I f19 live in a muslim house and go to college in state bc im not allowed to leave my parents house until i get married. My older brother, 21, had left for college four years ago and I had moved into his room since I had always shared a room with my younger sister, 17, and since there would be an empty room for a couple months I just wanted to have my own space of my own finally. Every time he would come home at the end of the semester I would go back to my own room.
Having done this for this long I’m just used to my own space. Being able to study at a desk and not having my younger sister be a distraction. He eventually graduated and moved back home for the entirety of the summer meaning I had to move back in. It’s annoying but it’s his room!
He got a job in a different state now and is leaving to live there. However he told me i couldn’t go inside his room bc he didn’t want me to mess up his stuff. I understand he’s stressed he left some of his things to go into a new state but I need my own space as well. He’s always been favored on everything, has his own things and has never had to share a space w other ppl. My parents favor him and my mom always enforces whatever my brother tells her without even listening to my side.
I was honest with him, I said “I need a space to study, i need my own space.” bc after four years both me and my sister is used to our space. but now my parents and him are upset with me. It genuinely upsets me. I’m an adult not given the same freedoms he has, and now the semester started and I need my own area to focus. My sister is loud, always on facetimes and calls and gets mad when i tell her to be quiet. She’ll even say “then leave” but there IS NO WHERE FOR ME TO GO.
Now they’re upset, and so am I. AITA?
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I f19 live in a muslim house and go to college in state bc im not allowed to leave my parents house until i get married. My older brother, 21, had left for college four years ago and I had moved into his room since I had always shared a room with my younger sister, 17, and since there would be an empty room for a couple months I just wanted to have my own space of my own finally. Every time he would come home at the end of the semester I would go back to my own room.
Having done this for this long I’m just used to my own space. Being able to study at a desk and not having my younger sister be a distraction. He eventually graduated and moved back home for the entirety of the summer meaning I had to move back in. It’s annoying but it’s his room!
He got a job in a different state now and is leaving to live there. However he told me i couldn’t go inside his room bc he didn’t want me to mess up his stuff. I understand he’s stressed he left some of his things to go into a new state but I need my own space as well. He’s always been favored on everything, has his own things and has never had to share a space w other ppl. My parents favor him and my mom always enforces whatever my brother tells her without even listening to my side.
I was honest with him, I said “I need a space to study, i need my own space.” bc after four years both me and my sister is used to our space. but now my parents and him are upset with me. It genuinely upsets me. I’m an adult not given the same freedoms he has, and now the semester started and I need my own area to focus. My sister is loud, always on facetimes and calls and gets mad when i tell her to be quiet. She’ll even say “then leave” but there IS NO WHERE FOR ME TO GO.
Now they’re upset, and so am I. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. i moved back in his room when they told me not to. 2. I obviously didn’t listen, even though he’s moving out he still had stuff he hasn’t taken.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
He’s a male adult, can live on his own in your culture & doesn’t even live in the same state! Why does he even dream, let alone expect, to have his own room in your current home?
NTA
You’re 19. Move out.
NTA. It’s your parents house so it’s their choice really. Seems silly to leave his room unused when he’s living somewhere else. What country are you in? You are adult age, so you can move out if you choose. Your parents don’t have the right to stop you. Though you would have to support yourself.
Why can’t his stuff get packed up and put in storage? You live there, he doesn’t. You, as a human being, should take priority over his stuff.
NTA you are an adult. You say a Muslim house but not a Muslim country. This makes it seem like you could technically move out legally (non Muslim country?) but would cause family drama. You need to decide what path you want to take in life and also how school is being paid for. If you can afford school and are in a non Muslim country, might be time to make your own way in life and move out
NTA
tell him to pack up his stuff in storage, or you will pack it up. it makes no sense for 2 people to share a room while another room sits empty.
NTA, but it seems like you have a choice to make between your family and your independence. I understand it would probably be a forever rift with your parents if you just made secret plans to leave, left, and notified them after the fact that you have decided as a legal adult you will no longer obey their rules. Maybe it even risks them committing an act of violence against you. (If you are afraid of honor killing, domestic violence shelters can help you if you choose to leave.) But it is still a choice that is available to you, if you’re willing to potentially permanently give up your relationship with your family over it.
I’m not part of your culture, so I genuinely can’t imagine what you’re getting out of staying close to people who make clear to you that they see you as lesser than your brother just because you were born a girl and he was born a boy. But I’m sure from your perspective there are reasons, and of course everyone loves their parents.
If you do choose to try to move out, there may be ex-Muslim organizations willing to help you, even if you intend to remain Muslim but in a more Westernized, liberal way.