My GF (24F) and I (22F) have a great deal from my mom to become her maintenance crew and get a discounted rent at a townhouse as our first home together. We officially live here now! It’s exciting and everything you’re supposed to want for your kid! Except her mom thinks this is the worst idea in the world and has done nothing but belittle me, imply we’re stupid, and try to scare my gf out of breaking our lease.
I’d like to clarify that we’ve been together for over a year, and this isn’t even my gf’s first time being moved out of her family’s house. In fact, she moved to a different STATE when she was 19 for college. Our house is 15 minutes from her mom.
MIL’s main issue is my cats. My girlfriend is really allergic to them, as well as quite a few things and has really reactive eczema she’s been struggling with most of her life. I got berated with questions and condescending responses one day at their house when MIL heard my plan to try to counteract the pet dander in our house. (4 air purifiers, stupidly expensive allergen reducing cat food, cats only having access to my office and the living area with hard floor we can clean, my gf being on allergy shots). This isn’t even going into the entire ‘conversation’ we had which included insulting my mother she had never met before.
MIL thinks I’m stupid (won’t say any of this to my face but screams it at my gf), none of this is going to work, and that I’m “going against everything she’s done to protect gf her whole life”.
Meanwhile MIL’s house has three dogs, floors coated in dirt since they wear shoes inside, and never replaced my gf’s mattress once while she was growing up. My gf has environmental and pet allergies, amongst others.
Granted, my cats have not moved in yet while we prep the house, but to no one’s suprise, her skin is massively improving and she doesn’t feel like she can’t breathe all the time! Even with the awful smoke outside that causes her skin to flare, her skin is actually maintaining some level of hydration. Fucking shocker.
Anyway, outside of randomly berating me, MIL has had zero interest in talking to my gf about her move or even helping to any degree. The first time she saw a glimpse of the house was when she signed our lease, where she wandered around the house, quietly complained about not being allowed to wear shoes inside, and hummed loudly behind us the entire time we were going over our contract.
When we finished signing, my mom, who was meeting her for the first time in our entire relationship, asked what she thought of the house. My mom is excited we’re moving in, and has actually HELPED us wherever she could. MIL said “it’s a really spoiled first house”.
When everyone headed out for work afterwards, GF asks MIL what she thought and all she could say was she “liked the squirrels outside”. What the fuck are you TALKING about???
When GF goes home after work, MIL suddenly starts yelling about finding out if the lease will let her break it if she’s too allergic to my cats (she has asked if GF can break the lease for over a month now before even moving in). She said I’ll choose my cats over her (yes, if it was too much I would absolutely live separately with my cats), and then has ended every conversation about the move for months with “Well, I’ll see you back here soon!”
My mom and I managed to calm her down over the phone while she was headed back, but now I don’t want her to grab anything from her house without as her mom won’t act like this in front of me. FIL doesn’t do shit about this, but I know GF really loves her dad so I don’t talk about that much.
I just want to cry for her. I’ve dealt with abusive mothers; my mom was deeply abusive to me throughout my teens and we’re now rebuilding from it. Rejection is one of the worst feelings from a parent. GF can’t even tell her mom that she feels sad leaving her family home because we know she’ll weaponize it.
I’m doing my best to be a good girlfriend to her. Being a dick to her mom won’t help. Talking too much about her mom being a dick doesn’t do much either. She needs to figure out how to set these boundaries on her own, but I wish I could just rush us past the part where we set them, she breaks them or throws a tantrum, and then she either gets better or we lower contact.
I’ve been combating MIL’s abuse for the entire year GF and I have been together. We want to get married in the next few years. I’ve made my peace at this point about how much MIL hates me, but it’s killing me to see her destroy her relationship with her daughter over shit she’s never cared about before.
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Has your gf looked at meds? My husband is allergic to cats and has to have a nasal spray and antihistamines so he could have our cats (he’s always wanted them) I take antihistamines for my eczema as I suffer really badly and they’ve helped massively xx
You’re acting selfishly and your GF is acting loopy. GF is highly allergic and has reactive eczema. She’s doing well right now with no cats in her living situation.
What are you people thinking!
MIL is watching her daughter subject herself to a health risk.