Halloween is always something I’ve enjoyed. Ever since I was a child it would be a time for my dad and I to watch movies, decorate the house etc and I have a lot of good memories of that.
My girlfriend and I have also enjoyed celebrating Halloween and we usually have movie nights, carve pumpkins and go to local events if there are any on. We tend to have things for the full month.
This year my dad passed away so I mentioned to my gf wanting to make this Halloween special. We planned a couple of events in town to attend, we said we’d go on a day out somewhere I used to go with my dad, we planned a movie night and said we’d attend a scare maze event that is not far from us. It was nice knowing we have a lot planned for the month.
The tickets for the scare maze go on sale next week so we haven’t got tickets yet. My gf mentioned today that she’d made plans with friends for three separate evenings next month so she can’t afford the plans we’ve made. She said we can do the movie night but that’ll likely be it.
I asked if she was serious and she said yeah. I pointed out we’ve had things planned for weeks so she shouldn’t have made other plans knowing it’s all unaffordable.
I said she knew how important it was for me and it feels shit to know she’ll happily cancel the second her friends want to meet up.
She accused me of guilt tripping her but I pointed out if she feels guilty then maybe she should look at why. I said she shouldn’t be cancelling everything we’ve had planned for weeks just because her friends want to meet up.
I said she should have told her friends she can’t make it if it was unaffordable for her to go without cancelling plans we’ve already got.
AITA for expecting my partner to keep the plans we made next month?
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Halloween is always something I’ve enjoyed. Ever since I was a child it would be a time for my dad and I to watch movies, decorate the house etc and I have a lot of good memories of that.
My girlfriend and I have also enjoyed celebrating Halloween and we usually have movie nights, carve pumpkins and go to local events if there are any on. We tend to have things for the full month.
This year my dad passed away so I mentioned to my gf wanting to make this Halloween special. We planned a couple of events in town to attend, we said we’d go on a day out somewhere I used to go with my dad, we planned a movie night and said we’d attend a scare maze event that is not far from us. It was nice knowing we have a lot planned for the month.
The tickets for the scare maze go on sale next week so we haven’t got tickets yet. My gf mentioned today that she’d made plans with friends for three separate evenings next month so she can’t afford the plans we’ve made. She said we can do the movie night but that’ll likely be it.
I asked if she was serious and she said yeah. I pointed out we’ve had things planned for weeks so she shouldn’t have made other plans knowing it’s all unaffordable.
I said she knew how important it was for me and it feels shit to know she’ll happily cancel the second her friends want to meet up.
She accused me of guilt tripping her but I pointed out if she feels guilty then maybe she should look at why. I said she shouldn’t be cancelling everything we’ve had planned for weeks just because her friends want to meet up.
I said she should have told her friends she can’t make it if it was unaffordable for her to go without cancelling plans we’ve already got.
AITA for expecting my partner to keep the plans we made next month?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Expected my partner to keep the plans we’d made for October.
She said I should be fine with only keeping one of the plans and said I was guilt tripping her
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, I’m felt disappointed for you just reading the post.
How many times are you gonna ask this?
NTA for calling her out
NTA
Your GF made a promise. The then went back on the promise. Of course you are upset.
In the abstract, it is okay for someone to change their mind, but in a case like what you describe, she should have been proactive. Ideally, she should have asked whether it would be okay. Regardless, she should have informed you herself instead of this way.
NTA. It’s one thing to cancel one of the plans because of finances/timing, but to cancel pretty much everything after agreeing to go is inconsiderate, especially if she made three other costly plans with her other friends. Your frustration and disappointment are completely understandable.
If these activities are so important for *you* then why aren’t you paying for it?
You’re the one who wants to make “this Halloween special” because of the passing of your Dad. That’s understandable, but why is it your girlfriends responsibility to not only join you for multiple plans on different days, but also to cover the expense?
And you also seem to think she should just blow off her friends, so that she can spend whatever money she has for entertainment on the things that *you* want to do.
YTA
INFO…Why do you keep asking slight variations on the same question?
Wow! That’s a major red flag. It wasn’t just regular plans she cancelled. These were events specifically planned in remembrance of your dad. A way to stay busy instead of sitting around sad all month. I don’t know if I’d be able to look at her the same after that. It seems like you are more invested in the relationship than she is.
Nta,
Yes, it’s a bummer she made plans over yours. It’s one thing if she forgot or didn’t think your plans were concrete. If she hasn’t spent the money on the activities with friends, she should cancel their plans & do what she agreed to. But if she did make plans knowing she’d be hurting you, then she is not your person.
Oof, NTA. This line:
>She accused me of guilt tripping her but I pointed out if she feels guilty then maybe she should look at why.
Is gold. She’s lashing out because not only did she get caught and called out, but she feels guilty and is looking for somewhere to put the blame for her actions.
Honestly, OP, I’d look at how else in your relationship you are dismissed. If this is a one-time thing, I’d give her the space of trying to back out on plans with her friends and making this up to you. If she’s not willing to do that, to me, that really shows where her priorities are.
This isn’t just spooky movies and a holiday – it’s a tradition you want to carry on with her that means a lot to you, and it’s bonding time together. She’s backing out of quality time with her significant other in favor of friends that SHOULD understand if she comes to them with “Hey, I completely spaced I had plans with my SO, I’m so sorry. This is important to them, and I need to ask for a rain check.”
NTA. If it was just regular plans – I’d be like “that’s kinda rude, maybe she forgot”
But these plans were important.
Never allow someone to show you that you mean nothing more than once.
NTA. You made plans together first that you were counting on and that were specific and firm. She just changed them without a discussion, leaving you without a companion in going to these events (except one). It sounds like there were five events all together you had planned.
ESP as this is the first year after losing your dad, she should have been more considerate and thoughtful. If cost is an issue, why didn’t she bring it up at the time of planning? I’m assuming you are each paying your own way.
Changing plans when something “better” comes along is a bad fight of a poor character. I wonder if your partner is a good person, at all. She didn’t even try to compromise, such as asking if you’d like to switch one event, and instead join her with her friends. She didn’t say she wanted to drop one event for one with her friends, she’s scaling back to just one with you, and three with her friends.
Some partner. She sounds like she is twelve years old. Move on from her.
NTA. Reading this made my heart hurt. It isn’t about the activity, it is about the support.
INFO: How long have you been together? How much has she needed to support you through mourning in the past year and has she been putting down her own things to do so before this instance? Is there a reason, if this is something you want to do with her specifically to distract you from mourning that you can’t pay for the both of you?
Look, canceling plans is rude… but that said, your girlfriend shouldn’t be expected to spend all her spare time and fun budget with you specifically because it’s your first Halloween without your dad. Mourning is non-linear, there will be times it hits you and hurts you forever. And that sucks and you deserve empathy. But no matter how much it feels like it should stop, the world continues to turn after your loved one is gone. Your life and your girlfriend’s life keep going in ways that arent centered around the loss.
Something about the way you talk about this sounds… off. Specifically you speak about this a bit like someone who is using some bad thing that happened in their life to try to have their way in unrelated ways. I think it’s just the way you went off about how Halloween is super special to you and reminds you of your dad because you used to do Totally Normal Halloween Activities. Has there maybe been a pattern this year of you wanting to monopolize your girlfriend’s time to distract you from mourning?
NTA
Noticed you are asking this everywhere to get someone to agree with you. Hope people here read your comments elsewhere before deciding. YTA.
Info: Did you make plans as in you discussed the exact costs of everything and put it all in a calendar? Or in general you discussed things you’d do and both agreed?
Edit to add: YTA based on how you’re responding to comments. I don’t think you’re a reliable narrator. Would love to see her version of the story.
You want to do these activities but expect her to pay for them all? She is wrong to ditch you for her friends but you’re wrong expecting someone to fund babysitting you.
Obviously her friends are more fun ever thought of that? Maybe they don’t pressure her to be around for a whole month without any breaks! Your insufferable. Go spend time with your mom, siblings etc to remember your dad if it’s that’s important or is it more of a control things towards your GF?
YTA for how aggressively you’re responding to comments.
INFO: Why are you not offering to pay for the Halloween events that your partner can’t afford if they’re that important to you? Maybe she doesn’t want to pay to do the scare maze AGAIN this year. Maybe this is her way of saying she doesn’t love Halloween as much as you do and if you want her to be your plus one – you can buy her a ticket. Three nights out with her friends in an entire month is not unreasonable.
Judging from all your aggressive replies in comments I think maybe you rolled off ten Halloween things you wanted to do in October and she maybe said ok or yeah sure but does not share the enthusiasm & was not solidifying anything.
I’m sorry your dad passed away but it’s a disconnect for me as to why your father’s passing equals four weekends of Halloween activities (your girlfriend has to pay for) to support you in your grief.