I am 36F, he is 38M. Maybe some relevant details, before I explain today’s specific scenario…?
1) I really dislike feet in general. (The one exception is my kids when they were babies, but I don’t like literally any other feet.) My husband generally understands this, but sometimes he gets upset if his feet are touching me and I move away from them. He says things like “am I that repulsive??” and I reply “YOU are not repulsive, but you know I don’t like feet.” He says “they’re a part of my body and I don’t understand why part of my body bothers you so much.” …but most of the time he just goes with it.
2) I also really dislike the sound of nail biting (it actually makes my teeth hurt to hear it…??) and nail picking. So if he or my kids start picking or biting their nails and I hear the sound of it, it really bothers me and I will immediately ask them to stop.
Ok, so today we were relaxing and just chit-chatting after I got home from work. I’m on the couch and he’s sitting at the dining table (it’s a combined living/dining room space, pretty small). He starts absent mindedly picking at his toes, which is something he does a lot… actually, he picks at them so much that they are constantly ingrown and a toe will typically get infected maybe once or twice a year. Anyway, today I didn’t notice him doing it at first but the sound suddenly made me flinch and when I saw I said “can you stop picking your toes?” which he did.
Then I was talking to one of the kids about something, and wasn’t paying attention to my husband. A few minutes later I noticed that he was now clipping his toenails AT THE TABLE… putting the clipped toenails ON THE TABLE… sitting in my seat that I normally sit in for dinner.
I said “are you seriously putting your toenails on the dining table in my spot??” And he got upset saying “I live here and I can’t even cut my toenails, you don’t like me cutting them on the bed or the couch, you don’t like me cutting them at the table,” etc etc. I’ve asked him to do it in the bathroom instead but he said it’s uncomfortable to do it somewhere without a chair (he is really tall so I could see why it’s hard) and the toilet seat is in a separate tiny space that would be really hard to sit on and cut his toenails.
So okay, fine… bathroom works fine for me but he doesn’t want to cut his toenails there, so I said “at least your desk would be better than this.” We have a side room we use as an office and if he cut his toenails there at his own desk I wouldn’t have a problem. I feel like the kitchen table is the WORST option but he really seemed offended and upset that I would ask him not to do it.
So what do you think… AITA? Should my husband be able to cut his toenails anywhere in the house, even though it grosses me out?
(After I got upset he did spray off the table with cleaning stuff & wipe it down, and he said “I was gonna clean it up,” but idk it still was gross to see it & he was grumpy about it.)
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I am 36F, he is 38M. Maybe some relevant details, before I explain today’s specific scenario…?
I really dislike feet in general. (The one exception is my kids when they were babies, but I don’t like literally any other feet.) My husband generally understands this, but sometimes he gets upset if his feet are touching me and I move away from them. He says things like “am I that repulsive??” and I reply “YOU are not repulsive, but you know I don’t like feet.” He says “they’re a part of my body and I don’t understand why part of my body bothers you so much.” …but most of the time he just goes with it.
I also really dislike the sound of nail biting (it actually makes my teeth hurt to hear it…??) and nail picking. So if he or my kids start picking or biting their nails and I hear the sound of it, it really bothers me and I will immediately ask them to stop.
Ok, so today we were relaxing and just chit-chatting after I got home from work. I’m on the couch and he’s sitting at the dining table (it’s a combined living/dining room space, pretty small). He starts absent mindedly picking at his toes, which is something he does a lot… actually, he picks at them so much that they are constantly ingrown and a toe will typically get infected maybe once or twice a year. Anyway, today I didn’t notice him doing it at first but the sound suddenly made me flinch and when I saw I said “can you stop picking your toes?” which he did.
Then I was talking to one of the kids about something, and wasn’t paying attention to my husband. A few minutes later I noticed that he was now clipping his toenails AT THE TABLE… putting the clipped toenails ON THE TABLE… sitting in my seat that I normally sit in for dinner.
I said “are you seriously putting your toenails on the dining table in my spot??” And he got upset saying “I live here and I can’t even cut my toenails, you don’t like me cutting them on the bed or the couch, you don’t like me cutting them at the table,” etc etc. I’ve asked him to do it in the bathroom instead but he said it’s uncomfortable to do it somewhere without a chair (he is really tall so I could see why it’s hard) and the toilet seat is in a separate tiny space that would be really hard to sit on and cut his toenails.
So okay, fine… bathroom works fine for me but he doesn’t want to cut his toenails there, so I said “at least your desk would be better than this.” We have a side room we use as an office and if he cut his toenails there at his own desk I wouldn’t have a problem. I feel like the kitchen table is the WORST option but he really seemed offended and upset that I would ask him not to do it.
So what do you think… AITA? Should my husband be able to cut his toenails anywhere in the house, even though it grosses me out?
(After I got upset he did spray off the table with cleaning stuff & wipe it down, and he said “I was gonna clean it up,” but idk it still was gross to see it.)
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> 1) I told my husband not to cut his toenails at the kitchen table
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, literally ew
NTA This is disgusting, i would be grossed out by this behavior too. He should cut them on the bathroom.
NTA, he should keep that shit to the bathroom or maybe the bedroom
NTA
In your spot, at the table you eat food from. Yuck.
Feels like he’s trying to make a point.
I think you need a better compromise. Maybe designate a particular towel as the toenail cutting towel, so that he can do what he needs in comfort on your bed. Maybe an old beach towel that can’t be confused with anything else. Maybe hang something on the door knob so that you won’t walk in on the horror!
It’s no fun feeling excluded in your own home.
NAH
You have to give him somewhere that he agrees to for dealing with his nails. Otherwise it’s just not fair. It is a hygiene issue for him, and if the bathroom doesn’t work, he does need another option.
It is up to you to deal with your own ick. Sorry.
It is up to him to be cognizant of your discomfort and not be cruel about it – you (plural) are married after all.
I agree that the kitchen (especially table and counters) is not a place for feet, regardless of what they’re doing.
Personally, I would have a problem with the bedroom bed, but that’s me. Could see allowing it with a towel as someone else suggested. Mostly because stray clippings could be nasty to people sleeping. You don’t want one finding a sensitive region or ending up on a pillow, for example. And they’re awful when clippings get lodged in carpet.
His office might be the best suggestion.
I’d negotiate cleaning up post-clipping as well. Not just for him, but for everyone. Don’t single him out.
Good luck.
That’s disgusting NTA
He can put his leg up on the edge of the tub, lean down, and clip them into the tub. Like… Ew.
NTA.
NTA, why would he do that in the kitchen table
YTA. You are a hysterical germaphobe.
Even if you had a foot fetish, that is nasty as hell.
Yeah, at the dinner table is a NO. Especially ON the table. Wouldn’t mind if he did it into a mini trash can like you keep in your bathroom. Cleaned up or not.
NTA
It has always puzzled me that people cut their toenails on any other spot than the toilet after a shower. That is when they are soft and easy to cut?
YTA – he stopped picking at your request and switched to clipping, you’ve forbidden him from doing it on the couch or bed so he had limited options, sure he coulda done it at his desk but he shouldn’t have to take his brain to figure out the least offensive-to-you way to groom himself, unless you don’t eat off plates it’s not actually unhygienic for him to put them on the table, and I have to point out at least he was collecting the clippings to throw out after instead of just letting them fall on the floor. Poor guy is walking on eggshells. If you weren’t around he could just keep nail clippers on his bedside table and groom himself as part of his nightly routine in bed like I do, you’re kinda making his life harder (at least in this arena)
The face I made at this might be stuck forever tbh [insert Nick turtle face from New Girl].
NTA. That’s fucking disgusting regardless of how you feel about feet in general.
NTA. Asking for grooming activities that result in waste to be performed away from places you eat is pretty reasonable. I wouldn’t brush my hair in the kitchen or at the table either.
Mine rips his off in the car… not his car, MY car. And I find these little nasties all the time I can’t stand it
NTA. Ok, maybe you’re a little intolerant. But even though I have clipped my toenails while sitting at the kitchen table several times – and I acknowledge that some people would find that a bit gross – there’s no way I would place the clippings on the table. I place a tissue on the floor and the clippings go in that, so I can wrap it all up and put it in the garbage.
So if a gross kitchen-table-nail-clipper like me is grossed out by the thought of putting clippings on the table, then I have to say in all fairness that you’re NTA.
Disgusting
NTA feet are gross! Can you get a little stool for the bathroom? I have a plastic IKEA step stool from when my kid was little that I keep in the bathroom. It’s tall enough to sit on for clipping toenails but small enough to fit in the corner out of the way when it’s not needed.
I was pulling carpet out of my bedroom recently and there were so many old toenail clippings underneath, which is extra gross because my family only clips in the bathroom and we’ve lived here for over ten years. It was a very unpleasant experience in many ways.
In my opinion: NTA
Wtf ewww.
NTA
I live in a polish neighborhood and these “men” clip their nails out in the backyard- in full view and earshot of every other neatly lined backyard next to it.
I wish the problem were only with one “man”.
Utterly disgusting; should be done in the bathroom, and nowhere else.
NTA. That hygiene and grooming routines should be taken care of in the bathroom.
Your husband needs to see a podiatrist to get his nasty feet and nails looked after and then he can go get a pedicure on a regular basis.