For context me (28F) and my husband (31M) have been together for 9 years in total and since he was younger he has been friends (family really) with this older woman named Sharron and her family. He played soccer with her son.
A couple of months ago, she asked us to house sit and dog sit for her while she was away on a business trip, and she paid for our flights from Pensilvania to Arizona. She said that it would be less expensive to have us fly out than pay for a sitter for her dog that needs extra care.
It was also a little vacation for us, so I felt kinda bad she was paying for us as well, but I went anyways.
While we were there I had been cleaning the house. This house was not dirty at all, but I did mop, sweep, and clean up random stuff around the house as a gesture as that was what I was taught was a nice practice. Anyways, she came home and was super offended that I cleaned and that it was disrespectful to her. I said I thought I was being nice, and it would be nice to come home and relax. My husband said that she was being unreasonable. Now my husband and her are not talking, and she is talking about me to the rest of the family, and I feel like it’s my fault. Am I the asshole?
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For context me (28F) and my husband (31M) have been together for 9 years in total and since he was younger he has been friends (family really) with this older woman named Sharron and her family. He played soccer with her son.
A couple of months ago, she asked us to house sit and dog sit for her while she was away on a business trip, and she paid for our flights from Pensilvania to Arizona. She said that it would be less expensive to have us fly out than pay for a sitter for her dog that needs extra care.
It was also a little vacation for us, so I felt kinda bad she was paying for us as well, but I went anyways.
While we were there I had been cleaning the house. This house was not dirty at all, but I did mop, sweep, and clean up random stuff around the house as a gesture as that was what I was taught was a nice practice. Anyways, she came home and was super offended that I cleaned and that it was disrespectful to her. I said I thought I was being nice, and it would be nice to come home and relax. My husband said that she was being unreasonable. Now my husband and her are not talking, and she is talking about me to the rest of the family, and I feel like it’s my fault. Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I cleaned a house that I was housesitting and it may of come off rude or like I thought she was dirty I guess. I just thought it would be a nice gesture but she’s very upset
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
I wish all houseguests left the place neater than when they got there.
NTA. In other news. You looking for anymore house sitting gigs?
NTA
My mom taught us to always leave a place you stay better than how you found it. If you all were staying there, you pretty much just cleaned up after yourselves.
NTA. This sounds like misdirected anger.
NTA – this was a miscommunication. You did what you believed to be the right thing, having no information to the contrary. She didn’t like it. She’s allowed to not like it. She’s allowed to be upset about it. That doesn’t mean what you did was actually wrong though. At least, based on what you’ve said here.
> she came home and was super offended that I cleaned and that it was disrespectful to her
NTA – Takes someone kind of special to be offended that someone did something nice for them.
Info: when you say you “cleaned up random stuff around the house” what do you mean? Did you reorganize belongings or throw out anything?
NTA, but… Pensilvania? For real? And that’s where you live? JFC.
Who can’t spell the state’s name where they live? Pennsylvania!
there is a reason she flew you across the country, and it’s not what she said, it’s probably because no one will house sit for her because she’s picky. and yes, you should ask first, not assume she wants her house cleaned. ESH
NTA, I house sat for some friends and before they came, I did the same. Swept, mopped and cleaned the bathroom. I would also be THRILLED if someone did this for me at any time lol.
Info: “Pensilvania”?
NTA, when i watch my friends kitties while her and her mom are gone, i always do the dishes, put the dishes away, (not my dishes btw they were just left from before they left) I clean up the couch and etc and then vacuum and grab all the trashes before i leave.
She’s always been a tidy person who stress cleans, so it’s not that her apartment was dirty, it was just something I knew she’d stress about after getting home that I wanted to take care of for her so she could just relax.
If you would like – you can always come to my house and clean. Lol. I am like you – clean up after yourself and maybe even leave it a little nicer than you found it. Especially when borrowing someone’s car (also put a full tank of gas in it when you give it back). I would be thrilled to come home from a work trip to zero things needing to be done.
NTA. Ignore the comments. You’re a nicer person than most.
I’m in NJ, come over the river and clean my house anytime!
NTA- that was a nice thing to do, perhaps there may be some insecurities on her end
I guarantee that anyone she complains to wish you had been house sitting for them.
NTA.
You probably hit on an insecurity she has.
If someone was house sitting for me & I came home to a cleaner home, I would instantly feel embarrassed, like the house wasn’t clean enough and they had to clean my dirty house. I would also be insanely grateful and respond more with thanks & apologizes for my dirty home.
Omg that woman is nuts! As long as you didn’t rearrange or get rid of things, I would be stoked to come home to a cleaned house. So NTA.
NTA, but, just as a previous poster asked, what random stuff did you organize? A friend of mine checked in on my dog while I was away. I came home and my place smelled of floor cleaner. She had taken it upon herself to clear off my kitchen counter and proceed to clean it with my floor cleaner. Luckily the counter wasn’t ruined. When I told her that she shouldn’t have used that on the counter, I felt kind of bad that I wasn’t thanking her instead, but I didn’t ask her to clean anything (except any dog mess).