I matched with a guy on a dating app and things seemed to be going well. We exchanged phone numbers and started texting each other. The question about what we do for a living came up. I said that I’m currently working on applying to medical school. He then said that premeds don’t really care about people and that it’s all about money and status to them. He claimed he’s taken classes with premed students and they’re usually aren’t the nicest people. Am I right for getting bad vibes from these statements? It sort of came off like he felt insecure or something.
Comments
Yes; you are right to get bad vibes.
I’d run. Fast.
I mean… you’re a premed, right? So this random dude just talked shit to your face about you. Are you going to keep talking to him after he treats you that way, during a time that he is supposed to be on his best behavior with a new connection? What could you possibly gain from continuing to date this dude who has already shown you disrespect before you ever meet him?
Sounds like he’s trying to neg you. I’m amazed at how badly he’s doing.
>He then said that premeds don’t really care about people and that it’s all about money and status to them. He claimed he’s taken classes with premed students and they’re usually aren’t the nicest people.
Absolutely correct in your read. He’s saying these things to you now to set you up to prove yourself later. He wants to defend why you’re different and beg him to give you a chance. And further into a relationship – If you need to focus on classes, and he wants your attention instead, it’s going to be about how you only care about the status of the career you’re working towards and how you don’t care about him.
If he genuinely believes these things about premed, he would have let you know you were incompatible and unmatched. He didn’t because he is looking to manipulate you. Normal people don’t do this.
“Well, thank you for insulting me. It was nice getting to know you, but I won’t be continuing.”
ick – exit exit exit – he’s already trying to put you down.
And all you have to do is agree with him and let yourself out per his ‘truth’
“I guess we’re not a good fit then.”
Can I ask, why are you not sure already that he is a BAD option?
I’ll suggest very gently, with HUGE support and ZERO judgement, that you learn from his and begin to apply immediately (and NEVER 2nd guess yourself again).
It’s a classic pattern we’re conditioned to respond to the way you did. He seems nice, you want his approval. He suggests you’re not good enough but lets you want to defend his [unfounded] accusation and he’s ‘generous enough’ to hear your case. You know you’re a good person and want to be acquitted of this indictment.
Do. Not. Fall. For. This.
He attacked your integrity not because of anything you did, but by association of his prejudice and bias.
The next accusations will be because you’re a woman and we all know how THEY are 😉
No you’re not.
Also a good reminder to use a burner text/phone app so you’re not giving randos your actual number (I’ve had the same mobile over 20 years I wouldn’t want to have to change it) and easier if it’s just off matching on apps ie creeps who would immediately try to call to make sure you gave your actual number 🙄
“I’m sorry you feel that way. Enjoy the male loneliness crisis.”
He’s negging you, girl.
Ask how he expects you, a prospective premed, to respond
Yes, of course that’s a problem. Why would you date someone who is insulting you?
Umm, just ghost the AH.
“In that case, you wouldn’t want to be around a premed student like me. Bye!”
Don’t go on the date. As soon as someone gets insulting on an app or by text, that is what their personality will be in person. It’s never been that they turn out to be kind and considerate, trust me!
Thank you so much for letting me know pretty quickly that you are a douche canoe, so I don’t waste any more of my precious time. BLOCK
I don’t know if it’s insecure or not. But why would you want to date someone so prejudiced against your career path?
Feel free to unmatch.
Just let it go it’s not worth the effort.
Why are you even asking? 😭 he’s a loser
Best case scenario is that he is so tone deaf and dumb talking to him will be bashing your face into a brick wall. Worst case scenario… well, you know.
NOR
He’s testing your boundaries and setting you up for future coersion. He wants you to feel obligated to “disprove” his imaginary complaint by complying with future coersion to be more vulnerable and available than you’re comfortable with doing.
Definitely sounds unsafe.
Stop second-guessing your gut feelings in response to blatant disrespect!
Our feelings exist for a reason – to guide us. Block that loser.
What are you overreacting to? It doesn’t sound like you’re overreacting at all. You’re just curious to know more. Yes, you’re right to get bad vibes from this statement. Why would you want to pursue someone who thinks that you’re part of the “not the nicest people”? Just end it. No explanation. Please learn that this is a red flag for you and start having more judgement.
So you’re entertaining the notion of keeping things going with this guy? Is that what you’re asking?
The guy asked what you do, and when you told him, he proceeded to insult people in the field that you’re going into. Yeah, he sucks! Not even worth the “Not interested, bye” message.
He just told you that you are money grubbing, and don’t care about people.
That is what he thinks of you.
I honestly would block at that point. Why bother dating someone who thinks so poorly of you?
It sounds like he flunked.
The most generous interpretation you could possibly take of this would be that he genuinely had some negative experiences with several people who are premed who were absurdly egotistical and narcissistic and that he’s saying this as a warning for what to expect while being completely oblivious as to what that statement implies about you.
That’s still bad though. He’s doing some stupidly broad generalizations based on what is probably a small number of interactions, and he probably doesn’t just do that with premeds. Plus its highly unlikely he’s met a bunch of premeds going around saying that they DGAF and are just doing it for money, and its more likely he’s making those kinds of judgements about them because he has an ego and has to find a way in which he can see himself as being superior to them.
Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit. Even if he decides you’re a “good one,” do you want to keep hearing that resentful crap spewed toward your peers.
Girl, taking the time to post about him is already way more energy than he deserves. You don’t need permission to go with your gut.
I would just tell him: “It sounds like we aren’t compatible then. I wish you well and hope you find someone who has the qualities you are looking for.” Then just move on.
He’s showing you who he is! Please listen!
There are a lot of smart and experienced people on this thread!
He was around premeds and they weren’t nice to him. He is intimidated by you. You should follow their lead and move on with your life.
Yeah, no. Stop talking to him immediately.
It doesn’t matter that he’s right that many doctors are obsessed with money and status, it’s that he made that generalization without it even occurring to him that most of the rest of the premeds were there because they genuinely want to care for others. He lacks empathy and insulted you. He has disdain for your chosen field of study. There is no chance that you would be compatible.
I think that he’s telling you the truth about himself, he isn’t the smartest, and I would wonder what would happen if you tell him he is wrong, not something you want to see I promise you, his intentions wasn’t to impress you, but please he might try and “Fix” what he said later, I think he already gave you a pretty good idea as to why he match up to you or any other person, might of lied To get a match
Tell him “well, most people are lazy, so I’m gonna prove I’m not!” 😆
He’s got a complex and he’s trying to neg you. Bail
Not even worth the dignity of a response. Unmatch and block
Your question “Am I overreacting?” is so indicative of how very much women are told, throughout their lives, “You’re overreacting!” when people mistreat us. How much we’re gaslit from the time we’re little girls to ignore our feelings and gut instincts in favor of someone who’s treating us like shit, because their feelings are more important.
The answer is “Yes, Virginia, he is a narcissist and is negging you.” Probably because he’s insecure and intimidated. You can do better for yourself just by being alone. When you’re done with pre-med and move on to your specialty, you’ll have a degree in hand and exposure to other people who are intelligent and ambitious.
Take it from someone who caved into men like this for my whole life: NEVER give up your dream to please anybody!
Did you respond? I’d probably tell him, “thanks for letting me know how you feel. I’m not interested in getting to know you any further so delete my contact info.”
Anyone not only that judgmental but bold or stupid enough to say that out loud to you after you shared something about yourself is not worth another conversation. He told on himself quite clearly. Don’t waste time trying to dig into what he meant.
as a majority of folks already said, this man is already insecure that you’re applying for something that he can’t and potentially earning way more than he possibly ever can. no point in entertaining this person any longer as he’s already shown his true colours and it’s with certainty that this man will shit on everything you accomplish, big or small, bc he can’t deal you succeeding or being more successful than he is