Long story short, my long term partner and I are in the process of buying our first house. Naturally, we are very excited and have been chatting about all of the things we’ll get to do now that we live alone. We are both teachers and in our 20s but have been living with parents to make saving easier. We are so unbelievably grateful and lucky to be able to do this. Both me and my partner LOVE animals, particularly cats and today at dinner I was chatting about a cat that I had seen up for adoption.
My partners parents started talking about how my FIL is allergic to cats. I knew this already but FIL regularly interacts with cats outside (the neighbours cats) so I thought the conversation was a little bit jokey at first. My MIL then turns quite serious and is essentially suggesting that we can’t ever get a cat because of FIL — or if we do that they will never be able to come round.
I am extremely grateful for everything they’ve done but I couldn’t help but feeling very protective/exasperated. We finally get to live under our own roof and have freedom to be an independent couple and here we are once again being dictated what we can and can’t do in our own metaphorical home.
I just feel so frustrated and in an awkward position; MIL then went on to detail how FIL gets extremely asthmatic when cats are in a house and I was too upset/angry to make a reply. Am I the asshole — I really feel so confused :/
EDIT FOR CLARITY: I’m talking about adopting said kitty when the purchase of my property is complete — no cats will be in in-laws home 🙂
Comments
NTA, I’m not sure how this would make you a AH. It’s your house you can furnish it, bring whatever or whoever inside at your bidding. It does suck that FIL is allergic. However, I’m sure accommodations can be made if he wants to visit. You can go to them!
NAH
You can totally get a cat in your own home.
AND they can totally say that for FIL’s health he cannot visit your home.
Both can be true statements.
And as a person allergic to cats, visiting the home of a cat can cause a much more severe reaction than interacting with a cat out and about.
INFO: You said you’re living with parents, I assume FIL is one of the parents you’re living with? If so, YTA. If you’re living in your own home (that you own, no other roommates etc) then NTA.
Edit: It can be easily construed with you looking at adopting a cat while still in their home that they could believe it would start off at their home, which they were telling you they were against and why. It doesn’t sound like you’ve talked to them, so the basics say either thoroughly talk to them about it so they are aware of all of your plans and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you get the cat before you are fully into your new home, or to remove talk of adopting a cat in front of them to keep the peace.
If FIL regularly interacts with cats, this sounds like a MIL problem not a FIL allergy. NTA. Those who pay the rent/mortgage get to make the house rules.
It’s your home. You’re being considerate of your FIL, but ultimately you and your partner get to make decisions in your own house
Many people would be happy to get a pet that keeps the inlaws out of their home. However you feel about them, get the pet!
NTA. MIL is telling on herself. She planned to pop over anytime and treat your home like an extension of theirs. I’d get two cats.
NAH absolutely get a cat if you and your partner have your hearts set in it. But you can’t be upset if FIL never visits. There’s a big difference between interacting with a car outside and visiting a place where cats live for several hours. No amount of cleaning before they visit will get the dander out of everything.
NTA. Your house, your cats. Your in-laws are way overstepping by making demands at your house. Unless FIL has offered to pay your mortgage as long as you don’t get a cat, then he doesn’t get a say about what you do in your own home.
Adopt a short haired kitty and get some Zyrtec for FIL.
Sounds like she’s upset they won’t be able to just stop on by your new place at any given time.
Get two cats.