Me (30M) and my ex-housemate (29M) co-existed pretty peacefully for about 12 months. No big issues. But after he gave me a month’s notice that he was moving out with a friend, things went downhill.
He signed a new lease that overlapped with ours by 2 weeks. He said it’d be “great” if I could find a new housemate so he didn’t have to pay double rent. That cut my timeline way down. I ran 8 inspections, offered the room twice, but both people went elsewhere. With a week to go, I hadn’t found anyone.
He then decided to find a short-term subletter and advertised his room as fully furnished, even though he wasn’t leaving a bed. I watched him run an inspection without mentioning that and the guy agreed he’d be interested in the room. At the same time, I had a strong long-term candidate who just wanted one more day to confirm. I asked my housemate if we could wait, but he said he needed an answer immediately. The next day, my candidate chose another place. My housemate blamed me for “losing” him the subletter option.
From then on he was passive-aggressive. Five days before leaving, he told me he couldn’t pay his final week’s rent on time because it would mean dipping into his savings, and that I’d have to cover him until his next pay cheque. I agreed to cover him to keep the peace. He moved out the next day but left stuff behind, and was technically paid up for another week.
A couple of days later I found a new long-term housemate who cut his overlap by 4 days anyway. We’d talked about me paying him out for some of the furniture we split, but then he sent me a list of the second-hand furniture we’d split when moving in and demanded I buy him out at the original price. I suggested depreciation (25%). He pushed for 15% or we’d have to sell everything. At that point, I just paid him back my share at the rate I suggested to be done with it.
Done with his shit, I moved his remaining items into the carport undercover, tarp over them, car parked in front and told him they were safe and he could pick them up anytime as I didn’t want to see him. They were two chests of drawers and a surfboard. To close things cleanly, I said I’d cover his last couple of days of rent he still technically owed with the overlapping lease. He blew up, accused me of being immature, said I had “no right” to go into his room before the lease technically ended, and kept insisting we could just “be adults” and see each other when he came by.
He thinks I’m morally wrong because (in his words) I went into his room without permission, moved his belongings, and shut the door on any future friendship. From his perspective, I disrespected his tenancy and made it harder for him.
Why I might be the AH:
- I did move his stuff out before his lease formally ended.
- I paid him off for the furniture at the rate I suggested instead of getting into further negotiation
But from my perspective, he repeatedly prioritised his short-term financial comfort over my time, my stress, and my preferences. He made me cover rent, pressured me on timelines, and tried to squeeze me for full repayment on depreciating items. I just wanted to end the stress and move forward.
AITA?
*EDIT: I should clarify. He did get me back on what was owed after me initially covering him for rent and then paid up for another week he was liable for. I covered the remaining couple of days he was liable for.
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Me (30M) and my ex-housemate (29M) co-existed pretty peacefully for about 12 months. No big issues. But after he gave me a month’s notice that he was moving out with a friend, things went downhill.
He signed a new lease that overlapped with ours by 2 weeks. He said it’d be “great” if I could find a new housemate so he didn’t have to pay double rent. That cut my timeline way down. I ran 8 inspections, offered the room twice, but both people went elsewhere. With a week to go, I hadn’t found anyone.
He then decided to find a short-term subletter and advertised his room as fully furnished, even though he wasn’t leaving a bed. I watched him run an inspection without mentioning that. At the same time, I had a strong long-term candidate who just wanted one more day to confirm. I asked my housemate if we could wait, but he said he needed an answer immediately. The next day, my candidate chose another place. My housemate blamed me for “losing” him the subletter option.
From then on he was passive-aggressive. Five days before leaving, he told me he couldn’t pay his final week’s rent because it would mean dipping into his savings, and that I’d have to cover him. His family is wealthy and often gives him money, but I agreed anyway just to keep the peace. He moved out the next day but left stuff behind, even though he was technically paid up (with me partly covering).
A couple of days later I found a new long-term housemate who cut his overlap by 4 days anyway. But then he sent me a list of the second-hand furniture we’d split when moving in and demanded I buy him out at the original price. I suggested depreciation (25%). He pushed for 15% or we’d have to sell everything. At that point, I just paid him back my share at the rate I suggested to be done with it.
Done with his shit, I moved his remaining items into the carport undercover, tarp over them, car parked in front and told him they were safe and he could pick them up anytime. To close things cleanly, I said I’d cover his last couple of days of rent. He blew up, accused me of being immature, said I had “no right” to go into his room before the lease technically ended, and kept insisting we could just “be adults” and see each other when he came by.
He thinks I’m morally wrong because (in his words) I went into his room without permission, moved his belongings, and shut the door on any future friendship. From his perspective, I disrespected his tenancy and made it harder for him.
Why I might be the AH:
But from my perspective, he repeatedly prioritised his short-term financial comfort over my time, my stress, and my preferences. He made me cover rent, pressured me on timelines, and tried to squeeze me for full repayment on depreciating items. I just wanted to end the stress and move forward.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I I did move his stuff out before his lease formally ended into a carport and out of the house when he was still paid up for another 3 days but not living in the house. It was two chest of drawers, and a surfboard which I covered. That could make the asshole for not properly respecting his stuff. It was
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
You were far more generous than you should have been.
I find it hilarious that he is arguing about the lease, when he didn’t cover the last week of rent.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Let him rant and rave. He can’t pursue anything against you here. Cut all ties when he picks up his stuff. In fact, if he hasn’t already gotten his stuff, I would give him a 30 day notice and then donate it all.
NTA. From his perspective he couldn’t stick you with everything and drain every last dime from you. Thats all. Don’t worry bout this. The moment he tried to get a sub-letter without speaking to you let you know he didn’t consider the friendship valueable and was willing to lose it over 2 wks rent.
He took your buy out, by all reasonable measures, at that point he was out (meaning you can enter) and his stuff was abandoned. You exercised due care in placing them in a safe place for his retrieval.
Nta
Your points are spot on. He made choices that led to the end of the friendship.
NTA be glad the door is shut to any future friendship.
NTA you’re done with this guy stop wasting your mental energy on him and move on
NTA. If he had wanted to maintain a friendship he would have 1. Helped you find a new roommate and not gotten in the way of potential roommates. 2. Fully paid his rent / Given the furniture he didn’t need for free as recompense for not being able to cover rent. 3. Given you more heads up to begin with- the minimum time is for the landlord, not your roommate/friend! It is significantly harder to find a roommate to take over a lease than to find new people to rent an empty apartment.
NTA
Am, YOU paid the remaining rent so it was your room to do with as you pleased. Make sure you change the locks and give him a removal date and time for his belongings to be moved. Don’t pay for other people’s stuff in the future.
Sounds like your ex-roommate was trying to pull a fast one while you were just trying to keep your sanity intact! I mean, who leaves a surfboard behind? That’s just asking for trouble.
NTA
He wasn’t paying rent until the end of his departure, so why should he still get his room and everything? That’s rich. He prioritized HIS situation and finances and expected you to just bend over.
The friendship is over. I had a similar souring if the relationship with my roommate who was a friend for 3 years prior to living together. It happens when one person is so unreasonable.
NTA. He didn’t pay for the last week, if I’m reading this correctly, so seems you were reasonable in getting his stuff out to allow new tenant in, at least for all practical purposes. Be glad this is over and, it seems, no big loss in not being friends going forward.
Ehhhh I think you both are AHs. Moving is stressful. There was a time crunch and you had potential roommates not work out so he wanted to sublet and waited because of YOU (which did not pan out on your end and he lost a sublet). Again, moving is a stressful time. Did you even try apologizing for that? Because I’m sure it added more stress and anxiety. You offered to cover his portion of rent, he just asked that you front it until he gets paid so that is on YOU. As far as his stuff goes, he should have taken everything with him or a plan to come back for the rest. You needed the room for the new roommate and for that he is a huge AH too. You both lost a friendship because you BOTH were being immature.
NTA. You gave him time, options, and resources to handle it. You did respect his stuff for as long as possible and when the time came, you made sure it was safe.