our equipment everyday. I’m the only woman so they use my changing area as extra storage for the lab. Due to this one of my male supervisors (M60s) keeps crossing lines.
First time: he walked straight into the women’s changing area while I was mid-change. No knock, no warning. I don’t know if he saw me undressed because he left very quickly after I yelled “hello?” He later told me he was going in there to grab something.
Second time: he actually announced himself before coming in, but then brought in contractor/maintenance worker I didn’t know, saying she (the contractor) needed to “check something.” The doorway was blocked so I couldn’t leave, and when I said I wasn’t comfortable, I was told multiple times to “just deal with it because she’s a woman.” I felt trapped and humiliated.
For the record: I don’t mind changing around other woman coworkers (if I had any…) But strangers being walked in without warning is not the same. He could have called or texted me to warn me about her.
Third time: I was working on an experiment in the lab (using sensitive equipment to record measurements), and he kept interfering — opening and closing parts of the setup while I was running data collection, which completely messed up my results. I asked him to stop, he didn’t. The second I called another supervisor over, he suddenly shut it down and acted totally normal.
I filed a formal complaint and even asked that he not be in authority over me while this is sorted out, because I was worried about retaliation. HR basically brushed it off, acted like no rules were broken, and refused to take any action. Now I feel like I always have to have another person around anytime I interact with him, just to protect myself.
So now I’m second-guessing: AITA for reporting him at all when HR doesn’t think it’s a big deal?
TL;DR: Male supervisor walked into the women’s changing area without warning, later brought in a contractor/maintenance worker while I was changing and told me to “just deal with it,” then sabotaged my lab work until another boss showed up. I filed a complaint, but HR acted like no rules were broken and refused to act. AITA?
Comments
You’re not overreacting at all, that’s just basic respect and boundaries. HR sounds useless if they can’t even see what’s wrong here. It’s not hard to give a heads up or knock, especially when you’re the only woman there. And bringing in someone else without warning? That’s just weird.
Absolutely not the asshole. Your supervisor is violating your privacy and creating an unsafe environment, and HR is failing you by dismissing it. Document everything in writing (times, dates, witnesses if any) and consider escalating beyond HR if possible — like to a regulatory body or even legal counsel. You deserve basic respect and safety at work.
He sounds incredibly sexist. Is there a way to escalate above HR?
We have rooms at work that are mixed use like this – they can be used for prayers, breastfeeding, storing and taking chilled medication – and they have a signed on the door that can be flipped when in use for private purposes so nobody just walks in.
Could something like that work and then he would have no recourse to “oh I didn’t realise…” because it would be perfectly clear.
It seems the minimum they should offer if forcing you to use a shared space.
Are you sure he’s M60s?
Not M160s?
Because that’s what he sounds like…!!
No get a lawyer and document everything
NTA
They need to put a lock on that door. This is outrageous.
Do you have a corporate or compliance department you could send in a complaint? Go up the ladder, and make sure you have everything documented.
You need to report every single incident that has taken place!!! Omg he violated your boundaries in almost every single way possible!!!!!! If they don’t do anything once you’ve reported everything he did, get yourself a lawyer because you have a big lawsuit on your hands!!!!! Omg the sexual harassment, the hostile work environment he’s created, the steamrolling!!! You’re probably going to have to sue, but the payout will set you up for life, so you’ll have time to find a new job where you won’t be treated like garbage!
NTA, but you 100% need to report every incident with your boss & get a lawyer right away!!!!!
NTA
ask HR for a written statement that shows you informed them and that’s clearly states that they see no problem and take no actions. do this in writing. in that writing also recapitulate your side of what happens, when you informed HR and that you informed them about the exact same things you now write again. chance is high that this will bring movement into it.
HR is in the wrong here, you need to take it up with your supervisor.
Failing that, conversation might help. Rope his wife and kids in, if possible!, or all of your co-workers. Ask all of them if they feel his charging into your changing room while you are mostly unclad is acceptable.
NTA. Can you just get a wooden wedge and place it under the door while you’re changing?
This guy really thinks he can just waltz in and out of women’s spaces like it’s his personal playground. You definitely aren’t the AITA here, you’re just trying to keep your dignity intact while working in a circus.
NTA, call his wife and ask her to ask him to show you more respect, explain what is happening. I bet his wife will have some say in the matter since HR didn’t take it seriously, maybe his wife will? What is he or anyone going to do if you contact his wife? They took no actions so you have the right to. Look for another job too?
NTA, stop storing equipment in your changing room and put a sign on the outside of the room that states this is a womans changing room. Yes, your HR should act once could be a accident or some sort of emergency but not three times. As far as having a strange woman in there with your path to get out of the room being blocked sorry you don’t suck that up. Just because she a woman also doesn’t mean your going to be comfortable getting undressed in front of her not to mention your male boss was still there. If you’re HR does not do anything I would contact a lawyer and start filing a lawsuits both against the company and your boss.
Because you’re boss is a creep and is sexual harassing you.
NTA – this is attempted sexual harassment…document document document and get HR to send in writing
Time start throwing out HR’s favorite words. Like, “Harrassment”, “Hostile Workplace” and “Attorney”.
Former HR lady here. You’re not overreacting at all and your HR department has dropped the ball here. Try reporting this to HR again, a different HR person if you can. Explain that you’re having your privacy violated in the designated changing area, and that your supervisor is creating a “hostile work environment.” Use that exact phrase. If they still refuse to act escalate up the chain to their manager and whoever is above your supervisor. Do this via email and backup any documents/emails to your personal account.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, I hope it gets resolved soon.