So my girlfriend (F26) brought strangers to our house while I (M26) was gone for a few days. During the weekend (while I was gone), she lied to me and said she spent the weekend just resting and hung out with a friend of hers during the day for one of the days while I was gone (I do not care she was hanging out with her friend at all).
Fast forward to the week that I get back, a few days into being home I notice a few things were off. First, I notice there is a beer glass from a neighborhood bar that we do not own, which made me realize she must have been there alone or with someone aside from her friend (her friend is not the type to go to bars, let alone steal a cup).
After realizing this, I begin to check the garbage to see if there are more signs. In doing so, I find a tin of nicotine pouches which are not mine, and neither my girlfriend nor her friend use pouches, as well as KT tape (kinda weird, but something we don’t have in the house). I then look in the recycling and find alcoholic drinks that neither of us drink.
This made me think back to the day I got home when she had just washed the sheets and there was a freshly made bed. Initially, I thought she did this as a nice gesture. But on further thought, I am usually the one who washes the laundry + sheets and it has been like this for about 6 months to a year now.
Also, there were some shows on my Amazon Prime watch history that were watched during those days and she claims to know nothing about those.
I asked her about these things and she eventually confessed that she brought some strangers back to our place after going to the bar. She says they watched music videos and just chilled. She seemed flustered about me asking this and soon after left the room, suggesting that I was accusing her of cheating. She could not and still hasn’t given me a clear answer on who exactly was there.
It seems like right now, she is sticking with the story that 2 guys + 2 girls came over. She said she went to the bar alone because she was lonely and looking for some connection. I know she is lonely and I have been trying to get her to be more social and connect with others more.
After she stormed out of the room, we didn’t talk for a few hours. She comes back and says that one of the girls slept over because she tapped out early and was not feeling good from drinking, and my girlfriend offered her my spot in bed for her to sleep. I don’t know why she just didn’t get an Uber home, and my girlfriend reasoned that her car was in an inconvenient location relative to her house, so she drove her to her car in the morning.
This seemed suspicious to me, but I didn’t say much back. The reason I didn’t say much is because shortly after confessing this girl stranger slept in our bed, my girlfriend started crying and saying she was emotional because I “accused her of cheating” (I did not accuse her of this — just mentioned that I am asking these questions to rule out this possibility — sort of accusing, but understandable given the situation, in my opinion).
I said I believed her on what had happened and it was not such a big deal that she had to cry. After crying, she left to the couch to sleep, so we are not together tonight.
To be clear, I am not happy that she brought strangers over to our house without letting me know, but if her story is true, what she has done is not that bad. Regardless, the whole situation was sus to me and I feel unsettled.
What do I do?
Comments
U know what she did bro. Ur in the denial phase.
Red flags galore here. Not cool of her to bring randoms to your shared space while you’re gone & then lie about it. Imo, it’s not about whether she cheated or not, the bigger issue is the trust she broke. Tbh, she needs to know that ain’t cool. Doesn’t matter if she was lonely or not, respect for you & your shared space is needed. Has some serious apologizing to do and make amends, if you’re going to continue the relationship. Trust takes time to rebuild tho.
keep looking around for things that are off. I have a hunch she is only giving you information that you can already figure out on your own and then spinning it. something is off here or she would have told you before you even came home about the whole thing.
trickle truthing begins….
A girl slept in the bed, then there was also a guy, they only kissed, afterwards there was another guy, it was just the tip,…
Dude, not cool. Respect is the foundation of any relationship and she clearly crossed a line. Bringing peeps home, letting them crash in ur bed? Major red flags IMO. You didn’t accuse her of cheating, you’re just connecting the dots. Her defensiveness is suspect tbh. Address the issue upfront. She broke ur trust and needs to own up. Simple as that. Idk, I smell a rat fam. Hang in there bro. + communicate! It works wonders. Trust your gut.
tang must be really good to not immediately RUN AWAY. (She’s not honest with you now, which means you can *never* trust her. EVER.
You believe her?? 100%, thats not what happened.
Dude, that’s MAD sus. Not gonna lie, I’d be hella pissed. Bringing randos into ur space like that? Not cool at all. Plus the lying part, she straight-up did you dirty. You gotta have a serious chat, broski. Trust’s a 2-way street. This ain’t about accusing or anything – it’s about respect & honesty. Stand your ground, man. Not an easy situation, but you deserve answers. Hope it works out, mate. A bit of advice – ‘Keep your eyes open, but heart guarded.’ 🙌🏼
Golden rule: You only withhold the truth when the truth will hurt.
So?
Check the trash 🗑️
If she won’t tell you the truth, go to the bar. You might find answers. Or ask her friends, often friends tell others when they cheat(or the friends find out) and some friends might have a conscience and feel bad enough to tell you.
It doesn’t look good, situationally it sounds like she’s cheating, in an orgy in fact. If that is the case, I am very sorry.
So first i would leave her. Next go get yourself checked just incase. Then block her and move on its not worth it.
If her story was true and nothing happened she would have been upfront from the start while texting or talking to you while you were away instead she tried to hide it all and deny it then tries to confess some innocent story she flat out cheated on you im 99.99% sure and it may not have been the first time
Well before you start sniffing her underwear you might want to file for a divorce
I’m only sorry that she feels so guarded that she can’t tell you the truth why is that.
Someone had a a train to pick up while you were away
> She said she went to the bar alone because she was lonely and looking for some connection
Okay well what do you think this means for your relationship in the future if this has already happened once?
Literally break up with her immediately.
Well, she either had a lesbian encounter or another guy
Check her phone. What partner would bring a load of strangers back to your home. For on it is dangerous, she could have been raped, they could have stole from you both or caused damage. A Bad decision and why did she lie. You need to talk properly about what happened in detail. She sounds full of guilt to me. The trust may already be gone in your relationship. will she do it again? did she take drugs? How hard did she party? Her behaviour is not one of a loving partner. By lonely she means any man or woman will do? Why didn’t she phone you? Too many questions.
Ain’t nobody I met for the first time at s bar and the invite to my house. Let alone 4 ppl.
It was not 4 ppl, that is a lie to seem less suspicious. There was no girls… Come on man, you know this
She’s giving you a bullshit story after the fact. If it was as innocent as she is trying to make you believe, she would have had no probkem giving the full story from the onset.
She’s adding lie after lie to fill in the obvious gaps
Be done with her quick
Bro the whole “she went to the bar alone cause she was lonely” thing is already sus as hell, but then bringing 4 random people back to ur place?? And somehow one of them “had” to sleep in your bed? Nah man that dont add up at all. Plus the fact she washed the sheets before you got home tells you everything you need to know tbh. If it was really innocent why lie about it in the first place? Trust ur gut on this one, something definitely went down that weekend
Took her a while to mention the “girl” slept in her/your bed – in fact, she had to leave the room to get her wits together. Smells fishy to me……
She 10000000 percent cheated on you. There wasn’t strangers at the house (as in plural) she brought a dude back to the house
She cheated on you
If this truly happened she would of told u first thing, use your gut feelings more than she said happened sorry but I went thru some same circumstances and found out later it was
Washing the sheets that is the big kicker 🤒
Go eat ur girl out and lemme know how the dude tastes
Normal people would have said “hey I met some cool people and we hung out here” they don’t omit facts or try to hide the fact that it happened. She’s feeling the guilt of her actions and trying to push the guilt onto you so she get away with it. Don’t waste anymore time with her. Cut your losses find someone more deserving of your time and energy .
Does anything say or did come off as remotely rational of what a regular person would do?
You know what you have to do. She’s cheating on you. And she is a liar.
You know what she did deep down. Thats why you posted this OP. You know what she did, the sheets being washed alone are a blaring red alarm that she did something in bed. Trust your gut.
She will never be “the one”. You can’t trust someone who would lie about something like this.
Don’t allow someone to make a fool outta you.
She be fuckin’, you be simpin’.
OP, time to realize she’s full of shit.
All the lies. It’s called trickle truth and you’re falling for it.
You’ve already uncovered enough and heard enough to know she is lying, and changing the sheets? Come on fella, you know she slept with someone in that bed and it wasn’t a girl.
She’s lying.
She cheated man. Don’t be so naive.
She cheated bro. Your wife is also lying to you and you know it. Use your head
A little over defending. You didn’t even say directly she cheated. Sounds pretty much like feelings of guilt to me. Or with the crying trying to distract you and trying to give you feelings of guilt.
I can’t say 100% but why would she not tell you if it really was that platonic?
There is too much off. I’d say more than 95% chance she cheated. May it be from alcohol or drrugs doesn’t really matter.
But even if nothing happed. Huge breach of trust.
Even if unintentional, she would have told you by herself.
“Hey, …. I have to tell you sth. This and this happened. I swear, nothing happened. I just want you to know.”
A relationship is built on trust. She’ll just pull of same thing MOST LIKELY another time.
I could never trust a person who does that.
Plus I doubt you’d write it here if your guts told you nothing happened. Listen to them.
Don’t think about her crying and her cries. It just distraction. Or guilt. Kinda try to let it fade out of your mind. Focus on the situation and what happened.
Another perspective, FWIW. I am twice your age. My parents went through a bitter and violent divorce in the 80s when I was a kid. And TBH, I am grateful for it. It was a bad marriage and their divorce taught me, don’t stay in something unhealthy.
Perhaps as a result, I waited until my mid 30s before I got married to an amazing woman my same age who also had some challenging life experiences. Frankly she also had some great marriage proposals before her and I met that she didn’t accept because they weren’t true love for her. We just recently celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary and we are still very much in love and committed to being on each other’s team.
You and your girlfriend have been together since you were 19. As patronizing as this may sound to you now, you guys may just need some time to find out who you are apart from one another. It is conceivable based on your current ages that, God willing, you could live easily into the triple digits. The idea that you have found your forever mate by now may or may not be totally realistic.
I agree, the evidence sounds like she is not telling you everything. But real love is wanting the best for each other, not the best for you. I’m not trying to diminish your relationship, but maybe it’s time to consider you both might need to learn and grow and explore. You have a lot of life ahead of you. As the old cliche goes: if you love someone, set them free. If they return to you it is meant to be. If not, they were never yours to begin with.
Her drunk new girlfriend left some nicotine dip pouches in the trash along with her rack of store-bought alcohol containers. At least I know my girlfriend’s full of bull and if I question her on it I’m only going to get gas lit. I’d say either don’t give a flying f or go to the other direction and find a Puritan. Or there’s the option of pressing the issue and getting lied to your face and believing it.
She cheated on you. This is trickle truthing 100%. Keep digging and more will come out. I guarantee it.
I was going to say check the trash for a condom, but I don’t think they used one
Give us an update on what happens…
Please tell me you don’t actually believe this…
TL;DR: Get a UV light and recreate an image of the party in your mind !!
Everything points to her picking up a stranger from the bar and shagging them in your bed. I think you know this is what probably happened.
She didn’t wash the sheets “because some girl” slept in your guy’s bed… She washed the sheets because they smelled like sex..
You’re in denial bud.. sorry.
Also the tape?? Nah dude was there longer than a night. I hate to be brutally honest but I’d wager a good amount she had a multi day “freak off”
Sounds like and after at your house and probably some dick sucking in your bed.
You should probably take the bed outside and put it on fire when she is away, tell her you found what looks like pubic lice in the whole bed and see her reaction.
For me having people over, and being up front about it – no big deal
Lying about it – very, very big deal
The fact you didn’t mention cheating, she did. That’s enough for you to realize you know what she did. She knows what she did. Now it’s just a matter of what you’re going to actually do about it
Nah my guy says she wouldn’t bring strangers home. There’s at least one lie here
Every fucking step of this scenario has been her lying and you just eat it up.
“Ohhh yeee baby, it’s fine. I understand now why you let “4” random mofos in our house and lied about it at every chance until I refused to drop it. I’m sorry for not trusting you.”
Communicate clearly with her, if you aren’t happy with the answers she provides, or believe your gut then leave.
You already know what to do I bet.
She is cheating bro.
So you’ve checked the trash but did you count the odd drinks, does it add up to four people. Is 2 guys and 2 girls include your gf? Or was it 3 girls and 2 guys. Either way if a girl went to bed it was a couples night.
If she cheated enough to clean up the bed why did she not cover her tracks better? The trash etc.?
Why is she getting so upset she’s on the couch? Generally people who are innocent will respond with anger and relegate you to the couch.
Either way offer her a chance to talk. Otherwise you can’t live with someone who invites strangers into your home and can’t be alone for three days. Also this is a way to establish a boundary incase she’s innocent. This gives you both time and space to let time do it’s thing.
This will allow you to watch what she does with that space, if she’s that needy and cheated she’ll be that guys problem and you’ll know. Or she’ll be fighting to get the status quo back and again you’ll know but will just have to trust.
Tbh she sounds immature and I think that’s truly what you need to pay attention to over everything else. After all it all starts there, with immaturity.
Updateme
You know what happened here, I know it sucks but we still have to deal with it. Deal with it quickly and start putting yourself back together, move her out, block her and move on. She has gone from a life partner to a life lesson. Sorry this happened to you bro
The girl who stayed over was called Leroy.
Incoming confession – if she has any heart
Even if her story is true, and she has been faithful, her actions were extremely dangerous. To herself and potentially you.
What if the 2 gentlemen turned out to be not so gentlemanly. She could have been assaulted, raped and murdered, left for you to find when you arrived home.
They could have scoped the place to rob at a later time, come back thinking its just her in the house, and you get caught up in it.
Also, you dont go to the bar looking for a connection like she said she was looking for a connection. She was looking to be the connection.
“Sort of accusing”
?
If you need to ask questions to rule out the possibility, then you think that there is a possibility. This means you don’t trust her, which means that you shouldn’t be with her, regardless of who she may or may not have had over after the bar.
The sad truth is that she brought another man into your bed, trust was betrayed and your relationship is over.
Her story is not true.
You have one thing going for you here, she is a girlfriend and not your wife. Be so thankful for that little blessing.
I feel 99% certainty she cheated, the leftover 1% is probably something equally as bad.
You should 100% breakup with her immediately. Don’t have unprotected sex with her again, you didn’t find any condoms in the trash it seems…so she got raw dogged.
The fact you didn’t demand her phone after all this evidence amazes me, but you do you. Ignorance is not bliss with a cheating partner. She will be putting you in all kinds of danger as she continues to cheat.
If you can’t just walk away, you need to get into her phone, talk to the friend she supposedly was with (although she my cover for her) and its a good time to talk to your neighbors. They may have seen or heard something.
At 26 yrs old you are too old to buy this shit story she told you. You know it, she lied and did something in that bed with someone that was not you.
There is no do over button, what she did is done, your relationship as you knew it is over. have some self-respect and walk away. Every moment you spend going forward with her now is time wasted. You are cheating yourself out of happiness, and as you wallow in denial, somewhere out there is a girl that is wanting and waiting for someone like you…you are cheating that girl of a good man, while staying with a cheater.
Hope you didn’t give a smooch after she gave a bj
She cheated, send her back to the streets!
Girl fucked a guy or guys in your bed. Time to get a new girl and a new bed
She cheated dude. Sorry, but you’re better off knowing now
Look at the name and profile. This is just creative writing by either someone really bored or an AI.
Biggest cheater ive ever met but will tear you apart for seeking truth
Why didn’t you accuse her of cheating though.
Like come on. She should fess up names and you should call these people to collab.
Liars don’t get to dictate the terms. She lied to you, you caught her red handed so she handed you the bare minimum and more lies.
She still hasn’t come clean so it’s up to you if you want to collab this story or not. Allowing this just gives her more power for next time that she can cry her way out of something she got herself into.
It’s early relationship- better to set boundaries now than later. And the most obvious boundary of them all – which so many people just accept is “never lie to me” and in exchange for that you will be honest and open and not be upset but it doesn’t mean you have to say yes either.
You know she cheated. If not, let me break it to you: She banged another guy in your bed while you were gone. The only question is…was it more than one?
I think what we know for a fact is that a) she only confessed after confronted with overwhelming evidence b) she’s trickling out the story, seemingly making it up along the way c) at least one dude was there because of the chew d) someone slept in the bed e) she changed the sheets, unusually and f) KT tape can be used for kinks.
I’m calling her out on her bullshit. She’s gaslighting and manipulating the crap out of you.
My poor boy.. Open your eyes. She cheated on you.
She cheated
“… but if her story is true”.
You can’t be serious.
Bro you know what the signs point to and this point it’s pretty obvious.
First she lied about who she was with and what she did. Then she makes up an extra part of the story, where one of the girls slept at yours, without you even asking, if someone did. Her changing the sheets is extra telling tbh. I don’t think the gender of who “only slept” in your bed is relevant.
Did you check the trashcan in the bathroom? She seems dumb/inexperienced enough that she would forget to empty that.
She told you what she did by saying what she didn’t do. She outed herself without you ever accusing her of anything. I have come to see a pattern within people when they tell you the won’t hurt you ever but do just that, or when they tell you that they’d never lie to you but end up doing so. You just questioned her what happened and she just tells you she didn’t cheat? That is her confessing without confessing my dude.
I know the betrayal is hard, but it will only be worse if you treat her like you believe her cause then it will tell her that she can get away with it in the future.. and this won’t be the last time. The fact that she can’t wait for you to come back for a few days but feels that lonely to hold a secret behind your back and sleep with someone? that is insane. If you were a soldier and was gone for 6 months to a year, I’d be able to understand her loneliness (but cheating would still be wrong).. but just a few days? The girl has no respect for you or herself.
If all of this was innocent she would’ve called you like a normal person and said, “hey I invited few people over from the bar and we’re just chilling” she’d probably send photos throughout the night etc.. but having to cover things up, crying (obviously cause she was caught), making excuses? You already know.. you’re just not willing to face it yet. This one belongs to the streets.
The 1st red flag is she going to the bar alone, girls rarely do that – she already planned to meet someone there. All the items you found are men-related.
About the other girl that supposedly slept over, let her show you her socials & then contact her.
Or you can save yourself the trouble and accept that she totally had dick while you were away —– and that she probably already knew the guy before that godforsaken night…
Ether karma farming, engagement baiting, or completely pointless. Assuming it’s real, you know exactly what she did and exactly what you should do about it. Sucks but it’ll suck for longer if you don’t cut her off right away.
Run from that girl, she’s lying 100%. She cant keep her story straight. She’s crying out of guilt and is using the imaginary accusation of cheating as her reason for crying. Run like yesterday dude.
Another thing, Run.
Scary
In one of you posts you are a F and in this one you a M???? Doesnt add up
OP I lied about something big before (not cheating) and everytime anybody would ask questions that almost exposed me I’d have the same reaction as your GF ai I’d become angry and invent some of the most creative scenarios that I never would have imagined otherwise, then finish it up with the famous “I can’t believe you think I’m capable of such thing”. Just saying
Shouldn’t have let her leave the room.
Shouldn’t have moved in with a woman you’re not married to.
Shouldn’t be fornicating in the first place.
Dude…she didn’t even empty the trash. Break up, STD test, the whole drill.
Since when had such a good time at the bar, go back there with her to meet her new friends!
So you meet people that night and invite total strangers into your home. 2 girls and 2 guys. I would assume they were couples. A girl gets sick, but her beau doesn’t take her home. Instead she stays the night with her. The other 3 drive home without her and your girl has to drive her to her car in the morning.
Maybe you are not good at equations, but something ain’t adding up Scooby Doo! Your girl is a liar and a cheat!
Dude. I know you love her but……. If you read this about about someone you don’t know on here. What would you think?
Look at the comments.
She ain’t the one. Save yourself.
Ask her if you could see her phone, unlocked. See how she reacts. You could tell her she could browse your phone too. If she says no and doesn’t let you, let her go. Ya’ll not bf/gf anymore, ya’ll just roommates to her now. Hopefully the home is under your name, so you could kick her out. If not, time to move out and move on. Sorry and good luck. Trust your gut feeling! Her “crying” is a tactic most liars and cheaters use as a distraction.
Dude she totally got laid
You already know what she did. I’m sorry bro.
Dude, you need to immediately stop any communication and never talk to her again. Leave or make her leave and finish story. You’re only 26 so you will recover shortly, don’t worry about that. In no scenario continuing with her will make things better. It’s impossible and immediately stop the denial and start the recovering process
Lying by omission.
Classic sign of cheating and hoping you don’t find out.
If she’s saying it was girls and guys?
It’s just guys and no girls, possibly just one guy.
Whole bunch of shows?
They were definitely cuddling and watching em together. (I’d probably want to clean that couch)
Sheets changed?
She’s getting rid of the sex stains.
You know what happened.
She cheated man. Nobody is crying for no reason.
Where did you go when you left?
Someone shoot me if I type out some shit like this and pretend not to know. Have some self respect
She cheated on you, even admitted it in a clumsy way. Kick her out.
Red flag after red flag. The whole story is a lie.