I’m 17 years old, and I’ve almost never slept alone. I know, “dude, you’re a highschooler, you should’ve been doing that a long time ago”. And I do feel a bit dumb knowing this. But whenever I try, I get this huge fear of some sort of monster in my room or someone breaking in (I live in a very safe neighbourhood). I’ve tried to sleep by myself before, but I always end up chickening out and going to my mum. How can I stop feeling this way?
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got any pets?
You just have to do it. Eventually you’ll get used to it. Pets will probably help.
Lights on, maybe a little light music, hug a pillow
Listen to podcast of two people talking, it will make you feel like someone’s in the room with you.
Ahh I remember this feeling. I was about 15 when I decided to try sleeping alone and yes I too thought someone was watching me sleep whenever I closed my eyes. What worked for me was, I used to exhaust myself to the point where as soon as I hit the bed I used to sleep like a baby. I used to blast some music and dance or exercise until I was too tired to overthink (it also helped me be in shape). I also slept with the lights on at first, but my mom scolded me so much for it. Then I stuck glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and to this day, it calms me down so much. 100% recommended.
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Tiny plug in nightlight might help? Or if it’s not so much the dark, something like a boring podcast or YouTube video (use an ad blocker tho) might help. And mainly just keep trying, it’s a lifelong habit for you at this point that you’re trying to break so be tenacious with it. You’ll smash it, good luck ☺️
I know what makes me feel safe against those almost irrational fears is to close my door. With the door open I start imagining somebody silently crawling up to my room.
Also when I have trouble with thinking someone is watching me sleep, I either turn my back to the room (if your bed is against the wall or on one side of the room) to ignore it, so that I don’t open my eyes every 10seconds because I cant see shit anyway, OR at the contrary, especially during nights when the moon lights up my room a bit, when I can see something, I turn to the room knowing that I’d perceive a change in luminosity if something moved.
Also having a heavy blanket et large cussions helps.
And when I’m really not feeling it I can sleep on the couch with all the little LEDs on (like the TV’s) or in a room with other sleeping conditions, like fresher, or smaller room, or bigger bed, or something.
Try playing with your environment and sleeping position like that to find at least what makes you most comfortable.
See a therapist or psychologist they can help with trick to get your mind off that stuff. You can’t just dismiss it. You have to acknowledge the thought and use practical reasoning to resolve it. something like I know there are not any monsters in my room. I’ve never actually seen a real monster in my room before so there can’t be any monsters in my room. Or statistically it’s incredibly unlikely that anyone would break in and even if they did it’s even less likely that they have any intention of harming me so I best get so sleep so I’m rested for the day. I learned that from a psychologist by the way. Obviously you can put this in your own words and adjust for any other scenario you might have.
Are we deadass? monsters?
I’m 30+, sleeps alone in my room, has anxiety, still scared of the dark. What helps is getting a nice night light and turning it on. I used to have the TV on with very minimal sound in my 20s, but that’s too much of a hassle cause I keep changing the brightness settings.
Those fears will be due to being out of your comfort zone and your brain trying to get you back to ‘normal’. You gotta break through it. Wouldn’t be able to advise more than this as it sounds like need personal experience to be able to suggest helpful specifics.
When I was 12+, it would have been major trouble sleeping with any family cos I was having a boner all the time and needing to do stuff to get rid of it. Can’t even imagine how I’d survived those times sleeping with a parent
Don’t sleep
Don’t have a choice
Listen to Alan Watts lectures on yt. Trust me.
(Just try to find ones without the stupid new age music.)
I used to have the same exact same problem (at like 10… but that’s beside the point). The main trick that worked for me is to rationalize. It’s super unlikely for there to be a monster in your room and only in your room. And it wouldn’t really need to wait for you to fall asleep to start doing… things. Besides, it’s kinda worth it to die if you get to discover a new creature/ supernatural phenomena. Etc
Apparently, being religious can also help so there’s that too to try. If you think you’re a good person, you’d be protected by whatever divinity you believe in.
Late night spongebob never hurts!
Really helped me when i was younger.
Ummm.. I was going to comment but I won’t. You’re damn near an adult.. get the titty out of your mouth and act like one or you will end up sleeping alone for a very long time, or a grown person living off your mom..
You can try night lights and some body pillows. Listen to song calming music or random stories to clear your head
Listen to calming music and have those led color changing lights in your room. I have some in my son’s room because he was scared and his room is pitch black at night. Ever since I put them in he is no longer scared. ( He’s had them for over a year) You can adjust the brightness and colors to your preference. One thing I always tell my son, that I will tell you, you are SAFE and nothing will hurt you. When you feel that fear or worry, think of things that make you happy or laugh. Think of a happy memory and concentrate on all the details of that good memory. Hope this helps! Hang in there, you are safe and you got this!
These are literally fears of an 8 year old. There might be something more important at the root of these fears you need to address with a therapist.
Honestly, even into my 20s (I’m 25) I had a light near the side of my bed – reading light, even the main room light, flashlight’d probably work in a pinch, but ideally you’d have something to illuminate the whole room. If I heard a weird noise or my subconscious was being a sadist and making me see freaky stuff in the dark because your brain wants to fill it in with something and sometimes it’s in a prickly mood, yeah, I’d flick the light on to tell my brain to chill out because I’m busy trying to sleep. Less out of genuine fear and more out of annoyance in my case.
You might need to turn the light on multiple times. That’s okay. Eventually you’ll get tired enough that you just fall asleep.
Not dumb at all! Everyone does things at their own pace! I would recommend finding a good bedtime routine that winds you down, a nightlight and depending on the layout of your house maybe an open door. There’s no shame in this at all!
Watch the scariest horror movies you can find right before bed every night, inoculate yourself with a shot of terror right before bed
Leave the closet door open for good measure
Step 1 lay down step 2 close eyes need I go on lol
Can you sleep with the TV on? Wear a sleep mask or turn the display off if you don’t like the light, or have it on mute if you don’t like the sound. I always feel better if windows and doors are closed and locked and I have blackout curtains on my windows. You can do it!
I have a nightlight and often put an audiobook on a timer to help me doze off. It’s best if it’s an old favorite, soothing because it’s familiar but a tiny bit boring.
Have you tried with a podcast? I was the same (until 15) when I had to go to a band camp and I was like “yeah I really need to get used to it I can’t climb in a friends bed because that’s really embarrassing” so I started off with some podcasts playing freely (like not with headphones) and worked my way up from there
I used to panic so much (and now I do a little still – don’t really fare well if I wake up in the middle of the night) but I can now fall asleep on my own
I’m sure you’ve already looked at the night light and music/podcast option since it’s one of the most obvious choices so I’m sorry if this doesn’t help but I really wish you good luck
Try sleeping with the TV on. It’ll give you something to focus on instead of the quiet. Also a body pillow can help.
I used to read a lot with a book light and fall asleep to that, I also made a little cloud of pillows and squishes around me to make me feel more safe. Eventually I would just listen to audio books or a podcast with a timer on and fall asleep to that. There’s no shame in wanting company and cuddles, the dark can be scary specially of you’ve been traumatized by it before. We never outgrow the need to snuggle so enjoy it for as long you and your ma are comfy! I know if she’s anything like mine, it mashed her hardly that you find safety with her. It might help soothe you to counteract and plan for anything scary that your mind thinks up just so you feel a little more secure. I hope one day you feel more comfortable in the dark, it can be quite freeing. I went into a sensory deprivation float chamber and it was a lot the first time, turns out our heads are the scariest thing we have to worry about.
I don’t want to assume your monetary situation or know where you’re from, but if you have a Make-a-Bear workshop near you maybe you and mom could go for Mother’s Day and each record the voice of the other in the little hearts they put inside.
I was scared of the dark at that age. And I still am at 37. Like, extreme anxiety, paranoia.
I sleep with something over my head, and grit my teeth through the really bad nights. No matter how much I freak out, I still wake up alive every time.
Hopefully yours passes as you get older. But you DO need to start sleeping alone. You won’t die, you may just wreck your nervous system every night until it gets easier
What do you mean sleeping alone? Like you still sleep with your parents?(not judging just asking for clarification)
join discord study chat while sleeping
Honestly, this isn’t your fault. It’s your mother’s fault. She should absolutely have stopped you from sleeping in her bed by the age of 11 at the most. What she’s done is not healthy, and comes with psychological damage that will be with you until you take it upon yourself to address with a therapist. For your own sake, you need to put your fears aside and start sleeping alone in your own bed. It may be difficult the first few nights, but you need to tell yourself that going to sleep with your mother isn’t a option. It’s no longer a possibility. You can break yourself of this damaging habit if you just accept that sleeping with mom is over. Cope with the few nights of discomfort as you get used to sleeping alone, and then you’ll be free of it. You should start this immediately.
https://parentswonder.net/son-stop-sleeping-with-mom/
https://www.professorshouse.com/when-are-kids-too-old-to-sleep-with-mom-and-dad/
Try a weighted blankets and a pillow border
Totally understand. I think you have an overactive imagination.
You know there are no monsters and nothing’s going to happen, but imagining it is almost as real as if it actually were?
Talk to a psychologist. In the meantime, sleep with a night light. If you can, bring a pet into your room for company. Failing that, leave a movie or a podcast on with people chatting away to give you the impression of company, and, more importantly, something your mind can follow instead of letting your imagination run free. Nothing too exciting to keep you awake, but also not so boring that your mind starts wandering. Make a deliberate choice not to entertain scary thoughts.
Also, stop watching scary movies. Get some exercise so you’re tired, and eat a banana or drink some warm milk before you go to bed to help you drift off to sleep.
Good luck!
What about having something like a “monster-chasing” item—like a garlic salt circle or even a stuffed animal or large anime figure of Ferien you give a “protector” role. Sounds silly, but giving your brain something to believe in can actually calm you down.
If you have a tv in your room (or if you have a tablet or something), try YouTube. I pretty much can’t sleep without YouTube/the tv.
If you haven’t, see a doctor about anxiety.
Therapy probably. If you’re really that scared you have something bigger going on.
Oh also if a monster or a murderer come into you’re house your mum is not going to be able to help you’re dead either way
Eventually you get so old your thought process becomes, “fuck it, I’m so tired, let the monster get me”