For context, 29 F 32 weeks pregnant. His moms were extremely pushy on me getting pregnant as we were a new couple, I get pregnant in January found out 5 weeks later and that’s when they started planning everything. Booking halls, caterers, ect. No matter how many times I told them I didn’t want it to be big or do too much bc I’m just not that kind of person they assured me they wanted it big so they will take care of it. All I had to do was show up. Fast forward to this week where they then say they can no longer pay for it and expect us to shell out 2000$ in the next week or 2 to pay for the whole thing knowing we just had to move, I’m working less bc I’m extremely pregnant and going on leave in about a month or so. I said cancel it. I just won’t have one. Which is hard to do since this is my first baby I’ve dreamed about the shower since they started planning it. Did I mention his mom is supposed to make all the decorations and the hall we were having it at was a friend of hers who gave us a “big discount”? Now she’s telling me she feels bad for the hall lady bc she could have given the date to someone else but not for me who is missing out on a shower for my first baby and their grandchild? It’s not worth the stress of trying to throw something else together or put ourselves behind to pay for this shower right before baby comes? I feel cheated. I didn’t get the maturnity pictures or 3D ultrasound they promised either. Feeling defeated. AITAH?
AITAH for canceling my babyshower because my boyfriends moms pulled out of paying for it last minute?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Take care of yourself. If you’re able move it to your home or another home so you can still celebrate your baby but NTA you said you didn’t need it that big and they didn’t listen
NTA, they overextended themselves and are putting the burden on you. Focus on your health and the care of the little one growing in you and ignore them.
Girl bye. Do something intimate that makes you feel good to celebrate the birth. This sounds like just a headache
NTA. It’s rude of the Moms to pull this stunt. Don’t pay out $2,000 that’s just silly. You could use that money to purchase whatever you need for your baby. Can you change the venue to your or a friend’s home? It’ll be a smaller get together but still fun. People don’t need to spend thousands of dollars to have a baby shower or wedding for that matter.
NTA. This is terrible behavior. I get they are low in cash, but to ask you for it when this was never discussed is ridiculous.
Is there any way to keep the party but reduce the cost? Less food or something. I’m sorry for this situation.
Skip the shower for now and maybe plan a smaller one at someone’s home or local park. Could be worse dear. My MIL threw the shower. I walked in and not one person I was close to. In fact every school bully was there. They still ganged up to pick at me. It was pretty bad. Locked myself in bathroom and cried for hours. Before cell phone so couldn’t call my hubby to pick me up either
Yikes, you’re in for a rough time with this pushy yet flaky baby daddy momma. Condolences.
You’re not supposed to throw yourself a shower, anyway. This is for the best.
Imagine what the rest of your life is going to be like if you don’t set boundaries now
Now you know. Never, ever count on them for anything again. Not babysitting. Not a holiday dinner. Not a ride to the hospital when your toddler has a fever. Just don’t do it. ALWAYS assume they will let you down. They are showing you exactly who they are. Believe them.
NTA Why did the mom’s decide not to pay for the baby shower? I would recommend going low contact with them because they cannot be trusted for anything. That would also include not seeing the baby. And certainly not being there when you’re in labor. Your husband needs to deal with his moms. Putting a shower together is not going to be that hard, just tell all your friends to come over whatever day. Tell your friends to bring the refreshments and that you want gifts. You can make it potluck.
What the heck!! She plans this big thing and then tells you at the last minute to pay two thousand dollars!!! Anyone ever heard of cake and punch like the old days? Why all this over the top crap?
Contact all the people that you wanted at your shower. Tell them what your bf’s moms did, and how you now have to cancel their party. But you would still like to celebrate with them. You can do a very low key shower with your close family and close friends. It can be at someone’s house, at a park, at a cafe, etc.
But do not allow your bf’s moms anywhere near it. And don’t allow them at the hospital when you give birth either.
I’m sure they don’t want it canceled because it would make them look bad in front of their friends. They promised this big shower, despite you saying you didn’t want it to be big, and knew they didn’t have the money to pay for it so they figured you two would step up and take care of it. They are selfish and I would limit their time alone with your child seeing as the show is what is most important to them.
Do an online registry, share it with everyone.
I’m slightly petty so I’d probably share to Facebook with a note shaming MIL.
NTA.
That is disappointing but if you don’t have the money its best not to extend yourself and be stressed out about it. Hopefully most of the gifts will find there way yo you anyways. I want to offer this: why are your maternity pictures or 3d ultrasound dependent on them? That tells me you are leaning on them too much. Only do things that you can afford yourself.
You still have a few weeks. Why don’t you get together with some friends at a park, have a picnic lunch, and get one or more friends to take some maternity photos of you? I know it’s not quite the same as a professional photographer, but you’ll have fun and you might get some good photos out of it. And if some of your friends come with baby gifts, that’s cool too.
Something to think about and discuss with your boyfriend— his moms might also have big plans about being in the delivery room. If you don’t want that, you need to set that boundary NOW. And your boyfriend needs to back you up. It’s possible that they’ve already told him (not asked).
BTW, I think those 3D ultrasounds are creepy!
NTA and his mom already proved that she doesn’t deserve access to your child. Your BF’s mom is a snake
You’re NTA, but is there a reason you can’t just have a baby shower at your home? All the baby showers I’ve been to, have always been out of homes. Maybe I’m out of the loop? Does everyone pay $2000 for a baby shower now?
NTA, there is no way in hell I would pay $2000 for a shower I didn’t even want. It’s not too late to have a small shower at your home or maybe your mom or a friend can host it. Have a nice cake and some appetizers hors d’oeuvres and that’s it. That’s all you need to do. I know people like his mom’s. They think because they say they’re going to do it. It’s the same thing as doing it they want the credit for something that they can’t even afford.
Idk why some grandmas are so out of pocket. What a weird woman. NTA
Wait—$2,000 for a baby shower and you guys don’t have any money? First off, the immediate family isn’t supposed to host a baby shower—it comes off as a greedy gift grab. Second, you guys aren’t married, right? Why is this woman pushing for you to get pregnant? Is she that desperate to have a grandchild? You can tell everyone point blank that all etiquette rules say the mom-to-be cannot host her own shower. It’s just not done. So just stop doing all this crazy stuff and focus on a healthy pregnancy. If you have any normal friends, maybe one of them wants to have a small gathering of just people who support you. There’s a whole lot of crazy on that side of the family—let’s hope your baby doesn’t inherit it. I’m going to judge you NTA because hosting your own shower is just not done.
I’m so sorry. You are not TAH for canceling the shower. What choice did you have? It sounds like the moms cannot be depended upon for much at all. Going forward, I would have an excuse ready every time they volunteer to do anything else. I wouldn’t ask them to ever babysit either. They sound too unpredictable. All the best to you and your baby!
Just have the people you would actually have wanted to invite over to your place or something small. Or ask one of your friends if they don’t mind having everyone come to theirs
I guess the only good way to look at it is you didn’t want a big one in the first place and now you don’t have to have one.
Why are they no longer able to afford it? Did they give you a reason? Or did they feel that you weren’t really into it?
$2,000 for a shower for yourself? That’s an insane ask. That’s a lot of baby things you could buy. They had to have known long before now that they couldn’t afford it. They could have used someone’s church or apartment events room for free.
After the baby comes, have a small intimate group of girlfriends over for a baby shower. They don’t need to know about it at all.
It sounds like their enthusiasm doesn’t match their budget – so if money is involved, assume that they will not be paying, ever.
Don’t count on them for anything. If bf doesn’t step up and handle them that’s a huge red flag for him too. I know it’s disappointing to miss out on your baby shower – I did too, because my mother would only help or go if my friends footed the bill for an expensive restaurant to impress her friends and family ( which at 20 no one could afford). Now that my daughter is grown it is barely a blip on the radar. There are so many other firsts. Find your people – even if it’s just a few close friends and family members – and ask to have a casual lunch with them for a small baby shower. You enjoy it more anyway, and the material things come one way or another anyway. Stick to your guns. NTA
Call your guest list (I know, sucks, but you don’t have to call hers) and explain that the host is no longer able, so the event is canceled. If anyone asks if another shower is planned or if they can help plan a new shower, say there isn’t one yet but thank you for asking—and take notes.
Your man needs to talk to his mom about broken promises having consequences, and the short notice after disregarding your wishes in the first place makes it that much worse. How can you all trust her with a child when she can’t be trusted with a single day?
It was all just a scam for them to make money. Mom probably really d8d get a significant discount for the hall, but figued she could force your hand at the last minute to pay more for the hall than she was gping to be charged.
Dont depend on anyone for anything.
I’m 40 and having my second child after 13 years and different gender so it’s like completely starting over/having a first baby…
still didn’t do a shower – we decided to save the money and buy and do what we needed in lieu of spending money feeding and entertaining people who haven’t once even texted to see how me or the little fetus is doing – sometimes it’s easier just not including people who don’t deserve to be included
I’ve had my family doing it all with us because they didn’t need a fancy hall or exact date to do so, they just wanted to celebrate however they could and without stressing me out about the other side of the family
Cancel it and let them eat any deposits that aren’t refunded. NTA
Cancel it and let them eat any deposits that aren’t refunded. NTA
NTA. I would pretend to plan a big birthday bash for her and cancel at the last minute. Tit for tat.
You can have the maternity pictures. You don’t have to hire a professional photographer. Having a friend or family member take them is better than having no pictures at all. Just take a lot of different poses so you have a lot of options to find the ones you like.
NTA. However, let thus be a teachable moment. Never rely on anyone especially when money is involved.
You can still plan a baby shower after the baby is born. Plan an intimate one with the people you want. Also, you can ask your physician for a 3D ultrasound sound.
Going forward, tell MIL you will take care of any celebrations going forward.
Congratulations on your upcoming little one.
So awful!!!! She can’t be counted on for the future. Could you do a back yard tea sandwich and tea baby shower party?
There is only room for one queen in your boyfriend’s life and if your boyfriend’s mother is wearing that crown, the drama and dysfunction will only get worse from here. These type of women love to cause drama and are always too involved and love to hold money over your head as a way to control you. You need to have a serious conversation with your man about setting boundaries. Keep her away from any future major festivities as she will try to ruin them.
What about your Husband? The Father of your Child? This looks like a another bad case of having children with the wrong person.
NTA- Cancel the shower- and put it appropriately ‘due to circumstances you were not involved in, the shower has been cancelled’ (you don’t need to publicly shame- the right smile at the right time says it all). Then reach out to YOUR important people & ask for help. Ask if they can help you put together a small, backyard (or game room or church social hall) shower- make it a potluck or ask a few people who have ‘famous’ favorites they always bring to parties. You do not have to spend a fortune, people love to help out & if you are honest about it being beyond your control & the original party hosts backed out- the people that love you will shower, sprinkle & bathe you w a wonderful time
Tell her if she feels bad then she can pay for it like she promised. Her feeling bad is due to her pulling out. Also never get pressured into getting pregnant. Plan your life on your terms not in-laws