I am 15 years old btw. My parents are forcing the hijab on me when I told them too many times that I don’t want to wear it. And they are threatening into not sending me to school if I don’t “cover up” what should I do? I want to go to school and I don’t want to wear the hijab. I keep telling and explaining to them how I feel about it and they keep ignoring me. And I don’t think I’m Muslim yet they keep forcing it on me what should I do?
My parents are forcing me into wearing the hijab what should I do?
r/Advice
Comments
In what country do you live?
Just do what your parents tell you until you can leave. It gains you nothing to rebel at this stage especially with parents like that, in fact arguing with them can make your life way harder.
Consider talking to a trusted teacher, school counselor or another family member about what’s happening. They might be able to offer guidance or support
You have no choice until you move out on your own.
Pretend to wear it and then once in the school take it off. Then before leaving the building put it on again. If you have good memory you can do this so that your parents don’t bother you about it.
Can’t you take it off when you got to school and put it on before you get back?
Are you born a muslim ? If you are then your lucky.. hijab is fardh which means obligatory its not a choice and anyone who says otherwise is just either lying to themselves or just don’t want to hear it. In islam we don’t pick and choose the things we want to do or can’t do. We do it to please allah. Dunia is not permanent but heaven is. So we work hard in dunia to be in heaven inshallah
Play their control game. It’s not forever. I hope.
It sucks but until you can move out just play along to make your life easier. Try to get a part time job asap so you can move out at 18 perhaps? It will give you purpose. Unless they take all your money, then don’t cause you’ll be expected to do it and it will frustrate you further.
If you don’t feel like you are a muslim, putting it on doesn’t mean you have to keep it on forever. You can go with it until you can move out and become independent and then be whoever you want to be. For that though you have to be able to go to school.
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If you are in America, as I assume you are, YOUR feelings are valid.
However, a saying I always tell people is CHOOSE your battles wisely. Your unwillingness to “cooperate & obey” now, could result in escalation. Would you rather it escalate? Or can you wait until you’re out of their sight, & out of mind.
Also, if you’re able to wear it in their presence, but take it off when they’re not present and no one would snitch on you, is that a possibility? Or do you have a spy always watching?
We all have autonomy as adults, but when we’re young, it’s smarter to make our parents happy. Happiness brings reward, difficulty brings resentment. Just be smart.
I’m in your shoes but I’m a guy , just keep practicing until you move out there’s now other choice assuming you’re in a Muslim country but if not just call the cps it’s child abuse.
If you live in a country that is not ruled by sharia law, then do not take the advice of the posters here saying you should wear it. Forcing religion on a person is immoral at any age. Stand your ground on this one. It’s not the middle ages anymore…
You really must try to stand.. Once you do listen / obey them about this you’ll pass the pointy of no return
Pull up a few Hadith/ayaah/Islamic arguments which mentions that religion cant be forced, it has to be from within.
Qur’an (2:256): “There is no compulsion in religion…”
-They cannot force you.
Qur’an (18:29): “The truth is from your Lord, so whoever wills – let him believe; and whoever wills – let him disbelieve.”
-Since you do not consider yourself a Muslim, however I would advise you study once before leaving.
Qur’an (16:125): “Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best.”
-They can debate you, but cannot force you.
Prophet ﷺ said: “There is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator.” (Musnad Ahmad)
-If forcing hijab causes emotional or spiritual harm, that goes against the spirit of Islam.
**Hadith:**“None of you should make things so hard for people that they turn away from religion.” (Muslim)
-Exactly what they are doing, driving you away.
Hadith:(Bukhari & Muslim): “Actions are only by intentions, and every person will have only what they intended.”
-Main argument, even if you wear Hijab, its pointless since there was no intention.
Prophet ﷺ said: “Make things easy, do not make things difficult; give glad tidings, do not drive people away.” (Bukhari, Muslim)
-Well they have driven you away.
What nation are you in? If you in the USA you have do it to you move out at age 18.
Hopefully you will not need these tips. Some parents wish to send or bring daughters to Pakistan, India or the Middle East for an arranged marriage. She is may be told the trip is to visit grandparents or a funeral. She should either put coins in her panties so you fail the metal detector at the airport security and have to be searched alone or just tell airport security you fear you are traveling for a forced marriage. Then ask for a TSA Supervisor’s protection. If you feel in danger at home; you can also ask a non-Muslim teacher, school counselor or police officer to call CPS (Child Protection services) or call them yourself
If your in the middle east you have to try to leave the nation either by going to a university or some other reason. Then ask for asylum and do not return.
I might be naive….
You could wear it whilst your leave the house , once you are further away, you can choose to remove it and place it back into your school bag , once school is finished, you can put it back on a little bit before you make it to your parents road….
Again… Maybe I’m naive…
As far as I know from all that, when your period starts, you are seen as “grown up”. It sounds like you are living in a muslim country. So if you live in a strict country, not wearing a hijab can have serious consequences for you, probably a fine or jail in the end. Is it okay? Hell no. In islam, most laws there are to suppress women. But if you are in a country with islam / sharia law, you can’t really do anything.
I am gonna be the asshole and say this post is probably karma farming. I saw a similar post with another “15 F” talking about being forced on to wear the hijab. The timeline is too close and i don’t think it’s just a coincidence. That post had several comments that made me believe they weren’t really from a muslim family and probably someone who is looking up online stuff to bring up against islam disguised as a question for “advice”. I live in Saudi arabia and nowdays most women here you will see without hijab so yeah…
Hey sweetheart, I am so sorry you’re going through this. It’s not okay for anyone to force something so personal on you, especially when it comes to your faith and your body. Your feelings are 100% valid. What your parents are doing, threatening to take away your education, is a form of control. It’s not fair, and it’s not right, school is your future, and they know that.
This is a really tough spot, you need to be safe, but you also deserve to be heard. Is there another family member, an aunt or cousin, who might understand and help talk to your parents? Hearing it from another adult can make a difference. If not your school counselor might be a safe person to talk to. What your parents are threatening (pulling you from school) is a serious matter, and they may be able to help or connect you with resources.
Remember, your body and your beliefs are your own. You get to decide what you wear and what you believe in. People can try to control you, but no one can take that right from you. Know you are not alone in this🫶🏼
OP- many of us know of other stories where it ended really badly for the person who didn’t wear it. We want you to survive and thrive. And if that means playing the game now for just a few more years then escaping…then that is what you will have to do. Sorry you’re dealing with this, and know you are not alone.
You wear it and keep your mouth shut. Be the perfect daughter and go to university overseas and never go back
Depends where you live if your parents can keep you out of school. I suggest you do as your parents require, you’re not an adult.
poorI mean you can wear it while going to school and take it off secretly and then wear it again so they think you are covered up,its a crime if you force your beliefs to a child and dont send them to school,you dont have to obey them if where you live does something about it, study a lot to get into a decent school and save up as much as you can, they dont seem like the nicest people to live with, I know child marriage and arranged marriages are common in religious families so thats my advice
Thank you guys for the advice. Im going to try and clarify some things. I do not live in a sharia country my country is secular but there are many Muslims in the area I live. I thought of taking it off at school but the teachers may tell my parents and make the situation bigger. I think I am going to talk to the school counselor and tell them to talk to my parents. But I think my relationship with my parents is going to fall. My mom already distanced herself from me when I told her I didn’t want to put it on. I am really sad that that’s how they feel but I cannot force myself to put it on. Again thank you so much for the support I’ll make sure to uptade when we talk to the counselor
In islam you can’t force anywear to wear anything. Source im a Muslim parent
I hate it how it’s always the women who willingly wear the hijab are the ones who say that wearing the hijab is a choice, completely ignoring people like OP who do NOT get the choice to NOT wear it.
OP, you should try to move out of your parents house AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and do NOT tell them that you don’t think you’re muslim because this can set you back SEVERELY. I’m an exmuslim and my muslim friends who I’ve had for 5+ years instantly turned on me like an on/off switch when I told them that I no longer believed.
do they force or have you read the quran? sadly, in USA, some/most migrants families who live here don’t assimilate main stream American human rights and/or values. if you are living in USA, you are considered a minor (generally, under 18, no legal rights).
you have several options re: hijab tradition enforced by your family. how you respond to your patriarchal father will depend on your personality type and personal values/principle.
imo, i would confront him. be firm and brave, despite him threatening you and not allowing you to attend school.
or give in and become his slave, until your are legally defined as an adult in your city/state/country. just know that fighting for your independence comes with sacrifice/s. anticipate that. i’m sure sharia law may/will go into effect if it already has not.
if you are in USA, and there is an emergency (medical, violence, etc), call 911. even if you are in doubt, call 911 and run it by them. if you are live outside of USA, sadly/tragically, you are on your own.
peace,
As an Arab Muslim, I gave my sisters an advice that I took it with me till this day, make it part of you and your personality, wear it like the way you want, give it a try ,
Not for your parents to accept you, no because you are one of them, yes they think it’s better because of religious believes, put everything aside..
If you like to show off
You can still break so many necks even when you were it , it’s not a bad thing
Trust me
Depending on what country you are in…
Under 18 you pretty much have to follow their rules. Once you turn 18 if you still live at home or rely on them financially then you need to choose your battles. They can kick you out and/or cut you off.
If you are living away from home and financially independent then you can have a conversation and explain your decision to not wear the hijab.
Do you know anyone that will tattle? If not, wear it to school and then take it off when you’re there. You will likely not convince them because they believe they are obligated to please Allah as much as possible. That includes raising obedient children. Not all Muslims think like that, but clearly your parents do. They view this as an obligation for you to be a true follower of Allah and to have a successful afterlife. They also probably want to prevent you from attracting male attraction, as you’re getting older, though a hijab doesn’t make a difference. The clothes you wear do not dictate the attention you receive. Regardless, these are pretty strong(in their eyes) reasons to force you to wear a hijab. I don’t really see them changing their minds anytime soon, unfortunately .
Islam doesn’t force the hijab
The people do
I’d recommend wearing it if you fear God, otherwise absolutely no one has any right to force you.
It’s a common misconception that muslims have, that they force the hijab. It’s not permissible to force the hijab on anyone against their will.
You need to plan your exit from the nest very far in advance and in the meantime act like a compliant child
It all depends on where you live.
Wear it at home, take it off at school. Try to hold on for three years, then leave and live for you.
You deserve choice and you deserve school. Keep things calm at home and loop in a trusted adult who can back you up like a school counselor, teacher, nurse, social worker, an aunt or a friend’s parent. Tell them exactly what’s being threatened and ask them to step in. Keep a dated record of what’s said. If they try to block school, call the school that day and ask for attendance or the counselor. If you feel unsafe, call emergency services. You can also look up Child Helpline International to find a youth hotline in your country. Wearing a hijab should be a choice and you’re not alone.
Invest in a steamer. You want to be fabulous and wrinkle free!
I’m 16year old Male with Hardcore Nigerian parents. Tbh some of the things they want me to do I find pretty stupid but I just go along with it. Our brains aren’t fully developed yet and it’s hard ESPECIALLY to fight parents WHEN IT IS RELIGIOUS. So just try to keep up with it or understand them. At the end of the day once you leave their house or go off to college or what ever you want to do in life. We can have our own freedom. We just have to be patient <3
Wear the hijab, but make them buy you some clothes and accessories you want to wear, too. Some of the smartest dressed girls wear hijab and are very chic while being modest.
It’s a win win?
Sigh
Why can parents never allow children their own choices?
We know in the Quran it isn’t a requirement. It’s a personal choice to do with your relationship with god
Or in my case I’m protecting my hair from the sun but you should hear some of the comments I get also
Good luck, habibti
Can I message you? I have a couple of contacts that might help you, of people who grew up in your kind of community with those restrictions, and left. They may have contacts who could support you, and who can give you advice and options.
assuming worst case scenario because you could be in Afghanistan and they would honor kill you and your asking a bunch of mostly American redditors whose worse suffering is getting late to work due to slow starbucks.
Survive.
Do what you’re told. Comply for as long as you can. Stash cash so you can move away. Never allow them to traffic you back to some stone age Islam country where you are property and not a person. good luck.
Isn’t hijab supposed to be a personal choice? I had Muslim friends in high school (and after), they all would say, when explaining it to me/others, that it is a personal choice and should never be mandatory. I am in Canada. If you are in a country where it is not a mandatory law, please talk to someone about it. Your parents shouldn’t be forcing you to don any garment you don’t want to wear.
Wear the hijab. Keep yourself safe, go along with it, and start planning NOW on how you’ll be self sufficient and out of their house when you become an adult. Do not let them marry you off young.
Today it’s hijab, tomorrow it will be marriage. Conservative families want to get their daughter married off soon to become child birthing machines especially in your community. And how are you sure they will let you go to college in a different city? They might say we won’t pay for ur college if you go elsewhere? Girl u need to get out cos you are too young to think about so many bad situations. Better safe than sorry
Rage and revolt. Hurl insults, scorn them, mock their faith, just generally make yourself insufferable.
I had to reduce my mother to tears before I was free from her controlling behaviour. When people aren’t open to reason, then all you can do is fight until they or you give up.
Got to a church. Renounce islam.
Do they not know in islam forcing hijab is not suggested
It is a free will thing
Whatever idk because of such mentality(no rude about ya family) other thinks islam forces it
Well,idk what exactly to advise since parents are always ridiculously stubborn they refuse to understand
See if you can get accepted at a United work college school in a non-muslim country. They have a great baccalaureate program and partner with many great colleges in the US and other countries. I know in the US there is a lot of funding to cover your college expenses. In the meantime you’re living somewhere else but getting a spectacular secondary school education.
put it on and remove it when they arent there. Tell everyone who needs to know why.
Explain that them trying to firce you into that religious norm will only push you away further.
i am sorry you have to endure this religiouq sexism. I hooe you get theough it.
Wear the hijab with a bikini and flip flops. If anyone tells your parents just say “You told me to wear hijab, so I wore the hijab.”
wear it
Isn’t it against Islam to force someone to wear it? Do you live in a country where it’s illegal for a teenager to not go to school?
Honestly, at 15 it seems like this is a huge deal and I understand why. It makes you feel like an outsider in comparison to your friends and it’s probably uncomfortable as well and opens you up to predjudice.
From the standpoint of 37, I’d say, do what your parents ask, so you can continue your education. Playing ball for a few years has little impact in comparison to being taken out of school, which will be hurting you in the long run because it will stun your independence. Parents like yours won’t be convinced by logic, they believe this is god’s will.
What you need to do is save all the money you can. Plan your escape. Look into the right resources so you can leave the minute you turn 18.
And for all that is sacred, never ever step foot on a plane or in general travel to your family’s home country. I don’t care if your grandparents are supposedly dying, your cousin is getting married or anything like that. If they try to take you with you on a plane, put cutlery or so in your underwear, so you’ll not be let on a plane. You don’t want to be kept in your parent’s home country because you were “corrupted”, or worse, married to some unknown dude.