There’s a lot of background here that is relevant. My sister (26) and I (29) M do not really like our dad. We don’t really talk to his family much since the divorce outside of this one cousin or two that are really nice. Our cousin had their engagement party on Saturday.
Here’s what happened. Basically, dad (59) was cheating on our mom with an employee of his. Dad runs a company, and “Carla” (33) had been his employee for 3 or 4 years. We found out about the affair because my dad is stupid. My dad didn’t want coworkers and employees finding out. He told Carla that if she quits, he will pay her out the rest of her yearly salary in a lump sum and help her get a job with a partner company. Mom found out because the bank contacted her as a trusted contact person because they couldn’t get a hold of dad. They thought it was suspicious that there was a withdrawal or close to 80K. That’s what dad took out to give to Carla. Long story short the divorce imploded and dad moved on. Yeah, the age gap is fucking weird too. Like I could have conceivably been in high school with Carla.
This may not be relevant but his side of the family was sympathetic to my sister and I for like maybe 2 weeks. Then they just started acting like Carla was part of the family. Like aunts and uncles, grandparents, are just tagging Carla on stuff on Facebook with my dad. My 2 aunts just posted a picture with them and Carla.
At the party, me and my sister weren’t really talking with dad. Then at dinner people were telling stories about the newly engaged couple. My dad spoke about how happy everyone is to add another great woman into the family. He looked at Carla and said she’s an example of the last great woman added.
I spoke up, loudly, and said “yeah, we need more great women who sleep with their married boss, while they themselves live with a boyfriend”. The place went silent and Carla just put her head down. My dad yelled in front of everyone calling me disgusting. My sister and I said we were leaving. My cousin getting married told me he thought it was kinda funny and so did his fiancé. My dad’s 2 sisters cornered us as we left and said we owe Carla, and dad, and the wedding couple an apology. My dad’s dad said we were acting like children.
My dad texted and said we will be cut out of any inheritance if we do not call Carla and apologize. I want the money, but I also think Carla is a bitch and my dad is an asshole.
Comments
Honestly, you called it like it was. Props for not sugarcoating, even if everyone else thinks you’re “acting like children.” Some truths are worth the awkward silence.
Never respect cheaters, never give them another chance.
NTA, stay your ground!
NTA. Your dad blew up his marriage, humiliated your mom, and then paraded his affair partner around as though she’s some shining example of family. You’re not obligated to play along with that narrative just to keep the peace.
Could your delivery have been more subtle? Sure. But honestly, your dad set himself up for this by trying to present Carla as some role model when everyone knows the truth. He’s mad because you said out loud what everyone else was thinking.
As for the inheritance threat, that’s just another way for him to control you. If money is the only leverage he has left, that tells you everything you need to know about the kind of person he is.
Apologize, don’t mean it and get that money.
as long as the engaged couple is okay to what you did then youre good. goodbye to the inheritance money though, Personally I wont do that but thats a good petty revenge. you guys where hurt first the first place and did he bother to apologize? and you still have your share from your mom right?
NTA. I feel really bad. What the fuck is up with his family
You dropped a truth bomb in a room where everyone was pretending like nothing shady ever happened. Was it messy? Yep. But your dad cheated, paid off his employee, blew up your family, and now parades her around like a prize, you’re not obligated to play along. The fact they all demand you apologize says more about their denial than your outburst. If the inheritance matters, that’s a separate, cold calculation, but morally? You just said out loud what everyone already knows
lol yeah u were acting like children? What does that make his wife your big sister?
Dad bought himself a girlfriend.
The only one that is disgusting is your dad. As long as your cousin and the fiancé aren’t mad NTA
NTA. The truth hurts.
It is a matter of integrity. Can you live with yourself, would you be a friend of yours if they did what you did? Where is respect for your mom? You don’t need his money now. No guarantee money will be there later: divorce or Medicare spend down, or spent on lifestyle choices. Maybe apologize to cousin, other that you owe dad nothing. Loyalty to mom would be my highest priority.
Good on you why should they be sitting there proudly when they have nothing to be proud of. Your dad is disgusting for threatening to cut you guys off if you don’t apologise and if Carla had any decency she would tell him not to do that and that she doesn’t deserve an apology. Losing the inheritance would be hard but I’m the kind of person who will cut of her nose to spite her face. So I’d be telling my dad what he can do with his money than I’d find a bigger better way to humiliate the 2 of them and tell his family to go screw themselves sideways and stay away from me.
Guarantee that you will soon have half siblings and Carla will be a SAHM who will do her darnedest to ex y’all out of your Father’s life.
NTA. You told the truth. And he tried to make a slight jab at your mom. I would blow up too
Tell ol’ dad, “The extent of my apology is, the truth hurts, doesn’t it???”
And repeat that to his family.
I might even throw in this bomb, “Well it sure is quite telling why Dad felt his screwing around with his wh@re, I mean, his employee, was OK. Look at how fast his family has rushed to accept her and normalize their behavior. Yup, they sold their morals out and sold their souls, thinking he is going to take care of them!”
Bad people count on good people to just take their bad behavior and to not publicize it to the world. We need to do that. We need to show why it isn’t right or acceptable!
I applaud you for speaking your truth! Dad and his wh@re do not deserve to be comfortable with what they have done. They should be cut off and shunned. You keep standing up!
NTA
Forget the inheritance, she’ll get the lot anyway. He’s an ass and a cheater. He doesn’t deserve any respect.
‘What money? Gold digger will take it and leave you in poverty long before we see it.’
NTA. But do apologise to the wedded couple
Nta. “I will apologize for anything I said that was not accurate. So please let me know which fact I was mistaken about, I know our dad was married, did she actually not have a boyfriend?”
Well… Is the money worth you taking it back? Do you respect yourself more than a lying cheater and his side piece???
NTA but you need to decide what’s best for you in regards to any inheritance. He’s going to use that as leverage for everything of you back down. So, self respect or money.
I would say as long as you didn’t offend the couple who was having the engagement party then all is good. You don’t owe anyone an apology. I would say “As soon as you, Carla and the rest of the family apologize to my mom we will think about an apology.”
It seems that within this family it’s Money over Morals, OP is even considering apologizing because of his inheritance that is surely going to the mistress in the end.
NTA it is what it is!!!
Ask dad where your apology is. Tell him when he and Carla apologize to you, your mom and your sister, you’ll consider apologizing for being blunt but you’ll never apologize for telling the truth.
I would decline the invitation to the wedding and just send a nice gift to the couple. Most of the family sound awful. NTA
It needed to be said. Your father’s family are an absolute disgrace – so keen to pretend your dad isn’t a liar and a cheat and didn’t betray his wife and kids.
If you apologise because of inheritance then you lack character.
You were a wee bit daft agreeing to go mate – an engagement party was always going to stir something up and it was kinda inevitable something would happen.
Good for you! Cheaters need to be called out. It is disgraceful and disgusting behavior.
As far as the inheritance goes, I would let it go. If I truly did not like my dad or was no contact with him taking money from him would seem hypocritical. But that is just me. I have turned down inheritance money from a family member because of my hatred of them and not wanting to be connected to them in any way. But ultimately it will be your decision. Apologize and get the money or stick to your principles and go no contact.