Hey yall first time using the subreddit. I 24F lied to my sister’s dad in order to avoid an awkward situation regarding my younger siblings.
My mother is not the best mother in the world to put it kindly. For years she was abusive (verbal/ physical) loved coming to my place of work and causing a scene etc. Homelife was unsafe you get the gist. When I turned 20 I moved out after meeting my Bf and moved in with him and his family, it hurt me to leave my sisters behind but their father is in the picture and I’ve been trying to help him gain custody of my sisters. I’ve been trying to complete school and focus on getting a degree now that I’m in a safe and stable situation, as well as heal from everything my mother has done to me. This summer my siblings went to the states to live with their dad and came back for school. Now my step dad keeps blowing up my phone to ask if my sister can live with me and my boyfriend’s family. As much as I would love to have her and take care of her, it’s not my house and it’s not my family I’ve explained this to him before but now it’s putting me in an awkward situation, so I lied saying I got accepted in to a program in another country, even though I’m not. I love my siblings but I’ve spent my childhood/ teenage years watching over them. Every-time I ask him why he just can’t come down here and get an apartment to look after them he comes up with an excuse. But yet I feel like an asshole for putting myself first.
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Hey yall first time using the subreddit. I 24F lied to my sister’s dad in order to avoid an awkward situation regarding my younger siblings.
My mother is not the best mother in the world to put it kindly. For years she was abusive (verbal/ physical) loved coming to my place of work and causing a scene etc. Homelife was unsafe you get the gist. When I turned 20 I moved out after meeting my Bf and moved in with him and his family, it hurt me to leave my sisters behind but their father is in the picture and I’ve been trying to help him gain custody of my sisters. I’ve been trying to complete school and focus on getting a degree now that I’m in a safe and stable situation, as well as heal from everything my mother has done to me. This summer my siblings went to the states to live with their dad and came back for school. Now my step dad keeps blowing up my phone to ask if my sister can live with me and my boyfriend’s family. As much as I would love to have her and take care of her, it’s not my house and it’s not my family I’ve explained this to him before but now it’s putting me in an awkward situation, so I lied saying I got accepted in to a program in another country, even though I’m not. I love my siblings but I’ve spent my childhood/ teenage years watching over them. Every-time I ask him why he just can’t come down here and get an apartment to look after them he comes up with an excuse. But yet I feel like an asshole for putting myself first.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I lied to my parent in order to avoid responsibility concerning my younger siblings. I told him I’m leaving the country; I’m not.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You’re not either of the parents in this situation. Raising the children isn’t your responsibility.
“NO” is a complete sentence. There’s no need for reasons or explanations. You have lots of great reasons for not taking your sister–it’s not your home, you’re young to be caring for a sibling full time, you have things to do. But the biggest and most important reason is simply that you do not want to. You don’t need any more reason than that one. She is not your legal or moral responsibility, and the fact that you don’t want to step up and be a parent (especially when she has parents to fill that role) is reasonable.
NTA
NTA, not in the least.
Instead of lying, which is upsetting to you, consider taking this opportunity to reclaim your autonomy. You might feel better and more empowered if you expressed your position plainly and politely.
“SD, as I have mentioned to you several times, this is not my responsibility. It’s irritating when you ask me to do something which I have already told you that I’m not willing to do. I love my siblings, but I have my own life to live. You should discuss this with mom, because she’s the one who created this situation. Please don’t raise this issue with me again.”
You didn’t cause this problem, nor are you responsible for fixing it. When we lie instead of speaking our truth, it eats away at us. Don’t feel guilty about not taking on someone else’s problem. Your mom has taken enough of your childhood; don’t let her take your young adulthood, too. She and SD can sort this on their own.
YTA: You need to learn to set and hold boundaries without lying. You’re not an asshole for putting yourself first but it isn’t cool to lie about it, Be honest, be direct, and don’t back down from your boundaries.
NTA. Your stepdad is unreasonable to ask you to take your sibling into a household that’s not yours. Say no and then ignore him. No matter how many times he asks, the answer will remain no so don’t subject yourself to unnecessary argument.
NTA
Hard no. This is not your responsibility and you need to focus on your responsibilities.
NTA at all
If this is really eating you up though then I’d do as some others have suggested and tell him something along the lines of “SD this is not my house and my sister is not my responsibility. She can not live with me. If you need help getting an apartment here I might be able to help you but that is all. It’s really unreasonable of you to treat me like a third parent to her when I’m not. If you try to push this issue I may need to stop talking to you as often or stop (other things you do to help him)”