For context: it feels like we’ve been honeymoon stage for majority of our relationship and everything has been perfect until recently. Weve been seeing each other 5-6 days a week since we’ve met and we love spending time together. I’ve taken so much time off work and attended all his vball games and events just so we can spend more time together. Some more context: We always share locations for safety. I recently got into debt from gambling which may also contribute to how I’m scared he perceives me (even tho he has been support and says he doesn’t mind).
The reason why I am considering leaving is due to a variety of scenarios.
he let me cry for hours at the park knowing I was there (he admitted to seeing my location) but kept wanting to play games until he was done at 2am then came find me
he said he wanted to leave (to go home and just play games) after promising to stay to take care of me when I had my wisdom teeth out
he did stay with me and take care of me for a bit but didn’t care for me the way he used to when I was sick. (Had to get my own water, look for the pain killers myself, get ice for my face) (he just napped and watched YouTube)
I could tell that he truly didn’t want to spend anymore time with me and brought it up but he said it was cuz of the cramped environment of my room but he’d use to want to spend any time with me even if he wasnt the most comfy
This hurts me considering how much I still consistently want to spend time with him everyday or anytime I have spare time
he knew I was upset and wanted to stay at his house but because his boys were waiting for him to play games, he chose to ask me to leave quickly so he could get back to it. I cried in the car for an hour outside his house and he saw my location still there after an hour but didn’t come out. He just texted me oh did u go for a walk, why r u still here?
he didn’t care when I cancelled our Saturday date night under the excuse that it was because I had already took up his “personal” day(Friday). Just said “ok I’ll see you Sunday for family dinner then”
he kept asking this one girl to play with him. Eg. I read his discord message and I saw him ask her to duo queue @3:30am
You duo bot lane with her alone in league when it is always our thing (I was free and not doing anything and could’ve joined if he asked)
this is weird to me as I feel like it can and did develop a misunderstanding for her to just keep asking him to play anytime -I brought that up and he said ok then I just won’t play bot lane with her. I’ll play mid next time (problem was not the role he was playing but that he was playing with just her)
he didn’t invite me to his grass volleyball to watch (maybe cuz she was the one hosting and he think it’d be weird for me to interact with her there so he didn’t push for me to come)
Somehow recently I always end up inviting myself to his things just to spend some time with him (vball, sleepovers, food after games, etc.) when he’d normally ask me to go
The way hes been making me feel (constant heartaches and feeling sick to my stomach). Started losing appetite.
developed problems sleeping from waking up constantly(Cheating dreams, break up dreams, consistently feeling like I have to check with what he’s doing to reassure myself)
Whenever he is in the girl’s discord server, I start having small panic attacks that lasts til I he him get off the calls
I started to overcompensate (gifts and gestures) out of fear that he’d think being in a relationship with another girl would be less problematic than with me (I understand that I am hard to be with)
-most importantly why I am considering my options is due to the way i feel like my world has ended and would literally considering ending myself From the idea of him leaving me for someone better… I understand now that I’ve truly lost myself in him.
Am I overthinking? I’m not sure how to pinpoint the exact reason and do not know how to talk to him about this
TLDR: I do not feel like my feelings are reciprocated. He’s been distant and less caring, prioritizing games. im also feeling insecure, especially about his interactions with another girl, and my emotional health is suffering (anxiety, loss of appetite, and sleep issues). I’m considering leaving because i feel like ive lost yourself in the relationship, but you’re unsure if you’re overthinking and don’t know how to talk to him about it.