Me (23F) and my boyfriend (32M) have been together for 2 years. At the start of our relationship, his mom sideswiped my car pretty badly. He told me she was putting $1000 in savings for me to fix it. Two years later, my car is still not fixed.
Since then, we moved in together. I had to stop working for health reasons, so he offered to take over bills and support me and my dog.
He’s been supportive in many ways, but one big issue is that when problems come up, his first instinct is often to lie. I’ve told him how much that damages my trust, but it keeps happening.
Recently, his mom was visiting. When the topic of my car came up, she looked shocked. She said she thought I was saving money for it because my boyfriend told her we made an agreement: he’d pay my bills so I could save for the car. That was never true, and I never agreed to it. He even told me his mom is got a $1000 bonus and put it away for the car, which wasn’t real.
Now he’s been avoiding me, and I haven’t confronted him yet about knowing the truth. I love him, but l’ve lost a lot of trust. I can’t afford to live alone right now (still in college, no job yet), so leaving feels impossible. But I also don’t feel okay being treated this way.
What should my next move be? How do I handle this situation?
AITAH for expecting my car to be fixed even though my boyfriend has paid the bills for over a year?
Comments
This isn’t really about the car anymore it’s about trust. If he lies this easily, that’s a red flag you shouldn’t ignore. Btw YNTA
Sounds like he set this up on purpose tbh.
YTA for dating someone 9 years older than you while you were under 21
Huge age gap – ✅
Financially dependent on bf – ✅
Momma’s boy – ✅
Liar, emotional abusive – ✅
He’s a dream!
NTA but it will never be fixed. And your bf is a walking red flag. Please don’t have babies with him.
I guess you see now why a 30 year old was dating a 20 year old.
ESH….Boyfriend for lying. Mom for not paying to have your car fixed.
You, your boyfriend is paying all of the bills. Because you cannot work? You have nothing coming in? This was two years ago and it was not brought up at any time since then? You did not sit down and lay out a plan? Everyone seems to be going by assumptions here. While I think mom should still be liable for the damage, it was two years ago. You have lived with it for two years. You are not paying a dime right now.
Your next move should be to get a job and get out.
nta, you can tell him to pay for the car repair
You’ve put yourself in a situation where you’re 100% reliant on him for support. And he’s a liar. Tough spot.
And from his perspective, he’s likely supported you way more than $1,000 worth, which sounds like it’s true. Probably in fact way more than the cost of repairing your car.
The reason people are roasting you about the age difference is because older men date and control younger women, because women their own age won’t put up with their bullshit.
So ask yourself if he got hit by a truck tomorrow, what would you do? And do that. Might be tough for a while, but you’ll be better off in the long run.
🚩🚩
I will guarantee you if he died you’d be on the street. You need to date people in your own age category and possibly get therapy to undo the fallacy you live in where relationships like this are the norm.
Sounds like he is taking care of all your bills so I would just be quiet. You say you can’t afford to live alone right now. If you had a job I bet you would have already told him you wanted his mom to pay for it. But you know that you are dependent on him so you can’t. This is a don’t bite the hand that feeds you situation.
Are you a sugarbaby? Stopped working at just 23 cause of “health issue” are so bad you cant work. He pays all the bills older man.
Or did he prey on a young naive vulnerable young women with “health issues” that he could mould and train to his liking?
Why wasn’t it reported to insurance?
Depending on how far you are away from graduation and a job, I’d think about riding it out. If you can.
What’s the point of confronting an habitual liar? So he can lie more?
Think of it like if you didn’t get along with your parents but you were underage. You’d stick it out until you were 18 then leave.
If I couldn’t support myself at the moment, I’d just let him think I believe his ridiculous lies. Then, boom. Drop the hammer at the time of your choosing.
Think of this time as good practice for when you’re working. You’ll have to act and pretend stuff all the time. Like: why yes, dear boss, I do think your new policy is great.” lol
>he offered to take over bills and support me and my dog.
How much do you think he has subsidized you by since you stopped working? Probably more than $10,000 since its been over a year. You may not want to bite the hand that feeds you to get your (duly owed) 1k from his mother.
As for the habitual lying, I wouldn’t put up with it, but I wouldn’t make it about the 1k.
I think that yntah. But really got to choose your battles here. Taking care of you, your dog, paying all the bills. And you’re focusing on the car. I mean you can keep fighting this and have to pay your own bills and get your car fixed. But sounds like you would win the battle and lose the war. I think after one year you’ve been given way more than what you’ve lost.
Can his mum afford 50 pounds a month.
20 x 50 = 1000
I will be honest with you. Your car will be damaged until you pay out of your pocket.
Your boyfriend has given his mum a get a jail of card and he will just keep avoiding the issue
NTA
If you wanna feel a little better about it, consider how much of your bills he’s paying and put it towards what is owed. You’ve probably been “paid back” many times over.
If you wanna feel a lot better about it, know that you’re in a financially controlling relationship with an older man who is taking advantage of you, loves to lie, is probably banging someone younger than you are, and proceed accordingly.
Good luck getting out, hopefully sooner than later.
Hey I see you arguing with a lot of comments in here, but they are saying something you should consider at least, explain why you see so defensive to those comments? If I were you I’d gtfo and find a better start in life.
leave
Girl you are 24. Ride it out until you are back on your feet and dump him. He has character traits not worth the headache in the future
Yup, this is why you don’t date guys in their 30s when you’re still in your teens or early 20s. Be thankful you learned the lesson while you’re still in your early 20s.
You’re basically a brass OP. And you’re absolutely deluded if you think generations of his family would take care of you should the worst happen.
Like, seek help deluded.
If there’s no trust you can’t stay in this relationship. Run away. Get a job and don’t be dependant on him.
My ex did that to me except I still worked. He just wants to control and manipulate you. You’re young and naive and they look for girls just like you to groom them into thinking this is ok in a relationship. Run, move out, do what you got to do cause the longer you stay with him is the more you’ll accept it, then suddenly you’ll end up feeling like it’s hard to breathe even though you have all the air in the world.
Yeah, this. NTA. The lying and avoidance aren’t just about the car, they show a bigger pattern. The age gap makes it easier for him to brush off responsibility and harder for you to call it out.
>AITAH for expecting my car to be fixed even though my boyfriend has paid the bills for over a year?
In a vacuum, yes I’d say just consider it even and move on.
However, the issue seems to be more about trust than the money itself. Not only is he lying to you, he’s also lying to his mom. I don’t think that’s likely to change any time soon. So it’s time to reconsider your relationship, I hope you have a support system to help you move out of this arrangement.
You need to make a goal to be financially independent and take care of yourself first. From someone who knows.
YTA to yourself for being silly enough to have continued and still continue this relationship with someone you openly call a liar… someone else also said this, reread your post, then reread your defense of him and maybe you’ll see how ridiculous you sound. Please open your eyes and treat yourself better
After watching the end results of a marriage of similar traits with some family members and their kids. Honestly, take care of yourself, and get out of this relationship. The 1000 car repair cost is nothing compared to the hundreds of thousands this relationship will cost when the lies all come unraveled in the future because they only get bigger. Seek therapy, you’ll need it.
Just leave him. He has been lying to you this whole time and there can be no love without trust. He clearly does not love you
What’s up? Broad didn’t have insurance?
Sue her for the damages. Dump the liar.
How much longer do you have before you finish school?
Boy are his pants on fire.
I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but sounds like you are a financial burden. Now that’s not to say he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to be with you, but if you weren’t there financially things would be cheaper. Not tons because he’s still going to pay for the majority of what he uses anyway. But if you’re there, there is a increase in financial stability required that is a financial burd
As far as the car goes, report it to (her) car insurance and/or file a police report to pursue a civil case against her, as she is the one who did the damage. That’s probably the only way that will get fixed.
But… You’re completely dependent on your bf and that’s no good. Illness or not, disability or not, a person is responsible for themselves and you’ve set yourself up to be relying on him. That’s no good for anyone, and it puts him in a position to treat you however he wants because you have nowhere else to go. You need to gain some independence, which only happens with your own income.
He obviously shouldn’t have lied but he’s not wrong. He’s supported you financially for a year. $1k is a drop in the bucket comparatively. You should let it go. You sound pretty ungrateful tbh.
NTA. Everyone in these comments is just convincing themselves it couldn’t happen to them. Making fun of a young girl for ending up with an older guy and in the SAME sentence stating that said guy preys on younger girls? Yeah, no, welcome to 2025 where victims exist. If everyone was born knowing everything then nothing bad would ever happen.
OP had a job she could work but they closed the company. It is HARD to get a job that can meet the needs of an ill or disabled person. Why do you think you see so many elderly working at Dollar Trees, etc? It’s not because they have fun doing it. It’s because it’s who is willing to hire someone with needs.
That being said, you did get yourself in a sticky situation.
My advice would be to get another job when possible, hopefully some at home or otherwise accessible job for you. I have a 100lbs pitbull as well, it’s hard to even find companies willing to groom her or let her go to events, I haven’t tried finding new living arrangements with her but I’m sure it would be very difficult.
Start saving some money each paycheck, doesn’t have to be the whole paycheck, but open an account and start saving at least some.
Do not get pregnant. Do not get pregnant. Do not get pregnant. Do not get pregnant.
This whole time be actively searching for higher paying jobs that can support you and your dog.
Move out when you have enough saved into somewhere accessible, this is NOT a quick fix but truly I don’t think there’s a safe and quick fix option. I think you should buckle up and prepare for a lot of prep time. Get out when you can safely.
This guy is not who you think he is, coming from someone who used to think it was cool to be with an older guy. A lot of red flags in his behavior and no most people do not act the way he does.
Yikes! 23 and 32?
I bet you told your mom to stfu because. you’re capable of making your own decision. Howz that working for you? This man ain’t no kinda “friend”.
Cringe as fuck age gap yikes
NTA and your next move is to dump him. You can’t afford to live on your own? So? You’re 23. Most people your age have roommates for cost-sharing. Find one.
Girl…you are setting yourself up to be dependent on an untrustworthy man. Why? Get back on your feet. Sort your health issue out, get a job and support yourself. Otherwise you’re stuck being lied to and disrespected. And that won’t be the worst of it. This is deeply unhealthy. You deserve better.
Oh sweet summer child, gtfo. Nta.
While your boyfriend made a little fib, I dont think you should be too hard for something his mother did. The mom is probably broke as a joke(she sounds like an idiot), and he doesn’t want to end up paying for it.
But, hey….I’ll be blunt here. If you feel like you should leave him because of the small lies here and there, that’s fine. He is not going to stop doing it. Once a liar always a liar.
But you’re in college. Juggling school with starting some garbage minimum wage job to stay afloat living alone in an apartment with health problems and a dog, will be expensive and hard.
This guy is paying for everything(besides the sideswiped car damage). I’m assuming you’re almost done with school?
I advise you be a bit of a villain here. Wait it out: NO RAGRETS. Take advantage of this situation to get yourself over the finish line. Once you graduate and find a new career in the field you’re studying for, THAT’S when you break it off and say “bon voyage dork!”. It’s a cutthroat world out there, and as a woman, you should do whatever it takes to WIN. This boyfriend doesn’t beat on you or mentally abuse you or anything, so you can ride it out. Just a little lie now and then. I mean look, he’s avoiding you about it. Very passive individual.
You’ll have PLENTY of years to find a new potential future husband and start a family. You can wait awhile.
Go out there and WIN OP!
Men who are 30 date 20-year-olds because women their age won’t put up with their bullshit. Trust me, I learned the hard way as well. Please run away from this man and his mother. These people aren’t fit to be in a relationship with you unless you tolerate it.