Let me preface this by saying we had our son young, so none of his friends have kids. We are both 19, working full times jobs, I see weekends as “us-time”.
The past three weekends he’s gone and stayed at his friends house, and these have been the first times in a while he’s gone. I stay home with our son, as I believe he should get time to himself too. Every time I stay at my friends (maybe twice in our son’s lifetime), I bring our son.
Flash-forward to today, and he asks to go over. I say no. I’ve been sick all week, and starting Sunday, I’m going to be nannying for two weeks, long hours, so I want to have family-time while we can. And with myself just getting over strep, nobody’s going to want to hang out with my son or I.
I don’t know. Am I being petty? Are we both in the wrong?
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Let me preface this by saying we had our son young, so none of his friends have kids. We are both 19, working full times jobs, I see weekends as “us-time”.
The past three weekends he’s gone and stayed at his friends house, and these have been the first times in a while he’s gone. I stay home with our son, as I believe he should get time to himself too. Every time I stay at my friends (maybe twice in our son’s lifetime), I bring our son.
Flash-forward to today, and he asks to go over. I say no. I’ve been sick all week, and starting Sunday, I’m going to be nannying for two weeks, long hours, so I want to have family-time while we can. And with myself just getting over strep, nobody’s going to want to hang out with my son or I.
I don’t know. Am I being petty? Are we both in the wrong?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) telling my fiance no to go to his friends house
2) i firmly believe time apart from family is important, but also think he’s been gone quite often.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
There is definitely an immature selfish asshole here, but it isn’t you.
NTA
NTA – he’s getting 100% free time, so you going somewhere with your kid isn’t the same. At your age, this might be tricky because he’s seeing all his buddies living a 19 year old life which typically is carefree and childfree but he’s made a decision to be a father and partner. You two need to talk about how to balance this so you all get what you want and need.
NTA.
He is entitled to some alone time, but it sounds like you’re being quite reasonable.
He needs to grow up a little.
NTA, but why are you with him? Does he ever take your son so YOU can get alone time?
NTA he is just as responsible for your family as you are.
What time does he give you?
Time he grew up.
NTA. But sorry you’re in this situation. If you truly respect time alone then you would be giving yourself that respect too. You deserve alone time just as much as he does. Sounds like he’s gotten used to it and now you want want he has too. Yall really need to sit down and talk about the day to day in your relationship and responsibilities of having a kid. I know yall are young but this does not seem like going in the right direction
He’s 19. What can you expect? You’re both too young to be committed and have a child, but here you are. Unfortunately, the woman bears the brunt of this situation every time.
NTA – Hopefully he can be trusted and is actually going to his friends house and not somewhere else he shouldn’t be…
It’s reasonable for each of you to get some time with friends without baby. It’s even reasonable to plan to stay the night somewhere occasionally if you are going out late or drinking and don’t want to worry about getting an uber or getting home without waking up your child. But what he’s doing, going to friends every weekend and leaving you solo-parenting is completely unreasonable. And you never having a child-free outing yourself is also completely unreasonable.
You should let him know very clearly that him going to friends this weekend, given the circumstances, is completely unacceptable to you and you will feel deeply disrespected if he does so. Depending on his reaction to that, you can move forward. Hopefully, he’ll be open to discussing why this is such an unsustainable arrangement and the two of you can reach a reasonable agreement about when and how each of you will get free time and time with friends in the future (maybe you agree to one weekend evening out each per month, or something similar). However, if he goes anyway or stays home but pouts and refuses to discuss it, you might want to rethink if marrying someone who cares so little about you and is such a lackluster parent is a good idea.
You guys should pick weekends to hang out with your friends. If you guys live together he shouldn’t be sleeping over somewhere ngl especially with you being young he needs to tend to his family as a father and future husband should since both of you guys have accepted that responsibility and reality. I hope you guys have family and friends by your side to babysit at any time just to get a breather.
Why does he get to go off on his own but you always have to take the kid? Unfair and bad parenting on his part, no? Does he have a side chick or something?
The reality is that both of you are still quite young, and it seems like you’ve matured a bit faster than he has and that’s perfectly okay. It’s totally normal for each of you to need your own space from time to time, and maintaining friendships is important, but communication is key here. You should feel comfortable expressing that you also deserve some time to yourself or quality time with family.
As for staying the night, I get that you’re 19, but I still see that as a relatively young age. When I was that age, I spent a lot of time at friends’ houses, and it wasn’t always what people might think. We’d just hang out, play video games, and talk all nighty, it can be a good way to unwind and benefit your mental well-being, especially at your stage in life.
Just make sure you’re also carving out time for yourself to relax and recharge when you need it. It’s all about balance.
He’s 19 and a father. He doesn’t get to have sleepovers, period. That is something childless children do, like if he was in 5th grade. Even as a childless college student I didn’t have weekly friend sleepovers, that’s just odd. And you should not be the default parent.
You’re NTA and he needs to do a major reassessment of his priorities.
NTA leave the baby with him and go out with your friends. Turn your phone on DND. Only answer if it’s a TRUE emergency.