A few years ago I was at my husband’s (bf at the time) annual family beach trip. It’s a week long and with all the aunts/uncles/cousins. We were both 25 at the time, and it was my 2nd year going.
We stay in a condo together with his parents, brother, and his girlfriend. The rest of the family are in adjacent condos. Since we don’t have kids, our condo was always the evening hangout spot.
It’s a lot of drinking, playing games, having fun. People slowly trickle out to go to bed; by 1am it’s just me, my husband, his dad, and uncle left. I head to bed and they continue carousing. It’s not a huge condo so you can still hear everything; even with my earplugs, sound machine, box fan, and pillow over my head. Around 2am I’m like, why are they still hooping and hollering when they know everyone else has gone to bed? Do they not realize how loud they are? I poke my head out and summon my husband to our room. I meekly ask if he could mention “maybe we should try and keep it down a notch?” He responds “uh? Okay I’ll see?” I was confused by that response.
It’s past 3am and they’re still all rowdy (mainly his dad, he’s the loudest and hardest partier.) At one point his brother asked my husband for his keys to try and sleep in his car. I call my husband into our room again and am like “It’s 3:30am, no one can sleep, do they not care?” He got angry and said I was way out of line to complain about how his dad is enjoying the vacation he’s paying for. I was shocked. I thought I was valid and reasonable. I didn’t think they should stop, just lower the volume a little. In my family we stay up late too, but we’re still respectful and considerate of those trying to sleep.
My husband said his brother and I were in the wrong for thinking his dad should quiet down; as it’s HIS money that paid for this trip, and HIS family, and so “if he wants to play the fucking drums in the living room at 4am, he can because HE paid for the condo.”
I disagree. I don’t think that justifies being inconsiderate. If it were just a few nights in the week I wouldn’t mind, but seven is excessive. Yes, his dad is hungover. He stays in bed most of the day while we’re with everyone out on the beach, running around playing with the kids in the sun and heat. He finally emerges around happy hour and is ready to party again. While he’s rightfully entitled to enjoy his vacation, I think it’s selfish to disregard the fact we’re exhausted from playing with his family’s kids every day.
Am I right or am I the AH for feeling this way?
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A few years ago I was at my husband’s (bf at the time) annual family beach trip. It’s a week long and with all the aunts/uncles/cousins. We were both 25 at the time, and it was my 2nd year going.
We stay in a condo together with his parents, brother, and his girlfriend. The rest of the family are in adjacent condos. Since we don’t have kids, our condo was always the evening hangout spot.
It’s a lot of drinking, playing games, having fun. People slowly trickle out to go to bed; by 1am it’s just me, my husband, his dad, and uncle left. I head to bed and they continue carousing. It’s not a huge condo so you can still hear everything; even with my earplugs, sound machine, box fan, and pillow over my head. Around 2am I’m like, why are they still hooping and hollering when they know everyone else has gone to bed? Do they not realize how loud they are? I poke my head out and summon my husband to our room. I meekly ask if he could mention “maybe we should try and keep it down a notch?” He responds “uh? Okay I’ll see?” I was confused by that response.
It’s past 3am and they’re still all rowdy (mainly his dad, he’s the loudest and hardest partier.) At one point his brother asked my husband for his keys to try and sleep in his car. I call my husband into our room again and am like “It’s 3:30am, no one can sleep, do they not care?” He got angry and said I was way out of line to complain about how his dad is enjoying the vacation he’s paying for. I was shocked. I thought I was valid and reasonable. I didn’t think they should stop, just lower the volume a little. In my family we stay up late too, but we’re still respectful and considerate of those trying to sleep.
My husband said his brother and I were in the wrong for thinking his dad should quiet down; as it’s HIS money that paid for this trip, and HIS family, and so “if he wants to play the fucking drums in the living room at 4am, he can because HE paid for the condo.”
I disagree. I don’t think that justifies being inconsiderate. If it were just a few nights in the week I wouldn’t mind, but seven is excessive. Yes, his dad is hungover. He stays in bed most of the day while we’re with everyone out on the beach, running around playing with the kids in the sun and heat. He finally emerges around happy hour and is ready to party again. While he’s rightfully entitled to enjoy his vacation, I think it’s selfish to disregard the fact we’re exhausted from playing with his family’s kids every day.
Am I right or am I the AH for feeling this way?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Who’s paying for the vacation has nothing to do with it. Respect people’s sleep. Though since this was your second year there, maybe you should have known not to stay in that particular house? Anyway NTA for wanting to get some sleep.
Nta, just because he paid doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants at the expense of everyone else
NTA
Umm, did you or husband ask your guests politely to leave? Some people just don’t pick up on social queues and need to be told what to do. Who pays shouldn’t make a difference. Your husband sounds like a wimp.
NTA, but in the the future, I’d be getting a separate condo so you can go back to your own place.
NTA.
But your husband and FIL are.
I would not attend the next vacation he pays for. Your spineless hubby can go solo.
NTA, but I think you should probably set better boundaries. Tell them if they are going to use your condo as a hangout they either have to be respectful of the people sleeping in the condo or leave when someone is ready for bed.
Your husband is the biggest asshole for not having a spine and standing up for his wife.
NTA. Just because you buy someone dinner doesn’t mean you can force feed them whatever you want. Just be prepared for this every year and maybe make your own accommodations to be able to sleep.
NTA. I hate this attitude that some parents have that just because they paid for a vacation, their kids are obligated to act like accessories for the vacation and endure whatever indignities they are subjected to. Maybe next time you’re offered a “free vacation” you can let your husband go alone while you enjoy an actual vacation. Or maybe your husband can spring for a separate living area if his dad can’t keep it down at night. Personally, I think you should return the favor and blast loud music so that your hungover FIL can understand what it’s like to cope with an inconsiderate noisemaker.
NTA but it’s your husband as much your FiL
Pay for a Airbnb for them and suggest bed at 10pm.
You’re paying after all.
Also, you married that man after what he said?
NTA. You should have all the kids in for a snack & a pillow fight during his sleep time.
ESH – if everyone’s partying and you go to bed first the party doesn’t usually stop for you.
Who cares if you’re right? You still chose to marry into that family.
NTA. I get your point of view. “You told me this is where I am to sleep and you’re making it impossible to sleep”.
I would for future trips, either pay for my own place or talk to MIL or someone about crashing at their place.
If hubby wants to party all night with his dad, they can party, just not at your expense. And honestly, I might encourage the kids to want to play with grandpa after one such evening. “You bring everyone all this way, the kids really want to enjoy some time with grandpa. They want him to be the judge of the sand castles!” They are sad that grandpa doesn’t want to spend time with them.
NTA. It looks like he is paying for you to come so that he can have childcare during the day while he sleeps off the hangovers he can get at your place while his kids sleep. He is not being magnanimous, he’s being controlling and exploitive. I would pass on the next trip. And hubby needs to do better defending you!
We took my adult son and his girlfriend on a family vacation with us, but had to accept that they were not there as our accessories or paid companions. It was their vacation, too. We did some things together, but they had their own activities as a couple as well. My husband and I would not have dreamed of treating them like your FIL is treating you.
So your FIL is an alcoholic and the speed with which your husband defends him makes me wonder if your husband has a drinking problem as well
Ease look into the group Al-Anon which offers support for friends and family of alcoholics.
NTA. I don’t like how your husband was speaking to you. Unnecessarily aggressive
Merely because you paid for other’s accommodation does not give you carte blanche. Rude is rude.
NTA and you just described my FIL and why we no longer go on family trips together. Also, we’re estranged from him so there’s that. Your FIL is selfish.
I think the kids need to start hanging out in your condo in the mornings for breakfast and lunch time dance party with really loud music.
Help Grandpa reset his sleep schedule.
I think they best solution would be to sleep elsewhere, pay a but more for other condo.
What about the locals who live by?
Noise restrictions are for a reason.
NTA but you know what to do right? Get them drums out an make ALOT of noise why he is trying to sleep.
Isn’t payback sweet.
Also your husband is a D I C K
Also dont let that mf sleep in either, loud music, wake his ass up.
I dont care who payed for what, granted have fun but there is no need to be rude about it.
NTA but why are you asking years after this happened? You still married into the family. Are you still arguing about this with your husband?
You were being perfectly reasonable and I think your husband was being a bit of an asshole and his father was being a major asshole. But I don’t know why any of it matters years later.
Why did you marry into this family? You have a husband and FIL problem. YTA because you knew this about them and still got married.
YTA. You’re on vacation with his family, and they paid for you. Suck it up, or party with them. Don’t ever go again if you so desperately need your beauty sleep.
YTA- and this is why… you were ok hooping and hollering till 1am. It only bothered you when you decided to go to bed. You are just as bad as them.