My MIL was invited to our wedding even though my husband and her are basically no contact for a year now. He invited her, told her personally he wanted her there, she RSVP’d no. Fast forward a few months, we are now 20 days away from the wedding. She asked a family member to ask my husband if she really wants him there… He responded saying he did, but we literally cannot change the guest list, as the venue won’t allow us to add anybody so late. She did not take that lightly, and he received this text shortly after saying that he looks like an abused husband, and their entire family hates me (not true obviously.) She said it’s my fault my husband sent boundaries with her.. Aka asking her to not cry and beg me to take her grandkids away… (i’m not pregnant. don’t plan to be.) Just feeling guilty per usual, even tho she’s an insane person clearly.
EDIT: I keep getting comments about “you said 6 months ago you were already married.”
yes, i was. legally we were married via courthouse in november. our wedding however, is at the end of this month.
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Ignore her. She seems to crave drama. Wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to show up. Make sure you have someone that will escort her out if that happens. She’s not on the guest list. That was her choice. Too bad, so sad.
Yep. She did this. Not you, not your SO.
I find it hard to believe not a single person could be added. But good riddance. What a martyr she is.
People will notice me more if I go or if I don’t go?
Have you heard of the “Doormat Mom?” She is estranged from her daughter, claims that she did “everything right” and tells parents of estranged kids how their kids are the bad ones. The reason this is relevant is because her story is similar to yours in the sense that she actually published a book, had it released on her daughter’s wedding day, and claimed it brought her peace.
Your MIL is intentionally making sure the day is ruined. She wanted to hurt him, so she rsvp’d no. Then she decided it wasn’t enough, and wanted to cause more turmoil. If you would’ve held a spot open for her, then she would’ve found a different way to ruin the day.
Some people are just evil. I’m sorry for you and your fiance. If she cared about him, she would’ve just let her no be no.
Never been to a wedding or planned one, but are venues that anal that they’ll notice a couple more show up?
I’m confused. In your previous post you talked about you and your husband being NC from MIL and marriage trouble. Is this a different marriage?
She has no right to cry foul when she rsvp’d no and now it’s too late to change it. This is HER fault for being so manipulative. Also, that mixed with her badmouthing you all to her whole family makes for a situation where she isn’t welcome.
She RSVP’ed no. She made her choice, she can’t change it a year later because she has regrets.
She will spin this as you two not allowing her to attend her son’s wedding, but make it clear to anyone that asks about her absence that she RSVP’ed that she would not attend.
She wanted her son to chase her and say “mother you must be there as you are so important”. This is just a farce
You were already married in your last post?
You posted 6 months ago that your MIL was “ruining your new marriage.” I’m confused.
My MIL tried to plan our wedding. She has attempted to center all of our life events around herself. I went NC after our LO turned 1. She wanted to host his birthday so she could invite her friends. We said no so she pretended she couldn’t attend. We were relieved. Then she gave in and realized we were not going to chase her. The next month we had our son baptized and she found a way to make herself center of attention. My son and I have been NC since July 2024. No regrets!
Guilt means you’ve done something wrong. Your guilt is not yours, it’s a conditioned response to disappointing others, and your MIL did it to herself.
So are you seriously saying you cannot go to your venue and tell them “hey, the GROOM’S MOTHER has had a change in circumstance and can now attend.” And you’re suggesting their response is actually going to be “nope sorry”… to the mother of the groom…
As a former event center owner I have to call BS on this. They may not be able to add person after person, but one mother of the groom they should be able to make happen…
And weddings you always over-invite people with a plan to get at least 75% of the folks invited to say yes, so there should be capacity for one person.
Or another option is can’t you have one person of her side of the family give up their seat, or get rid of someone’s plus one or a rando guest this far out from the wedding… any decent event planner would find a way if you really wanted it.
Sounds more like you don’t want her there because she’s a pain in the ass.
and maybe she does suck so badly you need any and every excuse to keep her away, but it’s a real stretch to believe that a wedding venue would not allow the mother of the groom to have a change of plans and attend. This particular excuse barely holds water for many reasons, and seems likely to just inflame things more.
I would just own it and make her eat the consequences of her decision.