I (33m) and my wife (35f) have been together 12 year and married for 5. Recently we’ve hit a point in our marriage where its as good as done. For the last 12/18 months she has become alot more distant and has had little to no interest in having sex whilst also withdrawing emotionally.

I (33m) and my wife (35f) have been together 12 year and married for 5. Recently we’ve hit a point in our marriage where its as good as done. For the last 12/18 months she has become alot more distant and has had little to no interest in having sex whilst also withdrawing emotionally. We have spoken about this more times than I can think of and it normally results in an argument and the odd time she would say it will change. It changes for a few days and goes back to the old ways. She also never initiates sex and rejects my advances 90% of the time. This was never the case throughout our time together until the last 12/18 months and it began to become a major issue. I’ve lost all self confidence due to the constant rejection. She’s even at times said that I have an obsession with sex. It probably has become that way due to the lack of it and the desire to make love with my wife.

She works with a guy called James(28m) and from the start I’ve felt something off with him. She is in a few work group chats, in which he is the only mail. I has seen he had been messaging her around 2 years ago, when she was showing me something on her phone and I’d asked what that was about and she said it was about work. She had then started to go on more work nights out and then changed her WhatsApp settings so other people can’t see if you’re online or read messages, while also becoming more protective of her phone. One night she came home drunk and I stupidly looked at her phone and she had messages from James, they weren’t bad but just seemed odd he would message her outside of their chats if they’re only talking about work. I’d held it in for a few days before explaining to my wife that it made me feel uncomfortable and insecure and I’d appreciate it if she’d keep their messages for their work chats. She went ballistic and refused. I then said that she’s not considering how I feel and being very unreasonable, especially as 3 or 4 years prior she’d asked me to leave a work group chat because she felt threatened by one of the girls I worked with. I didn’t argue and done it with no questions asked.

After speaking with her about James texting, she said she would stop and understands my point and apologised. A few weeks later, same thing. She was.on a work night out and came.home drunk. Curiosity got the better of me and I checked her phone, Stupidly again and seen replied from James but no messages from her. Which would indicate she’s deleted the. I confronted her the next day and she denied. Said she didn’t know about messages and that k shouldn’t have been on her phone. I never accepted that and she kept her story. The next day when asked again, she admitted.to deleting messages because she knew I didn’t like it. I never fully believed it but accepted her apology and she promised she wouldn’t do it again. I advised that if she does then the trust is well and truly gone and that it could be what.ends.our already struggling relationship. Friday past, she went out with 2 wives of 2 of my best friends. I collected them and she was drunk and being her usual drunk self, cheeky and defensive. When we got home she was texting someone and I said who are you texting. She said noone and began shouting and calling me names. I laughed and rolled around in bed and tried to sleep. She did get into bed and put her phone under her pillow, on silent and Internet turned off. She got up quickly to be sick in the bathroom without her phone so. So opened it and seen messages from James, however. None from her. I’d had enough. I went mad. Shouted at her and she laughed at me, got into bed and said “are you going to cry now?”.

The next morning, I got up and went out with our children. Came home, left them with her and went to the bar. She text apologising and I told her I’d had enough and not to talk to me. I came home drunk. She tried to talk to me and I gave her some home truths. Told her I wanted her out because I’m not losing my family and home over her decisions. She’s adamant nothing has happened and they’re friends. I messaged James, asked him phone me. He waited two days before he did and I threatened I’d beat the life out of him and he hung up and blocked me. She’s since turned this around on me and claims I’m controlling and has no respect for me or my feelings. I’m now back at my family home while she is in our home with my kids. Any advice on my next move? Please