Hiii! I’m 16f and I usually own a lot of underwear including thongs , while doing my laundry a pair of my thongs dropped (I didn’t notice) and my dad found them he called my mom asking you they were & my mom lied saying they were my older sisters…he began to say that they “he’d hope they weren’t mine and got upset , weeks later my mom was bringing up my laundry while I did my school work & I guess another pair had fallen before she noticed my dad found them again on the clothing pile on my floor , again my mom lied saying they were my older sisters that had fallen. I came to my dads car after school and he began to accuse me of lying about having thongs saying to never lie … he then said “I went through your drawers (including your underwear drawers) this is my house I do what I want” it was super weird , as soon as I got home I went to my room to find all my pairs of underwear on my vanity & my clothing drawers not the same way they were this morning & stuff moved around (like he was snooping in my room) am I the only one who things this isn’t weird that he’s looking through my clothing drawers? Especially my underwear/bras .. I have nothing to hide at all though.
My dad went through all my drawers (including underwear)
r/Advice
Comments
That’s tricky cause he’s not being gross he’s being controlling…
Oof, im so sorry, that was definitely the wrong response from your dad. Personally, my reaction (as a step-mom who doesn’t have kids of her own) is to say that you are well within your rights to have a big STOP moment with you mother and ask her to helpbestablish some fresh boundaries with your father as a maturing teen. You are hugely in the right to speak up here – but with the added nuance that as wrong as your dad is, intent is important and im sure it comes from a place of love. Imagining your baby girl becoming a sexual adult is so tough for a dad. And he did wrong. But there’s hope in resolution when everyone loves eachother at the end of the day. Adults mess up too, unfortunately.
Just curious, is your family religious or did your father grow up religious? Or is your father able to maintain his composure during tuff conversations? He seems a lil dated around women’s attire.
Nevertheless, you and your mother and sisters need to sit him down and have a round table conversation about boundaries and personal space & my body my choice. Probably plan that talk out together ahead of time.
It seems obvious but is your father anti-thong underwear for OP to wear?
Im curious why your dad is so obsessed with what undies you wear… thats super weird
I’m curious. Who bought the undies to start with? Dad might be upset that it seems everyone is lying to him. Mom can definitely step up the honest communication. Parent to parent. Also, as a mom of girls my kids didn’t wear thongs until they were a little older. My kids are much older, so maybe thongs are not as risqué as they were 20 years ago!
Mom & dad aren’t on the same page… As parents they need to have more open & honest communication…
Your obviously daddy’s little girl. He’s not being gross he’s overprotective of you. My older sister got pregnant at 16 the next sister down my father was similar like this. Its not against you or some may think in case you might embarrass him. Its an old fashioned way of loving you.
Totally totally crazily inappropriate. Sexist and misogynist.
I’m a dad of a girl almost your age and can’t imagine noticing, let alone commenting, on my children’s underwear.
I mean, I get the “my house my rules” thing – but that’s for things like cleaning your room. Not controlling what undergarments you wear.
I’m so sorry. Enlist your mom’s cooperation to figure out a way to survive until you can leave the house.
OP- underwear is underwear- it’s not an announcement on promiscuity levels…it’s a personal choice you’re in a free country. That said, I think he is stuck in an outdated hyper sexualized anxiety spiral about “what this choice means” about who you are. it’s like older generations who think tattoos are dirty or people shouldn’t live together before marriage. He sees the underwear as sexually mature when really you just like them and/or don’t want any lines to show under skirts or pants. (If they are for other people’s viewing pleasure, I’m not judging..,I just would hope that’s not the case due to your age). That said, tell him the reason you like to wear them and maybe he will stop thinking about you like that.
Yes, it’s gross. Yes, it crosses boundaries. It’s not like you’re sneaking around buying them. Evidently, your mom gets them for you since she knows and is okay with it.
The number of people trying to make this “okay” because it’s “daddy protecting his little girl.” it’s a control thing, and it’s gross. He can “protect” her hundreds of other non-invasive, intruding, disturbing, controlling ways.
You need to talk to your mom. Your dad is twisted in his mentality. Its funny how its “not all guys,” but its all guys when it comes to their daughter or SO being around or wearing anything slightly “risqué” around males.
The fact that everyone calls out how disgusting his behavior gets downvoted is sad. The gross few trying to make this behavior okay trying to silence those who know this behavior isn’t acceptable is very telling of them.
Hi! I’m a mom of 3 and if my husband were to have an issue with my kids underwear I would call him out and find it incredibly creepy that he would dare go through our kids drawers to check out their underwear. I would not be okay with that and it would make me feel like our kids are not safe in their own home. Thankfully, he would never care what type of underwear our kids have as long as they’re wearing underwear. People in the comments are being super weird. Regular parents understand our children are growing up and want to find things they like and be their own person, this involves buying their own clothes and experimenting with styles. Regular parents want to set up our children for the real world and let them make their own decisions, not control their underwear usage. Talk with your mom and tell her to talk to him about it. She shouldn’t be afraid of telling him it’s none of his business or even have to lie and say it’s your older sisters underwear. That’s not normal. This is a difficult situation for a kid, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Sexualizing thongs is weird. I hate them now but needed them as a teen as my volleyball shorts showed every line and I wasn’t comfortable going commando. Rifling through your teenagers underwear drawer is weird.
Dont lie to your dad
Mom should not have been lying ( twice ) to Dad about this situation —> that made it WORSE !!
If Mom thinks it is perfectly fine for their 16 year old daughter to wear thong underwear then she should say so to Dad and not be dishonest about it.
Dad cannot trust the word of his wife or 16 year old daughter.
That is a much bigger issue than what type of underwear any person is wearing.
I’m reading a bit more, in to what went on here, than just an issue with the thongs. Mom insecure about telling dad who the thongs really belong to!! Dad saying this is my house and I do what I want!!
Dad sounds like a very controlling person.
Cool, just tell him you’ve stopped wearing underwear! That’s what he gets for being a controlling weirdo!
I disagree totally your dad is trying to keep his young daughter from being sexualized. I know the world is a lot different these days. I am 40 years old and I remember what it was like to be a teenage girl. I am sure your father assumes if you’re wearing thongs that you’re probably sexually active. I don’t think that that’s the case. I’m saying that your dad might feel that way or that things are heading in that direction or you might have a boyfriend I don’t know but your dad was lied to by your mom which means she knew he didn’t want you to wear them so if she’s allowing you to wear them and obviously paying for them, then she’s going against her husband‘s wishes and your father’s she wants to be the cool mom. Your dad said that this is weird when he went through your underwear he went through your underwear / bra drawer. He wanted to know the truth because his wife was lying to him and probably went behind his back and allowed you to wear them to be cool. What’s the other reason she would care? She knows how much better it is to wear thongs than regular underwear at 16 or I mean what I just wanted you to be super comfortable maybe possibly but regardless she shouldn’t lie to her husband. You should probably go home and hug your dad and thank him for caring because there’s a lot of dads out there that don’t and I never had one.