I am off work today so I decided I would wash dishes at some point. I moved a bunch of dishes out of the sink and counter into a plastic tub. My wife got mad because I put three reusable to-go coffee cups in the tub. She has this weird thing about putting glasses or cups in the sink. It is especially annoying because she has so much stuff cluttering up the counter, there is barely any room for anything else. Also, for the past several years, any cleaning that gets done, gets done by me. I got annoyed when she fussed and told her that she doesn’t ever wash dishes so she doesn’t need to say anything about how I do them. That’s all it took. We were off to the races! Then as she was leaving for work, she tried to guilt trip me that she was going to be crying during her whole drive. AITA for putting those cups in that tub even though I suspected she would fuss about it?
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I am off work today so I decided I would wash dishes at some point. I moved a bunch of dishes out of the sink and counter into a plastic tub. My wife got mad because I put three reusable to-go coffee cups in the tub. She has this weird thing about putting glasses or cups in the sink. It is especially annoying because she has so much stuff cluttering up the counter, there is barely any room for anything else. Also, for the past several years, any cleaning that gets done, gets done by me. I got annoyed when she fussed and told her that she doesn’t ever wash dishes so she doesn’t need to say anything about how I do them. That’s all it took. We were off to the races! Then as she was leaving for work, she tried to guilt trip me that she was going to be crying during her whole drive.
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Wait, so she wants to just leave dirty dishes… on the counter? Yikes. And gross. NTA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for putting the glasses in the tub even though I knew my wife would see them and knowing about her weird hangup?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If she’s not gonna do the dishes, she doesn’t get to micromanage how you do them. She can either do it her way, or let you do it your way.
I absolutely hates when people put dirty dishes in the sink (in my home) – the only thing allowed in the sink is pots in need of soaking.
And even I think your wife overreacted. NTA
NTA, people that don’t clean should not ever criticize those that do.
If she wants it on her way, tell her to do it herself. This is not OK.
Guilt trip, that’s manipulation.
WTF, either she helps you clean, or she helps to pay a cleaning person.
This is not your issue, it’s hers. Good luck.
NTA
Sounds like she she weird control issues and is using emotional manipulation to get her way when you don’t do what she wants. Therapy if you are bothered to, especially for her.
My partner does most of the cleaning and sometimes I’m bothered by the way he does something, but I normally don’t say anything because I really appreciate him doing so much. I do speak up on occasion if something really bothers me though. I wonder what the reason is for her not wanting them in the sink or a plastic tub. I understand fragile wine glasses can break or chip easily, so maybe that’s why? I would say if nothing’s getting damaged with the way you’re washing them then you should be able to do it however you want. But it might be good to have a conversation to better understand where she’s coming from instead of continuing to fight over this in the future. If it really is that big of a deal, it might be best to just leave them on the counter.
NTA
It sounds like she needs to create drama. I mean, it’s just dishes and you say she doesn’t do them, so… Maybe wait until she’s out of the house before you touch her precious coffee cups. LOL Avoid giving her the chance to be dramatic. Or else simply ignore her antics and laugh it off.
NTA