So I (28F) carpool sometimes with my friend ‘L’ (29F). We work at the same company but different departments. Originally it was just a favor here and there, but lately she;s started acting like its my duty to drive her every morning.
The problem is that she’s never ready on time. I’ll text her that I’m outside and then sit there for 15-20 minutes while she finishes getting ready. I’ve tried leaving later, I’ve tried telling her I need to go early, it doesn’t matter she always keeps me waiting. On top of that she’s never once pitched in for gas, I don’t expect a ton but I feel like if someone’s driving you every day, tossing them a c ouple bucks here and there is just common courtesy. Instead she’ll complain about how expensive gas is for her… While I’m the one filling up my tank every week.
Last week I had a really important meeting with my boss. I told L the night before that I couldn’t be late, sure enough I get there and she says she’ll be out in 2 minutes and 15 minutes later she comes running out. By the time I parked at workI had to sprint across the building and walked into the meeting sweaty and out of breath. I wasn’t late but it wasn’t ag ood look.
So yesterday when she texted me asking if I’m still giving her a ride tomorrow I said that I can’t keep waiting around every morning and that she’ll need to figure out her own ride, she blew up at me saying I was being dramatic and selfish that it was only a few minutes and I should be more understanding since gas is too expensive for her right now.
I understand she’s going through a rough patch, but honestly I feel like my time (and gas money) are worth something too. I don’t think it’s fair that she treats me like her personal UBer driver, so AITA?
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So I (28F) carpool sometimes with my friend ‘L’ (29F). We work at the same company but different departments. Originally it was just a favor here and there, but lately she;s started acting like its my duty to drive her every morning.
The problem is that she’s never ready on time. I’ll text her that I’m outside and then sit there for 15-20 minutes while she finishes getting ready. I’ve tried leaving later, I’ve tried telling her I need to go early, it doesn’t matter she always keeps me waiting. On top of that she’s never once pitched in for gas, I don’t expect a ton but I feel like if someone’s driving you every day, tossing them a c ouple bucks here and there is just common courtesy. Instead she’ll complain about how expensive gas is for her… While I’m the one filling up my tank every week.
Last week I had a really important meeting with my boss. I told L the night before that I couldn’t be late, sure enough I get there and she says she’ll be out in 2 minutes and 15 minutes later she comes running out. By the time I parked at workI had to sprint across the building and walked into the meeting sweaty and out of breath. I wasn’t late but it wasn’t ag ood look.
So yesterday when she texted me asking if I’m still giving her a ride tomorrow I said that I can’t keep waiting around every morning and that she’ll need to figure out her own ride, she blew up at me saying I was being dramatic and selfish that it was only a few minutes and I should be more understanding since gas is too expensive for her right now.
I understand she’s going through a rough patch, but honestly I feel like my time (and gas money) are worth something too. I don’t think it’s fair that she treats me like her personal UBer driver, so AITA?
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> 1) I refused to drive my colleague to work
2) shes having a rough patch
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
No gas money (what an insult) AND can’t be on time…
No rides for you.
NTA OP.
The fact that she doesn’t appreciate you helping her already, and her keeping you waiting for 15-20 minutes on a daily basis just means she is taking advantage of you OP.
You deserve to be treated by your friend, and she should also be more respectful of your time.
NTA but honestly, why didn’t you leave on time regardless of whether she’s come out or not? I know that feels like a big step that would leave her hustling but that’s the natural consequence she needs. You’ve taught her it doesn’t matter whether she’s on time or not. You’ve quietly accepted her BS and have now drawn a perfectly reasonable line, but you need to take a bit of ownership about how severe this got because you never chose to just leave on time.
NTA. Time waits for no man or woman. She’s being inconsiderate and entitled.
Stop waiting for her. If she is not ready when you arrive to pick her up you leave her stranded. She will only learn this way. If you give in and wait, she owns you. Just put an end to it, by not waiting even a minute.
NTA. She is an adult who can arrange (and pay for) her own transportation.
It is beyond disrespectful that she can’t be on time and doesn’t acknowledge that you are paying for gas. It is an expected thing that she should drive you sometimes if you’re carpooling, or pay for gas.
Don’t give her a ride again. It’s not worth risking your time, finances, and reputation at work.
This happens all the time. Don’t drive anyone anywhere unless it’s family (and even then there are exceptions).
Absolutely NTA! This “friend” is very much taking advantage of you, and then to have the audacity to “blow up” when you cut off her free ride after repeatedly trying to address the issues… yeah no they are the AH in thos situation
NTA
I mean I really don’t feel like this needs explaining…
If she can’t give you the time of day to be ready on time, then you don’t need to give her the time of day to take her to work. Her thinking gas is too expensive is a personal problem.
NTA you are getting absolutely nothing out of this arrangement other than being made late
NTA – Tell her you are tied of waiting 15-20 minutes every time. Plus gas is expensive and the extra driving is adding up.
ESH: she should be on time, chip in and shouldn’t have expected a daily thing but, you also allowed it to become daily and it doesn’t sound like you’ve actually had a conversation with her.
“I will be leaving at 8:07am from your place, whether you are in the car or not.”
I do not understand refusing to enforce the boundary of timely departure.
“Are you going to pay my rent when I get fired for being late because I waited for you? No? I’m sorry you’re struggling but it’s not my responsibility to give you a ride. I was fine doing you a favor, even though you never once pitched in for gas. I am not fine with you risking my job. If you had managed to be on time after being warned, maybe you’d still have a ride. But since you nearly made me miss an important meeting, that offer is now off the table. Yes, even if you promise to be on time.”
NTA.
NTA
You need to rethink this whole “friend” thing with her, she clearly has no respect for you.
NTA, you helped her and she abused it, bye bye no more rides.
You’re 100% NTA OP.
If I were you, I’d just start warning her that if she wasn’t on time, you’d be leaving by yourself and let her figure out how to get to work.
NTA You have been kind and too patient. I do not see a reason why you let her do this to you, but this is a teachable moment. Never let it happen again.
NTA, She needs to grow up and start acting like an adult.
Just respond that she’s the one being dramatic and selfish and you’re not her ride anymore. Keep that boundary up, she won’t change.
NTA.
Stop driving her – it’s that simple, but I know it’s not that easy when you’re living it.
She’d already be the asshole for her “expectation” that you drive her daily – but then add her lack of financial contributions AND her constantly making you wait? Absolutely NOT.
She’s taking advantage of you and people like this don’t respond to boundaries or reason – they’ll keep taking until you have nothing left to give, and then they’ll make it your fault for that anyway (like you’re seeing here).
“L, I will not be able to keep driving you to work – this arrangement isn’t working for me.”
It’ll probably end the friendship but honestly that sounds like a blessing to you more than anything.
NTA fuck her, she’s the one being dramatic
NTA – I don’t blame you for not offering her a ride at all anymore, but if you’re feeling nice, go back to her and say the conditions in which you will give her a ride. You will be leaving her house by X time and you will charge her $1 for everytime you give her a ride (which is honestly less than you could charge her, but if shes going through a rough time this would be kind of you to do). Adjust time and numbers as needed (or don’t and completely don’t go through the hassle of giving her a ride anymore). The key to this plan is to follow through, unless agreed upon in the moment, you leave at 8:30 (or whatever time), if she gives you no gas money, she stops getting rides.
Could you not just say ‘I will arrive at yours at 7.00am and if you’re not down by 7.05 I’ll will leave’ – that way you’re placing the ball firmly in her court. If you then do that twice and she doesn’t come down on time you can then offer to do it one more time after which, if she doesnt come down on time, you won’t offer a lift as it’s a waste of a detour
Your not a ass hole but you are a dumb ass lol. Bro u give them 5 minutes tops then leave most days they should be waiting at their front door.
NTA but you need to throw a backbone and just tell her flat out, “Going forward I’m no longer able to give you rides” and leave it at that. No is a complete sentence.
You need to tell her that gas is too expensive for you as well. You’re not saving money, so why should you sacrifice your time to give her a ride? Also, tell her she is SELFISH for thinking your time and generosity aren’t as important as her trying to save money.
Nope. NTA. Extremely entitled behavior from a “friend”.
I’d tell her, I’ll be there at x time, be ready. If you’re not ready, you’ll have to find another way. End of story.
” Yes, you should know how expensive gas is considering you’ve never given me a dime. Despite how many rides I’ve given you time and time again, you’ve made me late, and it makes me look bad at my own job. So from now on, you’re gonna have to find your own way to work because your poor planning doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine. “
NTA
NTA
You tell her when to ready in time for and to get in your car by, and what petrol cost donation is that you expect.
If if isn’t ready in time you leave and go to work. Then tell her you waited 5 mins and she didn’t come out, so you’ll give her one more chance to be on time if she wants a lift…
If she doesn’t pay petrol share you stop going via her house.
Simple and clear. Don’t be a mug
If she really wants a lift she will do both
This isn’t your friend. While I understand waiting the first few times, there’s gotta be a limit. For me I’ll give it 3 strikes, then you’re out. And for me it actually doesn’t matter on the why for giving rides and then being made to wait. It doesn’t matter that you’re going to work here, she’s making you late when you’re able to get to the thing you want to do on time.
She’s accusing you of behaving as she is. NTA. Stand firm and don’t give her rides anymore. She’s going to try to convince you, and when she’s late she’s going to blame you. Just keep this saying in mind — when people show you who they are, believe them.
ESH, You need to factor in the price of gas and your time as well. You made the mistake of not setting boundaries and now she is taking advantage. Do the math and figure out a reasonable number for gas per week. Give her a 5 minute window, when you text you’re there, start a timer, at 5 mins you tell her you can’t wait any longer. I bet she will find her own ride or start being on time.
NTA. Uber drivers wouldn’t wait 15 mins either. You get like two minutes with an Uber driver.
ESH – They suck because of the reasons mentioned.
You suck as you allowed all of this to happen. You say “I absolutely must be on time” and then you wait. There is no repercussions if she’s late. You simply wait. I would message from 5 min away saying “be there in 5”. Wait one minute and then I’m gone. Even if they message “be there in 2” . You reply “fine – if you are out the door in 2 minutes, I’m gone.” After 2 min, send message “sorry, couldn’t wait any longer”.
You also let it become every day without gas money. You could ask. You CAN say no. Hell… you had an important meeting – I would have said, “I have a big meeting tomorrow and I’m heading in early, you’ll need to find your own way to work. That’s it. Find your spine.
NTA. Setting boundaries is a good thing. You called her out on her shitty, selfish behavior and she doesn’t like it. Not your problem