I’ve (20 F) been friends with (22 M) for about a year. About six months ago, our friendship became more romantic. We both admitted we had feelings for each other, though we never officially defined the relationship. Despite the lack of a label, I was treated in a way that felt like a girlfriend. A few weeks ago, he told me he had met someone else he wanted to pursue. I was surprised, because me and people close to us assumed we were romantically involved. We had a conversation, and agreed to stop the romantic side of things, but I said I’d still like to be friends. Since that conversation, I’ve pulled back from the “girlfriend-like” role. I’ve also tried to keep friendship level boundaries. However, he continues to send selfies or flirt casually or make comments that feel like he’s looking for a romantic or emotional reaction. I usually just don’t respond to these or just laugh them off and this very obviously makes him upset. A few days ago he mentioned I’ve been “acting different” and that I used to be “super attached” to him. And now he seems distant and snappy. I can be talking and he’s just like “cool, whatever”. Which is a complete 180 from how we used to be. I’m not sure how to read this shift or how to handle it going forward. And I’m also really confused on what his expectations were out of this situation. I guess my big question is how do I handle this? I really don’t want to lose my friend, but at the same time I feel very confused and hurt right now.
TL;DR:
My (20F) friend of a year/romantic interest(22M) of 6 months wanted to pursue other romantic options but the boundaries of our friendship still feel blurred on his end and he gets upset when I don’t reciprocate. This has left me confused and I need advice on how to move forward while hopefully keeping this friendship in tact if that’s an option.
Comments
👵 back in my day, we called this “being in a situationship with a f*ckboy”
He wants girlfriend treatment while he keeps you on the backburner and pursues other women. You say you don’t want to lose a friend, but is he being a friend to you right now?
He wants to eat cake with you while still being able to go cake shopping wherever else he wants. But you should still only want to eat cake with him.
This “friendship” will become more trouble than it’s worth, especially if you decide to start dating someone else.
I have been in that BS ‘situationship’ once…what he meant was:
“Hey, I think you’re not good enough to be my gf. But I’d prefer for you to pine over me, not date other men, act lovey dovey expressing your affection for me, and have sex with me when I’m in the mood.
But again you’re not good enough as a potential gf, so you can’t be mad that I’m wooing another woman because I want to be romantically attached with her and she is the one I desire, not you.
The moment she says ‘yes,’ I’ll drop you from the face of the earth until she dumps me.”
Tsk. Walk away from the situation. He is NOT a friend, believe me.