I (34f) have had chronic UTI’s the entirety of my relationship w my boyfriend (31m). It’s put me in the hospital twice for kidney infections since we started seeing each other a little over a year ago.
Recently it seems like every single time we have penetrative sex, it hurts to pee for multiple days after – I do everything right, pee right after, even take a shower and clean everything and nothing is helping.
I feel like my body is broken, it’s not fair to him to sacrifice only having handjobs for the rest of his life, but I just can’t deal with having UTI symptoms every single time we do the deed. It’s not like I don’t want to have sex; the want is there – I love him, the sex is good. It’s just the aftermath that is brutal.
So my question to you, if you also deal with chronic UTI’s, how do you keep from feeling like your body is broken?
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Has he been checked as well? Cos a lot of these things are women whose boyfriends keep giving it to them because they don’t also take the antibiotics. Also doesn’t sound chronic. It was literally since you started dating him. Sounds pretty cut and dry unfortunately. Unless he is your first sexual partner? There is probably nothing wrong with you. Get him checked.
There are a few possibilities to explore, and it will probably require a doctor’s visit with your boyfriend and an awkward conversation there with significant detail about your and his hygiene practices, past sexual health, and current sexual practices.
A decent starting point: are you on prophylactic antibiotics? Are you two using condoms? Is your boyfriend circumcised?
sounds like it is HIS body giving you all the problems. does he shower?
That was me last year, I literally thought it would break me. It was my second urologist that helped me break the cycle and now I’m UTI free and only take probiotics/cran juice/vit C tablets daily. Please seek help from a trained doc! You will get through this!
Your body is not broken, its trying to protect you. You are fighting off an infection that you keep getting that you shouldn’t have. Ive been there. Its exhausting and painful.
You can read uti remedies on the internet for the rest of your life but I would argue going completely abstinence until you fully recover is what might be needed. You need to figure out what is causing them, not how to get over the pain.
Hang in there. ❤️
Feel free to pm me if u wanna talk all things uti. I can give more personal suggestions, though I bet you are probably doing most of them already.
The supplement D-mannose has helped to prevent recurrent UTIs for me. It’s worth a shot!
If this is something that only happens with this current guy then he’s the problem, not you.
Trigger warning: sexual abuse.
My girlfriend was sex trafficked decades ago long before I met her. Here’s her requirements for sex that she learned the hard way: Both of us shower beforehand with soap on all outside areas of swimsuit areas. No soap on inside parts. Yes, me, too. And yes, my butt, too. Finish with soapy hands for sure. Short fingernails for me. No whites on my nails at all. Brush teeth and Listerine gargle beforehand. And all of this isn’t an hour beforehand, it’s just beforehand.
During sex, my fingers can’t go inside her. Outside is fine. My mouth is all over her vulva, but no tongue inside her. Condoms for anything involving my penis. My penis basically does not ever touch her directly.
Afterwards, shower again and pee (both of us). Mouth Listerine again. Then snuggles and an obscure old foreign movie (I’m working on modernizing her movie choices, but it’s meeting resistance).
I’m told that this reduces UTIs significantly.
Have you had this problem before this partner?
What do the urine cultures say?
If the urine cultures are showing bacteria, go on a 30 day antibiotic cycle with a antibiotic that works against that bacteria (have your dr confirm it beforehand), as well as your partner (they can do a shorter cycle – more on that in a second)
If the urine cultures are negative, consider a PCR test which are much more accurate. Make sure mgen and ureoplasma are included in the test. Then treat it, but be aware, these are difficult to cure.
Meanwhile, go on a low sugar and carb diet. Take probiotics. Use d-mannose and cranberry pills and always pee after sex. Check your vaginal biome (using self ordered PCR tests). If the biome and ph aren’t where they should be, take vaginal probiotics.
To my point earlier, if this is new with this partner, then quite honestly, he might be the problem. Recent studies are showing what most women already knew – chronic UTI’s are often caused by the biome of the partner, and modern medicine hasn’t caught up yet. How’s his hygiene? Does he wash beforehand? Do you use condoms?
If it’s not new, then try all of the above. If it still doesn’t help, consider pelvic floor dysfunction and interstitial cystitis. But leave those as a last resort – drs tend to push these diagnoses on patients with chronic UTI symptoms without doing due diligence to rule out infections, biome issues or partner problems first.
Your boyfriend is giving you UTI’s. Tell him to wash his penis and balls better. He has his own hand to jerk off if he wants. You’re not there to be a sex toy for him. Also, since he’s making you sick he should be forking over the money to pay for the medical bills, since you’re paying with your, health, well-being, and body and your mental well-being. You said it started since you started seeing him. If he cares about you at all he would not have sex with you since it hurts you and he would go to the doctor to get himself checked out. I don’t get how a man can enjoy sex when he knows he’s hurting the woman,that is sadistic and abuse.
Please tell him to FULLY clean himself up thoroughly down there and to go to the doctor to get checked out since he’s putting your health at risk. You should NOT have to teach a grown man how to properly wash his gentiles. He also NEEDS to wash his hands if he’s fingering you or rubbing on your clitoris. You are being responsible and he isn’t.
I almost died of kidney disease from severe UTI’s caused by an ex. I had to pay thousands in medical bills because of him. And it was all for nothing because we ended up not being together, thank God! My husband has never made me sick because he cleans himself properly and he cares about my health. Your boyfriend should do the same. You might have to leave him if he doesn’t get his act together.
He needs to be treated. Men are often asymptomatic carriers of all sorts of things that can cause UTIs and yeast. If he doesn’t get treated there is no point treating yourself – he will just endlessly reinfect you.
He is giving it to you hun.
Look into the chronic UTI community – I have had chronic utis since I was a child well before I was sexually active. Some people may be right in saying his cleanliness may be the issue but you need to talk to your doctor about a potential embedded infection, it’s worth doing some research yourself beforehand
You’ve been to a urologist right? Or perhaps a urogynecologist? But since this is only recent. It’s him. He needs to be cleaner and deal with whatever bacteria he is giving you. It’s been proven this happens.
You both need to be going to doctors to figure this out.
My partner went through similar issues about a decade ago. Years of testing and different treatments, supplements, creams, and on and on.
In the end, it turned out she developed an allergy to Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, which is in damned near every soap and body lotion. Once she eliminated SLS all of the issues disappeared
It was confirmed not too long ago that UTIs can actually be considered and STI. Your boyfriend is the one giving it to you. He needs to get tested and wash himself properly down there.
Your body isn’t broken- your boyfriend is dirty. He is giving you infections and needs to 1) step up his hygiene and 2) see a doctor. Stop having penetrative sex with him until he does. You are only hurting yourself.
2 things from experience: I had chronic utis in university. Eventually it got to the point where I said we had to take a sex break. I still got them. It turned out he was raping me in my sleep and had been for months. So there’s that.
Also seeing a pelvic floor therapist helped a lot with uti symptoms in later life. The body keeps score, and can hold tension in that area further contributing to utis.
His peepee is dirty.
How’s your man’s hygiene. It’s not you, it’s him.
Having my bf take a course of antibiotics too helped. Also- cutting out alcohol and added/processed sugar weirdly enough. I didn’t believe in the whole natural remedy suggestions as I am a lab manager but I was willing to try anything once the drugs started to fail.
Prob only get one every couple years now but it was like one every month or two for 4 years prior to the lifestyle change. Started to become antibiotic resistant and the drugs would give me BV and yeast infections which also became drug resistant. Sometimes I would have all 3 at the same time and that was a special kind of hell.
I also switched to cotton only underwear, Huha to be exact. Polyester thongs are cute and all but it can be bacterial floss.
D-Mannose. Take it after you have sex. Prevents UTIs. Can also treat them if you have it, but it will take big doses throughout the day for several days. It’s an indigestible sugar. Use it as prevention. Works 100%, all natural. It’s the compound that’s in cranberries except you’d have to consume A LOT of cranberries to get enough of it to make a difference.
The times and ways in which we women suffer from dirty males will never cease to anger me…
He needs to be checked. Turns out my husband had balanitis and had to get circumcised to fix it (there are ways to get this cleared before circumcision is the answer). We were basically just passing bugs back and forth.
On top of that, the doc also have given me an antibiotic that I have to take every time we have penetrative sex. And I’ve been UTI free for about 2 years now.
honestly? I’d probably take this as a sign to break up with him. I mean it’s pretty clear he’s giving you UTI’s, yes? Is he not very hygienic? Can he go on antibiotics for a spell and get checked himself?
Your man’s party area is not clean enough for partying. 🥳
Might be him, might be something else. I had chronic UTIs from a few partners for years, used classic antibiotics like macrobid, and a different man would trigger this too. Eventually I got a more detailed lab test on both urine and intravaginal swab, had a huge ureaplasma result. I took doxycycline for two weeks and I have yet to have symptoms since!
If you haven’t already, try to get a more thorough urine test and a vaginal swab, and I agree ask your boy to wash before sex!
It sounds like your whole body is actually rejecting this man with everything it’s got. It’s not broken it’s trying to escape. If he’s not washing up properly before everytime knowing what you’ve been through well that’s an assault to your health. And if he hasn’t been to a Dr yet that’s another strike. Your body is just trying to filter out poison dick. There’s scientific studies on men causing UTIs. You should not have sex with him it can possibly kill you.
He’s got a dirty dick.
I broke up with the guy who kept giving me UTIs. We were physically incompatible and having sex with him was injuring my body. I couldn’t stay with him.
I broke up with him and haven’t had a UTI since.
I was with an extremely toxic and abusive person; while I was with him, I would get UTIs every time we had sex. He would also blame me and say that it must be my fault. Crazily enough, when I stopped seeing him, I’ve never had consistent UTIs with any partner since. 🤷♀️ It’s likely your man who needs to get checked out so that you don’t keep getting infected.
Take D mannose supplement to prevent and make sure he’s clean. I had an ex who confessed he’d stay sat on the toilet when he flushed!!! As he said the toilet water splashing on him felt refreshing! And another ex that told me the tip of his genitals would touch the inside front rim of the toilet bow, and that’s why he wouldn’t use public bathrooms (thankfully) but how clean was his own toilet!?
Or it could be he’s using talc (which can increase risk of cancer in women) or some other irritating product down there. Either way don’t feel guilty. This probably isn’t a you problem.
If you’re broken I’m also broken.
Also to everyone saying its your boyfriend, it may not be! Mine is very clean, showers before sex all the time and I still get them! Some of us are just prone to it.
I take profilactic Macrobid (or whatever the generic is) macrobid is unique as it’s stays in the urine and won’t build up an antibiotic resistance in your body (per my OBGYN and I’ve seen multiple since I was put on it). I haven’t had any issues since I started doing this. I will say we’re a 2-3 times/week couple so its not like I’m always taking it.
There is also a preventative called Hyprex, which I’ve heard good things about, but never took myself. Some people also need pelvic floor therapy, or have interstitial cysitis.
I’d start with your doctor and have a good convo with your boyfriend about hygiene. See a urologist if you have to.
See a doctor. I’m 1.5 years UTI free after introducing a post-intercourse low dose antibiotic.
Why are you still having sex with him if hes giving you uti’s all the time? Its totally fair to him, hes causing your uti’s. He needs to go to a doctor and figure out what he is doing wrong, is he cleaning effectively? Or does he just let soap run down and not directly cleaning everything?
I hate that you would think your body is broken when it’s clearly HIM.
Your body isn’t broken, your nasty boyfriend is repeatedly infecting you with his germs
I agree with most responses that your boyfriend might be giving the UTIs to you. Does he shower well before having sex? Personal hygiene can also cause this. On a different note, if this has happened all your life (you didn’t specify one way or the other) there could be something to your anatomy. I started getting UTIs at a really young age(10) and I had them often all the way till my early 20s when my gyno suggested an in house procedure where she would open the hole a little more. The thought was that maybe a little urine was staying inside me and causing the UTIs to reoccur. That was about 20 years ago and I don’t think I’ve had one since having that procedure. Wasn’t really painful, I think I had a local anesthetic and walked out of the office afterwards. If all the UTIs have only happened with this partner it’s highly likely he’s the reason.
It could or could not be him. I have been getting UTI and yeast this year and I have been married for years. Use a condom when you have sex. Don not let him touch you down there if he hasn’t washed his hands and fingernails cut. Test for ureaplasma and mycoplasma. Have your dr do a full PCR panel. Mine were all negative (it includes Strep B, E. coli, HSV) and so I have moved onto pelvic floor therapy. I think after my first infection ruin this year I just started to gaurd and fear peeing so I am retaining urine, causing another infection. Another thing you could consider after ruling out those infections is estrogen cream. I am going to talk to my gyn about it next week.
Try using D Mannose powder. I put three scoops in my big water jug and drink it down the day before and for a day or two after sex if I feel like I may be more vulnerable to infection than usual (time of month, diabetes management, general water intake, diet, exercise, etc) Have unscented baby wipes on hand for yourself and for him before sex. Include it as foreplay if you like. Make sure toys are clean too.
I’ve probably had a dozen or so UTIs in my life, but I haven’t had one in about a year now. I’m managing my diabetes better and keeping up with my D Mannose routine.
I had the same problem. I noticed later on whenever I did a healthier diet (no refined carbs, no sugar, no alcohol) that I no longer got the UTI after sex. I actually did this the whole time we were trying for a baby the first time.
After I went through a pregnancy and labor and a c-section I no longer have the UTI issues anymore.
I believe this has happened to other women in my family too. Ehler’s Danlos runs in my family and I think UTI’s can be an issue for EDS if I recall correctly.
Thorough washing for both of us did not help, but we still did/do it! I’m sure labs on him to check for bacteria would help though!
Edit: A few doctors ago I would always get prescribed Ciprofloxacin for the UTI. It was so bad for my tendons and joints, I would get these crazy injuries that were so slow to heal for months after taking it. If you do have EDS, beware fluoroquinolones!
I went through the same thing with my ex. I had one or two UTIs before him and I knew I had failed to pee after sex. But after I was with him, I did everything right and it kept happening. Eventually I just got a prescription for one antibiotic after sex to prevent it. It worked, I only got another UTI if I didn’t use the antibiotic.
However, I shouldn’t have had to do this. It was only after we broke up that I started questioning what was going on. The more UTIs you have, the more you are likely to get. But every single time after sex? That’s not normal. He was pretty clean but he used lotion on his penis, maybe that screwed with my system. The major thing that I’m blaming it on now is the cheating. He had multiple long term relationships with other girls for the entire 7 years. So we were all passing shit back & forth. I did end up with HPV but shockingly never got anything else.
I am not suggesting that he’s definitely cheating on you. But it does seem like it’s his fault, since this isn’t something you have dealt with concerning other men.
Among the folks recommending your partner thoroughly clean up prior to sex, I would also recommend trying D-mannose supplementation. I had recurrent UTIs to the point where my doctor was recommending a low dose of antibiotics long term. I tried D-mannose and the UTIs stopped recurring. I took it consistently for a few months and now I just take it after sex and I have been UTI-free since. There is some evidence for its effect as well, don’t take my word.
He’s likely the cause if you’ve put all this work in and still getting infections.
Get him checked for a UTI, sometimes they are unsymptomatic
Get him to take a shower and wash his entire butt, crotch, penis and scrotum right before sex. makes a huge difference!
At the minimum if the urge is too strong to wait or join a shower, at least get him to wash his dick and balls in the sink (get a stool if your sink is too high).
If the above isn’t feasible, at least get him to throughly clean his penis, balls and crotch with baby wipes. Then use a condom with a quality water based unfragranced lube
I used to get chronic UTIs. My partner started doing the above and I haven’t had one in 12 years! Before it was nearly every time we had sex. If he doesn’t respect you enough to wash after seeing you suffer for sex, he isn’t it. You deserve a partner who happily makes sure you don’t suffer
He needs to get a full health check up and std panel done. They’ve recently discovered men are usually the culprits for why women get bv & utis. I wish I could remember what it’s called that they found that men have but it’s definitely a big possibility he has a bacteria that he keeps passing to you. Also need to have a serious discussion on his hygiene if his panels come back clean.
While I do agree with everyone else that this sounds like your partner is causing this, I wanted to give my 2 cents. I had a bought of chronic utis about 10 years ago. I had about 1 month for like 3 years, through 2 partners. Finally went to a urologist, and it turned out I had a weird strain of bacteria that bactrim wasn’t fully effective on so it would come back. They put me on a course of a different antibiotic and then was on a low dose of it for a month. That knocked it out
I used to have the same problem. My husband started washing up before sex with dove sensitive skin soap, and that helped cut it down. I was also on low dose antibiotics to take after for a while, too. Hang in there, it will get better!
Your man is dirty enough to hospitalize you TWICE in a year? 🤢🤢🤢
He needs to be treated. It has only recently been recognized by doctors that men can give you utis and it’s chronic because he keeps reinfecting you.
Had this issue years ago and tried everything, eventually started d-mannose supplements and they saved me. Take them preventatively, good luck!
DOCTOR NOW.
For him mostly.
So, I have dealt with chronic UTI’s on and off for 15 years with different underlying causes. While it’s easy to write off as hygiene there may be other issues at play. (Edited to add, I feel like hygiene before sex is as important if not more than hygiene after sex — thoroughly wash hands and under fingernails, both of your genitals including under his foreskin, and consider staying hydrated enough to urinate before AND after sex. Also, you may want to consider how different positions/ acts put pressure on the bladder or urethra. Positions that are less angled toward the bladder or involve lying on your back with your pelvis elevated might be better.) I am not a medical professional, but I have struggled with these issues for years both when I have a partner and when I do not. I know some of those descriptions are excessively detailed, but I feel like more information is better than less.
First, I noticed I had more UTI’s after I used wipes with a specific preservative (phenoxyethanol). I knew I was sensitive to scents and always made sure I had unscented wipes. However, once my face started breaking out even with unscented, sensitive skin soaps and lotions I figured there must be something in sensitive skin products I was still reacting to. Pinned down the product in my face products, wondered if it also applied to wipes and once I got wipes without that ingredient the number of UTI’s I got dramatically reduced. I was getting UTI’s quite often around my period (when I use wipes more). I also experimented with different types of period products and found I did better with pH balanced tampons or silicone period cups.
I did not have a partner at this time, but when I later did it was important that any lube I used (both what comes in a tube and what may be on pre-lubed condoms) did not have this ingredient. Also, I have a latex allergy and latex condoms are some special kind of hell that created horrible issues (tears, burning, bleeding rashes) the one or two times I have accidentally used them. If you are using protection I’d try experimenting to see if other condom/ lube brands help you. Skyn was most comfortable/ least irritating for me.
Second, I chronically had tonsillitis and sinusitis for six years and got my tonsils out. After I got my tonsils out the problem of my constant sore throats was solved, but I started having other chronic infections (sinusitis, bronchitis, UTI’s) until one ENT suggested cutting out gluten. I did and went from multiple infections in a month for years to getting sick 2-3 times total over the next 5-6 years. A decade later I was diagnosed with specific antibody disorder which had triggered MCAS (mast cell activation syndrome) and this made my immune reaction to gluten and subsequent infections make sense. This is not a very common condition, so this is unlikely to be your issue, but I include it because it really would have been nice to figure out the immune diagnosis and MCAS earlier in my health journey.
My mast cells are now overactive in my bladder in a condition called interstitial cystitis (IC), also known as painful bladder syndrome. This has been a real twist because it’s tricky to tell the difference between IC and UTI without a urinalysis to test for bacteria. IC can mimic a UTI because it shares symptoms like bladder pain, pressure, frequency, and urgency. The key difference is that IC is a chronic inflammatory condition, not an infection, so a urine test will not show bacteria. It does not resolve with antibiotics and can be managed with antihistamines and mast cell stabilizers. For me, if a Benadryl helps relieve symptoms I know I’m probably dealing with IC vs a UTI although both conditions can occur at the same time. Again, this is a rare condition, but I really wish someone had told me to at least ask my GP about it sooner. If you have not seen one an infectious disease specialist or urogynecologist may be helpful in finding more effective treatment options for you (special antibiotic regimes, tests for other conditions, etc.).
I hope you can find a solution!
Idk what it’s like for you. Ik the comments are saying maybe it’s the guy (totally plausible and wouldn’t put it past men), but I feel like I was an exception.
I got UTIs from the very first time I ever had PIV. I got UTIs with different partners, different settings, I literally felt like my body was breaking down.
I made sure to drink water before and after sex, clean before and after, pee, blah blah the whole nine yards. I even made them clean up beforehand too, but I would get UTIs. Maybe the bed was gross IDK. I also hear my labia anatomy also makes me prone to UTIs, who knows.
One day, I went into planned parenthood for the bajillionth time, and I was just really dejected. “Yeah I know, pee a little, wipe, then pee in the cup… I’ve done this before.”
The woman who looked after me caught on that I was super prone to UTIs and prescribed me this giant bottle of antibiotics, like there was at least 100 of those guys in there. I think they were a small dose. She recommended that pop one after every time I have sexual intercourse, and that I would be safe from UTIs for 24 hours thereafter. I’ve never felt so free. I literally don’t even remember the last time I even stressed about a UTI. And of course, it’s been well over a year of frequent, crazy sex with my boyfriend and it’s been amazing. Maybe ask about it the next time you visit a clinic for a UTI?
Your boyfriend has to be treated along with you.
There’s new STIs out there that cause this that are not on the panels that cause UTIs. I recommend asking your doctor for those tests as I am sure they know. If I can remember what they were from the women’s group I am in, I will come back and comment what this woman found when she was having the same issue as you.
Imma be honest it sounds like hes not the one and your body is telling you so
Make an appointment with your PCP or GYN provider when you don’t have an infection to discuss the situation. Be an advocate for yourself. Be insistent that you need a solution.
This is not likely to be your partner doing or not doing anything. It’s just our anatomy, and sex is a common trigger.
There are several interventions that can help.
You are not alone, and this will get better! Hang in there, and get help from a licensed practitioner.
Just an fyi for other folks; I know someone who is allergic to toilet paper. Switched to bamboo paper and it went away.
I never figured it out. I not longer get chronic UTIs but I still feel broken. I feel like if I change or skip any of my habits or rituals they’ll come back. I can’t just go places and do things because what if there’s not enough water or drink or the bathrooms aren’t clean enough and on and on. The acute problem is resolved for me (for now, at least) but the root issue of how I feel about myself is still very much alive and well.
Edit to add: one of the things that stopped my UTIs was my partner wearing condoms every time. If your partner is not willing to give that a try, he is 10000% not worth ever sleeping with again.
I had the same thing with one of my major exes, also ended up in hospital many many times for kidney infections. I swear it was him because since I left him I have had maybe 5 in 12 years.
See if he can get a course of antibiotics as well.
I take a daily d mannose supplement and it’s gone away entirely. I had one every few months for years.
Is he clean and using mild soap? A lot of people are blaming him. It could be him for sure, but before breaking up just make sure.
I say that because I’m around your age and the same thing is happening to me. My boyfriend has started showering beforehand, but it hasn’t always fixed the problem.
I also feel broken. There’s a lot else wrong with me too , and my doctors are really not intent on figuring it out.
Honey. A couple things.
He can live with non penetrative sex. You are not his sex toy.
He needs to get checked for asymptomatic infections.
He needs to wash himself better. If you’re doing everything right and you only get UTIs from penetrative sex, then his dick and balls are unclean.
It is entirely possible for both partners to have a healthy, fulfilling sex life without ever needing to penetrate.
I got into a gyno and during my Endo clean out surgery it was discovered my bladder was prolapsed.
They repaired it.
Voila – it’s been 5 years and I’ve had one infection.
Yo dude, it’s the guy. I used to have this issue with my ex because he was dirty AF. Ex is gone, no more UTIs.
among what everyone else is saying, vag probiotics helped me a lot. i use Bioma currently and have used Love Wellness before both works great
So if getting your boyfriend’s contributions addressed doesn’t resolve the issue, my urologist put me on lactobacillus probiotics and cystex prebiotics and it has helped. The cystex has cranberry extract and d-mannose. These have reduced my UTI incidence significantly. Obviously if the infection gets established you still need medical attention
This might or might not be applicable to you – I just want to let you know it could also be pelvic floor issues. I get chronic utis, but I found sometimes I’d have symptoms of a uti, and then test negative for an infection. I’d usually get prescribed antibiotics anyway. After 15 years, I found out I have an overactive pelvic floor which has been causing urinary symptoms, and have been working with a PT since then. I still get real infections occasionally but it’s not every time I have penetrative sex. Just wanted to share for you and others, because I truly had no idea and suffered for so long.
I can relate. I had reoccurring UTIs. Went to a Uro-Gyno got checked for bacterial biofilm and was treated with 6 months of low dose antibiotic. Cleared it right up. Be proactive and have him get checked while you’re at it.
This could be a lot more serious than you think it is, and could cause you serious harm.
You should discuss prophylactic antibiotics with your doctor. It’s not uncommon to get something like cephalexin prescribed to take daily. Obviously, you have relationship issues but taking precaution in the meanwhile could prevent future renal issues. Repeat UTIs can cause irreparable damage or even cause an acute kidney injury leading to renal failure.
It might be your partner, or it may not.
I had chronic UTIs and kidney infections, and it was caused by my uterus. It was full of fibroids and pressing on my bladder/ureters and causing them. Had to have a hysterectomy (I’m old, so I was ok with it) and have had exactly ONE UTI since, and it’s been over 8 years.
You’re not broken.
My tip is to get a bidet and both you and your partner should use the bidet.
Your body is not broken. Have both of you been STI tested lately? Some have the same symptoms of a UTI.
Also, I know this sounds “woo woo”-y but your body might be trying to tell you something. I had constant BV infections with a guy I was seeing once, he was very clean/hygienic, and as soon as we stopped seeing each other the BV stopped.
Is your bf cleaning himself appropriately? He should be washing right before, not just you. If the UTIs started with him and only appear after sex, that points to him. He might have a UTI himself, so he might need to get the treatment as well. Many men don’t get symptoms but can pass you the infection. Also, using condoms and dental dams will help you, if you aren’t already using those.
D manose and post sex antibiotics gave me my life back..have a chat to your gp
I do agree with the comments that your boyfriend should also get checked out to ensure he’s not unknowingly causing the issue. But also wanted to copy and paste my experience/comment from a similar post I cam across a fee years ago:
I had this problem for a long time as well; even after I peed during sex. I also used to have to thoroughly clean the bathtub with bleach and rinse well if I wanted to take a bath without getting a UTI. My mother also suffered from something similar as a child (she also required medical intervention for the issue)
My PCM at the time eventually referred me to a Urologist who found out I had bladder retention caused by urethral stenosis (which is usually more common in men then women). I had urethral dilation surgery and haven’t had much issue since (:
I still have to pee after sex but I can take relaxing baths now without having to go through at least an hour of prep, and there’s a chance I might need to surgery again, but thus far it’s been such a change and relief! (Added: this was like, 14 years ago now – still peeing comfortably strong!)
Just wanted to include my experience in case it’s helpful to anyone else suffering from chronic UTIs as well.
Hey – I had a boyfriend who I had many UTIs with – at some points it was near constant.
It magically disappeared when we broke up.
I was with the man for nearly 6 years and I thought there was something wrong with me – but now 17 years later I’ve had a handful of UTIs since (and they have all be really mild in comparison).
It was him!
Just dump him.
Look, your bf is dirty. He needs to wash his hands, and his junk, and frankly probably his entire body before he touches you. And might need some antibiotics himself. He’s literally the common factor every time you get a UTI.
I had severe uti after uti after years infection. I no longer am with that man after 10 years. It’s been 5 months since we have been together and almost 5 months since I had a uti. I thought it was me. It was not me. It is not you. It is not you.
When you say shower, is that before or after the deed?
Because showering or baby wiping the asshole is the only way I’ve minimized my UTIs. And I speak from experience as someone who used to get them every time. I don’t mean just showering, I mean soaping your asshole and inserting a finger up there JUST to remove any bacteria. It might seem clean before but.. it’s not fully unless we soap that shit.
Yes his cleanliness is important but around 90%~ (or so) of UTIs is caused by eco Li. And your ass is a lot closer to your bladder than his.
If this doesn’t work, I would see a urologist. I’ve heard that them stuffing a tube up your urethra can help minimize infection’s just cause it stretches the urethra.
Anyways, D mannose is a life saver. Take with a grain of salt but I’ve skipped on antibiotics many a UTIs. Some girls I know take it everyday.
I’ve been where you are and there is light at the tunnel. I know what it feels like. You aren’t alone and you will find a way to enjoy sex again. 💗
If you’re using condoms, please double check what’s in them. I started dating someone and considered ending the relationship because as hygienic as he was, I was getting chronic UTIs. After months of us trying to figure it out I randomly grabbed one of our condoms and inspected it. It was SCENTED! I couldn’t tell until I stuck it right up to my nose. It was Skyn brand, those MFers ruined my life for months.
We threw the box out and everything cleared right up.
Babe, if you’re getting a UTI literally every time you sleep with your boyfriend he needs to learn how to wash his dick.
Some people are prone to chronic UTIs. But the fact it’s every time with him??? This is a HIM PROBLEM!!! He needs to clean himself way better in general and especially before sex. Also, ask your doctor about Hiprex/methenamine hippurate, it’s a urinary antiseptic that can help prevent frequent UTIs. And order some D mannose and take it after sex, pee after, and wash yourself before and after. Both of you need to wash your genitals with something gentle and non scented right before sex. Chronic UTIs are very serious – you can become resistant to antibiotics which can be very dangerous. You can also develop pelvic floor problems and neuropathic pain from being in that kind of pain so often. Please throw the man away if he’s not taking your health seriously!!!
your boyfriend is probably the problem
Like everyone else is saying it’s very possible that he’s the problem. Does he shower on a regular basis with soap? Does he wash his hands? It might be worth implementing a shower before sex policy to see if it improves things if you’re still willing to risk having sex with him. If he cares about you, you should be able to tell him your issue and he should want to go to the doctor and make sure he’s not spreading something to you. If he can’t be bothered to do that, he’s not a good boyfriend.
If he just has really bad hygiene, do you want to feel like his mother by having to ask him to shower or use soap? My ex decided he could go roughly 10 days to 2 weeks without showering and just using baby wipes. That was my breaking point that made me leave the relationship.
It’s him. Make sure he tastes a shower and washes his hands before he touches you. Every single time
Definitely recommend seeing a urologist. I did this after having chronic UTIs, and they gave me a small dose antibiotic to take after sex. I took it for about a year, and then I didn’t need it anymore. They can help you figure it out because it also may be one single UTI that hasn’t fully gone away
He cheating on you or already has a wife/gf
Chronic utis only get better if your partner is treated at the same time as you. He has a UTI but no symptoms. Go to the gyno with him they’ll say the same thing.
Once I broke up with my dirty loser cheater boyfriend, my vagina has never been better lol
i had this exact same issue with a man i was with for 7 years and i always thought i was the problem. even my (male) doctor began insisting i should look into surgery to “fix” my urethra, and made preventative suggestions that were all based around what i could change or do differently in my lifestyle.
since i broke up with that man around 5, i have yet to get another uti. it’s him. tell him to start washing his balls properly
Have the doctors swabbed/ treated him?
But also yeah I’ve been dealing with a lot of UTIs this year and I’m so fucking tired.
Nothing makes me feel closer to death than a bladder infection.
Have they checked for bladder prolapse?
Scar tissue harbouring bacteria in the walls?
Infections are a big fucking deal. If he gave a shit about you, he wouldn’t keep fucking you and putting you in the hospital. If you keep having sex with him just because you think you have to, you should stop and realize your health is more important than having sex. If he breaks up with you because you aren’t fucking him, he was never worth your time.
Take care, dude. You’re not broken.
He needs to get tested and treated too
> I (34f) have had chronic UTI’s the entirety of my relationship w my boyfriend (31m).
Well that sounds like a boyfriend problem then huh
UTI are often silent in men, so there’s every chance that he’s giving you the same UTI over and over again because he’s asymptomatic.
If he isn’t being treated also, then he’s just passing out right back to you.
D-mannose
Sounds like your guy needs to work on his hygiene…
What not fair to him?? You are destroying your health by being with him and all you worry about is pleasing him? Dammed, it’s 2025.
girl all im saying is that in my last relationship i got 3 UTIs in 18 months, and every time it was right after i went to visit him (long distance, i visited every 6mos) we broke up and then boom– haven’t had a UTI since, even as a chronically dehydrated girl
I just wanted to add, if you’ve had this problem before, because you didn’t specify, and it’s none of the other issues, maybe your urethra is too tight. A friend of mine had horrific problems with that, and it took years for her to find a doctor who diagnosed and operated it. She has no problems since. But hope it just goes away by treating your bf!
I actually take a preventative medication for UTIs after intercourse, it helped 110%. Before I also started to get a UTI after every time.
He needs to work on his hygiene. Make sure he’s totally clean before you do the do. I’ve asked my partner to shower with me, and we take turns scrubbing each other. I get clean, he gets squeaky clean, we have fun in the shower, then we have fun in the bedroom.
If it’s still a problem, you can get preventative medications from your doctor. If it’s still a problem, get your thyroid checked.
The way that you should deal with a chronic UTI is to discontinue sex and get your boyfriend to be tested ASAP because he is carrying the bacteria and he doesn’t know it because he doesn’t have symptoms, and when you get your UTI cleared up, he just re-infects you because he needs a round of antibiotics too, until then he will give you UTIs.
Then you need to sit him down and have a long conversation about hygiene – fingers, or anything else he puts in there must be clean. Freshly washed. If simply handling you with care is a problem for him – it’s time for a new boyfriend. It shouldn’t be a big deal to take extra steps to protect your health at all times.
Your health is paramount. Take control.
Stop having sex with your boyfriend. He’s giving you the UTI’s.
I’m sorry you’re suffering like this – are you aware that Chronic UTI is a long-term condition in itself that has recently become recognised by the medical community as needing long-term consistent antibiotic treatment to resolve? It sounds like maybe you are not getting several consecutive, separate UTIs but might have one deeply embedded infection that is repeatedly flaring up and never truly going away. This is a new area of medicine, and the condition is not recognised in every country, and not every doctor is well versed in it – I only know all of this because a close friend has been struggling with it. It sounds like it would be worth you researching this and speaking to a doctor about it. Here’s a website with more info: https://cutic.co.uk/what-is-chronic-uti/
Has your bf been to the doctor for full sti testing?
Herpes can also feel like uti if your breakout is in there…
Also, Immune compromised folks like myself having issues fighting off infections can also mean the start of T2 diabetes needing controlled better.
I have had female friends that experienced this issue when their “clean” partner insisted they were fine.
Sadly, not mentioned in the comments I saw, have you considered that he may be sleeping with others?
My BFF went through years of this stuff when her doctor leveled with her that it was the most likely culprit.
Apparently, if you don’t jive with the bacteria of the third person, this can happen.
Trust but verify.
girl what. 😑 the mental gymnastics you’re doing here to not blame your boyfriend for the UTIs he’s clearly giving you is concerning. HE IS DIRTY. He either needs to be more hygienic, and/or he needs to go to a doctor to get treated for whatever bacteria he’s harboring and keeps reinfecting you with.
Why the fuck are you ignoring the common denominator here????
your boyfriend is giving you the UTIs!
Please stop to consider that maybe he’s the one that’s ‘broken’.
Is he the first/only person you’ve had sex with? If you’ve been with other people before him with no issues, then HE is the problem, not you.
I’ve literally had a uti for a year straight with no breaks for me. I went to a urologist so many times, I even had a camera shoved up there and got Uribel as a constant prescription. You know what helped? When I dumped the guy is was dating for years. It’s been 7 years now and I haven’t had a uti since then.
You have a dirty boyfriend.
IT’S HIM. Seriously.
I had this with an ex- He kept reinfecting me because he never got treatment himself. Now with my husband it’s never happened again.
Also, is he circumcised or not? Uncircumcised men seem to have a bit tougher of a time staying clean down there and sometimes dont realize how much that can affect us.
It sounds like your boyfriend might be the culprit. I recommend that you get him to the doctor to get checked out. And don’t have sex with him until he goes. If you think he might lie about what the doctor says or even going at all, then you might want to go with him to make sure that his doctor runs tests and to make sure that you hear the results. Just my thought.
I’m a doctor. I am not your doctor. I am not giving you a diagnosis.
Mirroring what basically all of the other replies are saying, your boyfriend’s penis may very well be the cause.
If you have received penetrative sex in the past with other sex partners but this is a problem only with your current boyfriend, that is telling.
If you pee after sex to flush out your urethra (post coital voiding), if you’re staying generally hydrated and urinating when you need to during the day instead of holding it in (avoiding unecessaey retention of urine), if you’re wiping off your vulva after using the bathroom and wiping in the direction toward your anus (so you are not dragging caca material–even if microscopic–toward your pee hole), if youre alternating between anal and vaginal penetration with first washing away fecal material (it’s microscopic; it’s not always a visible smear or smell) before going back into the vagina, and so on, and you’re doing all of the right things and you’re still getting these symptoms after having sex with him and it’s been a problem only with him, then, his penis may be the cause.
A large amount of people, both male and female, have poor hygiene and don’t know how to keep their genitals clean. A lot of people do not understand their genitals , their anatomy, and how to care for it.
In the US at least, education (especially in some states) is low quality and sex education is even worse (or non existent entirely).
Also, this notion of not always considering the male might be the problem (or part of it) when it comes to problems between a heterosexual couple with sex has to stop. Far too often everything is attributed to the female–what’s wrong with her what isn’t she doing right what can she do better is there there something wrong with me– and the whole other person (the man) also participating in the sex is being ignored.
Your boyfriend might not be washing his dick right. A gay man made a good comment here about how often he comes across men handling their penises with filthy hands to urinate and other person commented how they cleaned the bathrooms at a Costco and the men’s bathroom soap and paper towels supply lasted way too long . Lots of good comments here with good anecdotes.
Both you and your boyfriend would benefit from a proper history and physical exam by a qualified health professional and you both should be tested for STIs.
Two questions op: one how well does he wash himself when he showers? (Had an ex who was uh “uncut” down there and wouldn’t clean it good at all. Gave me UTI constantly from it.)
And is it possible you could be allergic to his sperm? Some women are and they get chronic UTIs and yeast infections from it.
Has he been checked!?!
There is a simple test for common microscopic organisms that can become too abundant on the skin and lead to infections. Have him get the test, it’s painless and just takes one short appointment. If he’s not willing to do that for the sake of both of your sex lives, especially when you’ve already been hospitalized (!!)c he’s a serious loser and you should dump him.
ITS NOT YOU ITS HIM. He needs to shower ahead of time and you need to go pee right afterwards. Genuinely every woman I’ve known who had chronic UTI/infections literally stopped getting them when they changed partners after struggling for years.
My GF had this problem too, at about the same scale, multiple hospitalizations, kidney infections, etc. Her UTIs weren’t related to sex in the same way though.
This is what worked for us and we haven’t have had an issue since. First, we both shower before sex. Then she pees right after. Then she takes another shower. She saw a urologist about the issue who recommended VeeGentle Sensitive ACV Feminine Wash, and also cotton underwear.
We’ve been UTI free for a couple years now.
It’s not fair to him??!
IT’S NOT FAIR TO YOUUUUUU!
Please never put a man’s orgasm above your own health. 💜
What everyone else is saying. It’s him. Please still ensure you are treating yourself for a long term UTI but if it only started with him then he also needs to be seen and adjust himself.
I went thru the same thing with an ex. once we broke up I almost never had another uti. You can be allergic to people, as it turns out.
Go get tested for Ureaplasma. Chronic UTIs can be linked to this bacteria… fair warning, it comes with a urethra swab.
Yep it’s definitely him and not you. I had the same issue, finally talked with my urologist and was prescribed low dose antibiotic to take prophylactically as needed after intercourse. Been doing this for about a year and haven’t had a UTI since. Good luck!
He’s the problem..
your body isnt broken… but that man sure is. get that man checked out and leave him!!!!
I used to get chronic UTIs as well. Besides taking cranberry tablet supplements and d-mannose pill supplements [and avoiding baths, using only cotton underwear, being extremely careful after using the restroom, and peeing before/after sex], I also make a shower together part of foreplay. 90% of my UTI infections have stopped happening because showering beforehand is required. Men are gross.