For context, we have been dating for 2 and a half years. When we first met, we agreed we would be okay if I have guy friends and he has girl friends. One night there was a girl that called him late at night when we were drinking. He had her on speaker and she was flirting with him saying he was cute. He wasn’t flirting back but he just kept talking to her saying she needed to go to bed. After that day he was aware I did not like he kept the conversation going and could’ve just hung up. There’s been a few other friends that I noticed would give flirty comments to him and he wouldn’t care. I have brought this up to him before and he just says he never notices they flirt or he doesn’t care about them. One co worker I asked him about, he told me he didn’t like her because she was ignoring him and just seemed rude
Fast forward to now, I found out that same girl tried flirting with him and he played video games with her. This was like a week after us being official. I asked him about her today, he said he did think she was rude in person because she was nice when they gamed it but not at work.. he showed me the messages on his phone. He swiped up to a song she posted “banger song” she replies with “I knew you had good taste. Are we still gaming?” They played after that. Idk how the gaming went..
What should I do about this? I know it’s in the past now but I can’t help to think that any girl that flirts with him, he won’t cut off. he’s saying he didn’t flirt back but I’ve also told him I don’t like him entertaining it as in still being friends with them if he obviously knows they are flirting.
I also just feel betrayed knowing most of these “girl friends” were flirting with him and he would let it happen.
TL;DR should i care about my bf letting other girls flirt with him? Or let it go
Comments
It’s not wrong to feel uncomfortable about this boundaries are a normal and healthy part of a relationship. The key issue isn’t whether he’s outright flirting back, but that he continues to entertain these interactions even after you’ve expressed it bothers you. A respectful partner doesn’t just ignore your feelings; he actively works with you to create trust. You don’t have to demand he cut off all female friends, but you are allowed to expect that if someone is crossing flirty lines, he will shut it down and not encourage further contact. Have a calm talk with him, explain how these patterns affect your trust, and see if he’s willing to meet you halfway. If he isn’t, that tells you a lot about how much he values the relationship.
Some men genuinely are oblivious unless it is beyond obvious, and I mean far more obvious than anything you posted.
But if he is noticing, I think cutting his friends out is a bit extreme, but yeah he could at least say, “Hey these comments aren’t comfortable for me and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop.”
I get you don’t trust them, but you have to trust him to handle it, as he would have to trust you to handle any man showing an interest in you. If you feel his actions are compromising your ability to trust him, then I’d make it known that you’re hurt he isn’t even at least asking them to put a lid on it, and it is making it hard to trust things with him.