It’s me again, Mean Mommy. You might remember me as the one whose MIL refused to return my daughter’s cat. That remains her most egregious act, but after a three year period of VLC I made the mistake of inviting her for some of my husband‘s current deployment.
It’s been three years. Without him around, I thought things would be a little more manageable, and I was wrong.
So far she’s full of the usual nuisance BEC stuff, making shitty remarks about house kids’ hobbies you name it. This is day 5 of her visit and I’m pretty sure we are done at this point because she came to help and the only help I really need. Is someone to watch my kids.
They are 7, 5 and 3. No high needs or special needs. They are kids and they behave like kids behave. Yesterday my five-year-old was being rude to her which I punished him for and then as I was putting my youngest to bed, she starts saying they are crazy. This is crazy. This isn’t normal because the older two weren’t running around playing. When I told her this was normal(if unacceptable) she started to raise her voice at me and I shut that down because no one‘s yelling at me in front of my children.
Today the youngest woke up at 3:30 AM because of our dog and I put him down for a nap and went to lay down with her to supervise the older children who were just watching TV quietly, and she wakes me up to fix a TV remote and says the kids need to be supervised And I tell her that they are being super supervised. She is watching them and she says she can’t watch them.
So I asked her “aren’t you here to help me?”
Apparently not.
Can she go home now? I’m tired.
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Other posts from /u/LurkyLooSeesYou2:
Mean Mommy and the Over-Attached toddler., 7 months ago
No visitors for JustNo, 1 year ago
Impending MIL visit , 1 year ago
Mean Mommy and family “bonding”, 2 years ago
^(To be notified as soon as LurkyLooSeesYou2 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe LurkyLooSeesYou2 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
Send her home.
Maybe just start helping her pack up her things so she gets the hint. Otherwise, I don’t really see another way besides just being straight up and telling her it’s better for her to go back home now lol
Send MIL home and hire a teenager as a mother’s helper a couple days a week.
Honest question: Why did you think in 3 years she’d changed?
Oh she was definitely being petty when she woke you and told you to supervise your kids while she was perfectly capable of at least watching them as they.. takes notes quietly watched tv? My god. Your unruly children! /S lol wtf they sound easy as to look after.
Sorry she’s shit. You’d think she’d want to interact with her grandkids and maybe help out a little to give you a break. But yeh, no more of her visits and no more grandma.
I have no words. Encourage her to go home. The raising her voice at your is unacceptable and you’re obviously not getting the help you need.
Can she go home now? Yes, but I think you need to use your words to make this happen.
Something like “MiL – I thought after all this time you would want to, actually want to spend time with your grandchildren. I haven’t seen any indication during your stay so far that you want to do this. I also thought you might actually help me as your son is on deployment but again, every indication has been to the contrary. So I’m going to have to cut this stay short. If you flew in to visit, you will have to stay elsewhere until the date of your flight or I can contact your airline and see if they can get you on an earlier flight? Those are the only options at this point so what is it going to be?” should cover it.
You will have to let your husband know that after 5 days of little to no help or her being involved with the kids you had to draw a line under the visit and send her home (so that she doesn’t get to twist the narrative here). You are done where she is concerned and the kids didn’t enjoy their time with her either. That’s it. You tried and it just doesn’t work.
Best of luck to you however you manage to get her to go home.
You are not being disrespectful [the buzz word of MiLs whenever they don’t get their own way] if you simply tell her the visit isn’t working out and it’s making you both overly stressed which in turn is affecting the children. [It does soind as if their behaviour is escalating because she is there]
‘Maybe we can schedule another time when DH is there to entertain you, but Mil, it’s time you went home.’
How long is she staying. Hope it’s not much longer for your health
Tell her she needs to pack up and go home today. And Dear Lord don’t invite her back again
I always took deployments as a time to get a break from my in-laws. No hubby, no in-laws. Send her back before you have a fourth child to care for.
There was a reason you went no contact!!
What I really want to know is did you get the cat back? If she’s not able to supervise the children, which is the help you need and ask for, then she’s just in the way and can go home.
Ugh. I feel your pain.
Had my ILs come ONCE to help with kids while hubby was out of town. They were as helpful as 2 more toddlers.
Came back from the dentist to 18-month-old sitting on a barstool eating something non-toddler-friendly. Unattended.
Never again.
You got the cat back yeah?
Send her home, and never invite her again. Ever.